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  • I am 16 want to live with grandparents, dad says no

    I lived with my grandparents when i was a young child. When my mom and dad got their heads on straight I moved with my mom. For 13 years, until my stepdad became abusive mentally, and was very physical at times. My mom took his side, i began failing classes, getting detentions and much more. I finally was able to move with my dad, having been told my moms side of the story for 13 years and now 3 of my dads i cant draw the line between truth and lies being i wasnt old enough to know what actually happened back then. im 16 now and have moved to a small town from a big city and i have excelled. I chose my career here and have had 2 jobs, and amazing resources. My moms has none of that available. Money and space is a big issue at her house as it is extremely limited, besides i cant go back after how i was treated and my academics. But the yelling, name calling, emotional abuse, and everything is happening at my dads. he constantly threatens me as i am an object and he will just move me to my moms. He says he doesnt care and wants me out. says im here to see what i can get, but everything (almost) i have i worked and bought or got from my grandparents. everytime he tells me to move he wont let me go and says why do u think it is so bad here, though he is the one who says you need to leave not me. he says i can only go to my moms, if he doesnt care and wants me out o bad why should it matter where i go? my grandparents have been the most honest, and more like a real parent than they ever have or will, never have treated me poorly and always want me t succeed. They live 20 min from where i live now so i could finish school at the same place, keep my friends, job, and graduate here, as i am a junior so it would be bad to go to a new school right before finals with all new material. I want to live there but my dad says no. he has residential custody, but judge will find my mom unfit and dad wants me gone so it only makes sense....i am 16 and my voice will be considered, along with childs best interests, the only change would be that i live with my grandparents, nothing else would differ so it wouldnt be a stressful dramatic change. Kansas city doesn't offer the classes and organizations I need for my future career.My whole life i have felt no one cared but my grandparents, my parents just toss me around but if my dad really cares about me he will let me go to one of the two options that is beneficial which wouldn't be my moms.Then again he flat out told me he doesnt care.

  • #2
    Re: I am 16 want to live with grandparents, dad says no

    Hello there,

    Thanks for reaching out today. It sounds like you are having an extremely hard time living with your dad and you don’t want to go back to your mom’s, rather you want to stay with your loving grandparents again. That is really understandable, you deserve to live in an environment where you can thrive and be safe.

    You are right, you might have some legal rights to decide which guardian you stay with since you are 16. Unfortunately, since it doesn’t sound like your grandparents have any legal guardianship over you, you do not have the legal right to stay with them without parental/guardian permission. We are not legal experts, but if you call or chat us we can provide you with legal aid resources if you would like to better answer your custody questions.

    It sounds like your dad is saying you can’t live with your grandparents even though he does not want you to live with him either. That seems really unfair. Do you think you could get permission to live with your grandparents from your mom? You can legally live there with permission from a legal guardian, so she might be able to help you since your dad will not.

    If you would like to talk about your situation more and help with brainstorming your options, we strongly encourage you to call or live chat us. We want to help you as best we can.

    We look forward to hearing from you.

    Best wishes,

    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected]unaway.org (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      I want to move in with my grandma. I will be 17 in a month but doubt my parents will let me. my mom and I don't get along, and my grandmas house is closer to my school.

