I need advice.

[Guest]

So back in October I turned 18, around that time my relationship with my mother began to get better than it had been the past 3 years. The past three years have been an onslaught of accusations and basically prison. I went out with my friends maybe once every 6 months, and that was when my mom chaperoned. She didn’t begin trusting me to go alone until this past summer. Even then she texts constantly which keeps me from enjoying the moment. I understand why she’s protective, since she didn’t have a mother or father figure when growing up, but I have a mother and she’s smothering me. Now since the beginning of this month my mom has slipped back into her old ways. I work a job at 30+ hours a week, while juggling school, and other extracurricular activities. My mom accuses me of being pregnant, or of committing inappropriate acts. She regularly threatens to have me medicated because I react when she yells at me and that’s usually everyday. I get told I’m retarded because I have undiagnosed anxiety and tend to break down in situations that are easy for her to navigate. I am told I don’t do enough at the house, and she regularly leaves chores undone for me to do when I come home from work. My daily schedule is school from 8:00-2:00, work from 2:30-10:30 then home and completing chores until 12:00. I’m exhausted but I need to work to afford my car insurance, phone bill, gas, and the food I eat when not at home. Sometimes I feel like I’m not home for weeks, I don’t see my family except for at night when I’m too tired to deal with the yelling from either my mom or my dad and mom arguing. When I am home, I pick up my sister from school, and my younger sister yells at me as if she were my mom, because I’m considered the most incompetent of the family. The fighting usually escalates until everyone is screaming, and ends with me being punished with more chores or a slap to the head. She’s never actually hurt me this way. I am shamed for my eating habits at home as well. If I eat something, I’m told I’ll “blow up” and if I don’t eat I get accused of being anorexic. I honestly no longer know how to resolve this issue and have been discussing this with my friends and boyfriend for the past few months. I can’t afford to move out, I can’t talk to her, I can’t leave because if I do it’ll cut off whatever family bonds I have, and I can’t even tell her about my boyfriend that spoils me and treats me like a princess because even though I’m 18 she doesn’t allow me to speak to boys. I’m open to any advice anyone may have for me. Please give me an idea of what to do.

[ccsmod15]

Thank you for reaching out to us. Sorry things have been difficult at home, it sounds like you’ve been putting up with a lot of negativity from your family for awhile. Home should be a safe and nurturing environment, and it seems like you aren’t getting that right now. It’s great that you have friends that you have been able to discuss this with. You may also want to consider talking to a trusted adult like a school social worker or teacher about your situation. It sounds like you are finding your current environment too difficult to live in, but that you are also concerned about leaving or confronting your mom. It makes sense that you would feel stuck in that situation, but a social worker can help you see a way through. There is also a crisis line you can contact to be connected with a counselor. If you feel like you need someone to talk to at anytime you can text “NAMI” to 741741 or call 1-800-950-NAMI. We are also available 24/7 to listen and support you as much as possible. You can contact us through our hotline (1-800-786-2929) or online chat at www.1800runaway.org to discuss your situation more if you'd like. Perhaps we can help you figure out what you'd like to do next, whether that's figuring out a way to move out or just deal (temporarily) with the situation you find yourself in currently. We wish you the best, NRS