Running away to find motivation and determination

[Unregistered]

Hello and first of all i realize this message board is intended to be used for people in USA but i guess,i just needed some place to speak my mind before i do this.
So,i live in india with my single mom,dad left us when i was 3,mom lives with her mom's joint family by extension,meaning even though she lives with them,she earns
and manages her own expenses,including her brother in-law who is jobless and his kids.I was always looked at the salvation for my mom,since i was in grade school
people would come up and say things like,i am the last hope and everything,i did fairly well in middle school,but during high school,i just lost steam,i can't
particularly pin point a reason,i have always been an introverted extrovert,my personality hasn't changed since after grade 6,nor a drastic event had happened in life,
nor did i get into what you'd call bad company or bad habits,i simply lost motivation to study,i never did lose motivation to learn,but to study was becoming a chore everyday,i ended up failing highschool,but did it again,and
later on placed on a state rank 70 in the state engineering entrance examination,going into college,i was overcome with the same loss of apetite for institutional
education and i dropped out before completing my first semester,and then again i switched over to a more business oriented exams i place in the top 1.8 percentile
in the national entrances,moved out of my state to a bigger college,and that brings us to now,I am now 19 years old and on the verge of my 1st semester finals and
i already know i am going to fail,i haven't finished my assignments the dates are already over,i have measly attendance rates,and i haven't put in enough work to
wish for passing marks.I feel like i can't let down my mom anymore,she has been so supportive of me these years when i repeatedly keep failing and yet,i fail
to stay motivated,i feel like if i were to run away,i'd find that motivation to work hard,when i need to feed myself 3 times a day,i know mom would be very sad,
but she's a strong lady and for some reason she has always understood me,even when i fail to understand myself,i don't intend to leave permanently,but i want to
feel like what's it like being at one's wits ends,and i feel like that's the only thing that can set me on a path right now

[ccsmod1]

RE: Running away to find motivation and determination

Thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are in a difficult situation, and we understand it takes courage to reach out for help. Sounds like you are struggling with school, and although you do well on tests and get into good schools, you are unable to keep up the motivation to do the workload. That sounds very difficult. One option may be to transfer to an easier program, or to seek counseling or therapy to work on the underlying issues behind your motivation and academic issues. Failure is difficult for anyone to face, however putting yourself in a situation where you might find it difficult to survive and separating yourself from family support could backfire if it turns out you still find a hard time finding motivation. Sometimes there are underlying health issues that affect academic performance, so you might think about reaching out to help at your school or in your community. The National Runaway Safeline is located in the United States of America (USA). Our knowledge of helpful community based resources and our understanding of youth in crisis related laws is limited to the USA. If you are located in a country outside of the USA, you can use this link to find a youth helpline in or around your country: http://www.childhelplineinternationa...where-we-work/
We hope that by reaching out to a local resource, you are able to get the support you need from an organization that understands the laws and circumstances that affect youth in your country.

[Unregistered]

Re: Running away to find the answer to fix things

Hi, my name is Elisabeth. And I want to get away from the situation I'm in. I can't do my chores right. Even when I try really hard,I can't fix it!
Saturday we have weekly chores, and I did the kitchen and the parlor, and when my mom came in to check it she said it was good! (BTW that is really hard to do!)
So basically I was really happy and my mom wanted to do the kitchen but she was out of breath and I didn't want her to have to do it, I told her I would do it. So
I thought I did a really good job, but turns out the next day she swept the floors and she had a huge dustpile!!!! Like, where did that come from!? Anyway, she said the
parlor wasn't good, the kitchen wasn't good and my room wasn't good. And I mess up the chores all the time and then the times I try to make an extravagant effort
I end up screwing it up anyway. They said the want me out at 17, and my mom hates me and doesn't love me anymore, and it's the same with my dad, but it's harder to hear
from my mom because she tried to kill herself when I was 11 and I've always been extremely attached to my mom but especially after that. :'( So if someone could help
me because I love them more than anything else imaginable. Thank you

[ccsmod1]

Re: Running away to find the answer to fix things

Hi Elizabeth,

Thanks so much for reaching out for help! It sounds like you are under a lot of stress at home. It sounds very difficult to feel that you can never do the chores right, even though you really try. We are sorry to hear that you feel unloved by your family. We are sorry to hear about your mother’s suicide attempt when you were 11, that must have been so hard, and it sounds like you love your family and want to make your mom proud. We are here to listen and support you in any way that we can. It sounds like you do your best, and your mom’s standards for the chores might be too high. Just so you know, it is illegal for your parents to kick you out whne you are 17. They are responsible for you until you are 18 years old. It was really brave for you to reach out for help and share your story. It sounds like you are under a lot of pressure. If you are thinking about running away, we can help you figure out your options and make a plan to stay safe. We are looking forward to hearing from you soon, and wish you the best of luck.