      Comment


      • ccsmod2
        ccsmod2 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hey there,
        Thanks for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We are happy to help in any way that we can.
        You said that you want to move in with your grandma but you doubt that your parents will let you. That can be a difficult conversation to have, especially if you feel like the answer will not be the one you are hoping for. If you would like, we offer a conference calling service here at NRS. To use this, you can call into us here at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929), and we would discuss your situation a little bit further with you. Once you are comfortable, we would call out to your parent or whoever you would want to have this conversation with, and ask them about what is going on from their perspective. We would then connect the call and our goal is to provide a line of support to ensure that your conversation remains productive and compromise-driven. Some people also opt to have a discussion like this with a trusted friend or relative as the third party. In this case, maybe your grandma would want to do this since she is the one you are hoping to live with.
        You also mentioned that you and your mom do not get along. It is tough to feel like the person who should be your main support is not providing you with that warm feeling. If this is an abusive situation, Child Help is the National Child Abuse Hotline – childhelp.org and phone number 1-800-422-4453. No child deserves to be abused. If you ever find yourself in immediate danger, please call 911. If this is not an abusive situation, it is still difficult to manage not feeling fully comfortable in your home life. Sometimes a school counselor or trusted teacher or friend is good to confide your feelings in. Counselors may also be able to provide you with some coping mechanisms if it turns out you do stay at home instead of living with your grandma. At times when you have a disagreement, some people find it helpful to take a walk, listen to music that they like, or do an activity that they like to do.
        If you would like to talk through any of these or other possibilities more, feel free to reach out to us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We are a 24/7, completely confidential safeline. Here to listen, here to help.
        Best of luck,
        NRS

    • #4
      hi I'm 14 and live with my mom I havent seen my dad since I was 5 but I secretly text him because my mom doesn't let me talk to him or see him she has restraining orders on him for her safety he hasnt hurt me only her she downs want any other family members knowing where we live no one on her side of the family and no one on my dad's side I ask to move with my grandma because she always verbally abuses me one time a couple years ago she threw me down the stairs and choked me till I passed out all I want to do I move with my grandma but she thinks it's a "bad idea" I don't know what to do

      Comment


      • ccsmod3
        ccsmod3 commented
        Editing a comment
        Thank you for reaching out to us. It sounds like you are in a tough situation. That must be hard not being able to talk with your father openly. You mentioned experiencing emotional abuse which may be reportable against your mom. Please keep in mind you by no means deserve any type of abuse, emotional or otherwise. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often harder to provide evidence for compared to physical abuse which is often what CPS relies on when conducting an abuse investigation. That said, we can’t be 100% sure what the outcome will be if your local CPS decides to open a case based on what you share. Sometimes CPS decides to remove minors from the home and other times they offer services such as family counseling or mediation instead. The only way to know the outcome might be to reach out to them directly and if you’re ready to do that we are here to help you through that process. Reaching out to Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 or www.childhelp.org may help to get a better understanding of what may happen before and after a report is made. We hope this helps. Please reach out if we can offer any further support. Be safe.

    • #5
      I am 16 and I want to move in with my grandmother and her boyfriend. I'm on probation until I'm 18, but I seriously can't stay with my parents anymore. Since I was young, both my mom and dad have been physically and verbally abusive to each other, my mom has been a drug addict and alcoholic since before I can remember. I'm not sure how moving out works since I'm only 16 and I'm on probation, but any help would be appreciated.

      Comment


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        Thanks for contacting us. We are really sorry that home is a tough place to be at this time. It sounds like you truly are dealing with a lot. It makes sense that you'd be seeking a change. You certainly deserve to live in a healthy environment.

        We aren't legal experts, but we can explore your situation a bit. A lot depends on two things: 1) what the terms of your probation are, 2) whether or not your parents allow you to live with your grandmother. On the first point, you probably should check with your probation officer as to whether moving would put you (or your parents) in any legal trouble. Leaving home without permission generally opens a youth up to being in violation of their status as a minor, which is normally not a crime. But since you are on probation there could be more serious legal ramifications if you leave home as a runaway. Again, it's probably best to contact your probation officer or a lawyer. If you need to find free legal aid you can give us a call 1-800-RUNAWAY or chat with us via the portal on our website: www.1800runaway.org. We have a large database that includes many legal aid resources.

        On the second point you might want to consider asking your parents for permission to live with your grandmother (that is, if your probation status allows you to do that). If they don't give you permission they could file a runaway report on you and you could be detained by police. Again, normally running away is not considered a crime, but your probation status may complicate matters. Furthermore, if you leave home without permission to live with your grandmother, she could be considered to be harboring a runaway, which is a misdemeanor.

        That's a long way of saying that it's *possible* you might be able to move out in your situation, but it is complicated and you might want to talk to your probation officer and your parents about moving out before you decide to do so.

