Am I in the wrong

[Guest]

My mother raised me a Jehovah's witness, she promotes good morals and can be very loving. Recently I have been into drugs and while I know they will lead me nowhere good, it led me to be more individualistic. Well recently my parents found out about my habits and my mom sent me to therapy, which I have been taking very seriously, but I cant help but wonder if shes the one who needs it more than I do. It seems like I'm never enough for her though, it seems like everything I say or do it corrupted or wrong to her. She pisses me off so much, but it makes me stop to think, why? I'm afraid to even speak to her cause I'm afraid if I say the wrong thing, I'm gonna be punished for it. She gives me what I call fake freedom, I can do "whatever" I want to but she has to always know everything that happens I have to talk to her about everything and I cant even talk I dont get what she ********ing wants I dont get what she needs from me, i mean it's just like bull********, I ********ing cant walk in my own home without her knowing where what why how who when, I can't just be left alone for 20 seconds, I cant breathe without her staring me back in the face, I cant eat I can't sleep anymore I don't even wanna try for anything cause I know it's only half of what she expects I'm just a diminished face on an foreign coin that's only half of what she wanted. I cant be her little angel, I cant be her slave, I cant get away, I cant stay, I just want death to consume me so I dont have to remember to live. I just want nothing. I just want black. If this is life, take it back

[ccsmod0]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on with your mom. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now with how controlling your mom can be. It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.
Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe and stay strong,
NRS

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