        Now, since you mention that your home environment includes domestic violence and substance abuse it may not in fact be a safe place for you to live. If you feel you would like to make an abuse report you have the right to do that. We never tell anyone what to do, but you do have that right. If you'd like we can file on your behalf if you give us a call or chat with us. But it's totally up to you.

        We'd like to help out further, even if it's just to listen and talk about what you are going through. Perhaps we here can work together to help you figure out what your best options are. Again, feel free to call us anytime. We are confidential and here 24/7 at 1-800-RUNAWAY.

        Please stay safe and good luck!

        NRS

    • #6
      I'm will be Turing 16 soon and I want to live with my grandparents because at the minute I'm living with my 9 sibling, my mum and step dad and my step dad won't let me do a thing he is a nasty person and he shouts alot and I don't know what to do

      Comment


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi there,
        Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. With 9 other siblings to live with it is understandably frustrating to have that many people in the house at once. Then throwing on your set-dad’s behavior and it makes sense to want to find somewhere more quiet to stay.
        While we are not experts on the law, 18 is generally the age that an individual may leave home without parent permission. If you are under 18 and leave home, your parent/guardian may file you as a runaway and you may be returned home. Also, those you stay with may run the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. For more specifics on the law, the local non-emergency police or legal aid may better answer legal questions.
        We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.
        Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
        If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
        Be safe,
        NRS

    • #7
      I am 16 years old now I lived with my mom up until 12 around the age of 9 she got back with an ex who just it out of prison for drugs and they started using my family kept me and my sisters and little brother from it as long as they could until my mom shut them out she lied about my father multiple times and then the last 6 months I was their my “stepfather” got abusive with her and she finally retaliated kicking him out, but that only lasted a day and then she ended up disappearing leaving us with him for about three weeks on the last week the power went out then she suddenly came back and then DHS showed up a week after this asking if she was using and she said yes, we were taken from her and given to our grandmother and then I was sent to my fathers the first year was fine it was more or less the same without any relationship fighting and arguing all the time but then he started cracking down after I started leaving without saying anything so I started asking, and then one Christmas I went up to my grandmothers to see my family and when he came back to get me he was with a woman he had been with four years ago for a short time only this time I was there and then they got back together they started acting weird and all of sudden one day in the middle of the night I heard yelling and it was loud, I normally couldn’t wake up unless my alarm was within a foot of me but they were on the other side of two walls yelling and then stuff was thrown and all of a sudden I heard a Big Bang and later on after the noise was done I went to bed but when I woke up I noticed the door was broken literally cracked from my father being thrown into it, and after that it just kept going and going and he started cracking down harder and harder until the summer came and then that’s when I started smoking cigarettes, weed, drinking I was only 13 14 and I didn’t know what else to do besides leave and he started to not let me leave so I just normalized leaving in the middle of the night but it was always so hard because I just kept getting yelled at for the ******** he did until finally he kicked her out and opened up to me talking about how he started using, and I’m not talking about needles, I’m talking like a thin glass pipe and then we ended up getting kicked out by the landlord, then we moved in with his gf and it just kept happening for about a month until we moved into a friends 2nd story of a 2 car work shop garage. Which was decent sized for about two months. The whole time since he came and got me with her he started thinking I was taking his stuff saying I was doing it for the fun of it or to get back at him. After that we ended up moving into that same guy’s rental apartment after he bought it, paying $500 a month. She moved in out with us after about a month of us living here.my dad has finally snapped after about a year and a half and is now snapping down like I’m his cub stealing half of his food and messing with the other half thinking I’m always messing with his stuff, all the while I stayed away as much as possible keeping my distance, staying at a friend’s house here and their staying at my cousins moms whenever she comes up and if he finally just stopped caring because he has hit me in the head three times now and the last time I turned slamming him against the fridge and then he shoved me in the bathroom then I pushed him grabbed him by the throat and starting tightening and then all of a sudden I had stopped and he shoved me against the wall threatening me and then let go realizing what he had done, I’m done with his ******** and I’m just thinking about OD-ing because that would be the nicest way to get away from this at this point I just can’t take it anymore and Ik I’m going to regret it but if he won’t let me move in with a different family member then I’m just going to end it, at least this way I won’t be looking at myself wondering if I should just slit my throat I wanted to move to my grandmothers for so long but now she has my two cousins and I can’t let her have to deal with another, so I guess I just gave up I don’t know the point of this besides it gives me some consolation.

      Last edited by ccsmod4; 10-31-2020, 12:24 AM.

      Comment


      • ccsmod4
        ccsmod4 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hello,
        Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

        We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you have been through a lot with your father from emotional to physical abusive behavior. You don’t deserve any of the things that happened. You have been strong and have persevered. We understand the frustration dealing with your parent’s has caused you. Sometimes when things may seem overwhelming it’s hard to know where to turn. It’s not your fault that things have worked out this way. It sounds like you would have liked to have stayed with your grandmother but feel she has enough to cope with.
        Perhaps you might consider speaking with her first before ruling things out.

        NRS is here to listen and here to help.
        We would like to be of assistance to you if we can. It is times like these that would be nice to have a listening ear. It is also important that you remember to exercise self- care. You showed some by reaching out to NRS. Good for you. It’s not your fault that they behave this way. It sounds emotionally abusive. Your feelings are important and they matter.
        You are deserving as anyone that wants to be happy.
        We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat so that we might learn a little more about your situation and how we might assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

        Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

        This may feel like an isolated time for you right now but you are not alone.
        If you are experiencing feelings of hopelessness, depression or having suicidal thoughts, we encourage you to reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at: 1-800-273-8255

        Take care,
        NRS
        Last edited by ccsmod4; 10-31-2020, 12:25 AM.

    • #8
      I am 16 and I want to move with my grandmother but my mom and step-dad wont let me. I dont like living here. Its like thier taking my childhood away from me. I can´t go out with friends, I barley see my family members. Since my dad is in prision I cant live with him. They force me to be in this religion. I told them multiple times this is not what I want to do and they just don´t listen I should have a say about my life and what I want to do and where I want to live.

      Comment


      • ccsmod0
        ccsmod0 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi there,
        Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems there is a lot that you are faced with right now and you’re feeling like leaving is one of your only options.
        The easiest way to leave home is with your parents' permission. We understand that might be challenging, however, maybe there’s another family member, relative, or a family friend who could help to communicate how you’re feeling to your parents. The second way is through Child Protective Services if safety is a concern. Lastly, you can also look into emancipation options. In most states you need to be at least 16 to be considered and demonstrate that you can support yourself financially and independently. Emancipation often can be a lengthy process and may even cost some money for court fees. We would be happy to look into legal resources if that’s something you are considering.
        We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.
        Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button). If you would like to look into further emotional support options, you can text with a crisis worker at the National Alliance on Mental Illness 24/7 by texting "NAMI" to 741741.
        If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
        Be safe,
        NRS

    • #9
      Hi I’m 17 and I want to live with my grandparents in Minnesota but my dad wants me to live with him in New York which I hate it here and don’t like the life with him he’s cheating on my mom and my mom isn’t with us due to immigration reasons but she will eventually be here in time ... I don’t want to live with him I’m not happy and don’t feel okay with the life he is living and I feel that by staying with him I’m unable to achieve what I want. what can I do in my situation?

      Comment


      • ccsmod16
        ccsmod16 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hello there,

        Thanks for reaching out. It takes a lot of strength and courage to recognize when you need extra help. It sounds like the situation with your father is very complicated. It's understandable why you are not okay with how your father is living, and we want to support you as much as possible. If you haven't talked to your dad about how you feel and why you want to move, we offer a service to do a conference call with your parents. We can provide support and serve as a mediator. If you could contact us via our hotline and provide more detailed information about your situation, we can make the call and may be able to help identify other options.

        Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or you can chat with live at 1800RUNAWAY.org. We are here 24/7. We wish you the best of luck and hope to hear from you soon.

    • #10
      Hi, I am an 16 year old girl, who lived in Joplin Mo her whole life with an abuse mom and step dad. I have gotten kicked out of my mom and forced to live with my real dad, my new step mom and new step brother. This might not be a problem if i didn't have to move to Arkansas and I didn't have to live all my family, school, my boyfriend and friends behind. I want to go and live with my grandparents in Joplin but my real dad wont let me. My real dad and i don't have a good relationship and i don't like my step brother or step mom. I feel like i am living with stranger.

      Comment


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hey there, thanks for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline (NRS). It sounds like you’re going through a challenging time and we’re glad you reached out. It’s resourceful of you to find us, and courageous of you to reach out for support!

        While we are NOT experts on the law, 18 is generally the age that an individual may leave home without guardian permission. For more specifics on the law, the local Non-Emergency Police or Legal Aid may better answer legal questions. If you are able to call our hotline, we can call agencies with you if you want. Some youth have found it useful to ask the non-emergency police if they would actively look for a 16-year old youth that runs away and if the people the youth is staying with might possibility be charged with “harboring a runaway” (if you think your guardian would file a runaway report with the local police).

        No one deserves to be harmed in any way or feel unsafe at home. If you’d like a child abuse report filed, some options are: you can file a report (Arkansas: https://humanservices.arkansas.gov/a.../how-to-report OR Missouri: https://dss.mo.gov/cd/keeping-kids-safe/can.htm), you can tell a teacher or school counselor (as they are mandated reporters), and also we can help you file a report if you want. Also, Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/ is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed; they can tell you more about how Child Protective Services (CPS) might respond to the situation. You also have the right to contact the police at 911.

        Based on what you’ve shared we’ve included resource options you might consider reaching out to.

        Lafayette House emergency shelter at (800) 416-1772 and https://lafayettehouse.org/domestic-...-intervention/

        Legal Aid of Western Missouri at (800) 492-7095 and https://lawmo.org/contact-locate/joplin/

        You can look at National Safe Place to find safe spaces for youth at https://www.nationalsafeplace.org/find-a-safe-place.

        If you contact us via our confidential CHAT service or the HOTLINE we can discuss options with you in real time. Often having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. And if you call us, we can call out to youth agencies or the non-emergency police with you if you’d like.

        You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this difficult time.

        We are Limited in the Number of Times we can respond Via the Forum so if you’d like further contact, please instead contact us via our ONLINE CHAT SERVICE at www.1800runaway.org (click on the CHAT button) or our HOTLINE at 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929). We are available 24/7. We are here for you and wish you all the best, NRS

    • #11
      Hi I’m 17 years old and I want to live with my grandparents but my dad wouldn’t allow that my mom would tho but she is in my country due to immigration purposes until time is right ... however my dad has replaced my mom and I am not okay with it I hate my dad and for the past 9 years he was a toxic father and I lived with my mom but we came to USA for better opportunities as people say, I stayed at my grandparents in another state for a while due to visiting them and was going to school but then he wanted me and my sister to come back when we did he has a girlfriend and wants us to stay with him and go to school here ... but I am uncomfortable with the situation he does talk to any of my mom family and I doubt he will allow me to go stay with my grandparents I was way happier with them than I am with him ... is there anything I could do ? I once taught of suicide but I realize it’s not worth it and I thinked about my mom that she’s so far away and it would be unfair ... I also taught of running away but I don’t know what to do

      Comment


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi there,
        Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems there is a lot that you are faced with right now and you’re feeling like leaving is one of your only options. It seems you want to know some information on runaway laws.
        While we are not experts on the law, 18 is generally the age that an individual may leave home without parent permission. If you are under 18 and leave home, your parent/guardian may file you as a runaway and you may be returned home. Also, those you stay with may run the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. For more specifics on the law, the local non-emergency police or legal aid may better answer legal questions.
        We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by forum to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.
        Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
        If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
        Be safe,
        NRS

    • #12
      I’m 16 and want to live with my grandparents buh my parents won’t let me

      Comment


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi there,
        Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
        Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
        If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
        We hope to hear from you soon.
        Be safe,
        NRS
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