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I am 16 want to live with grandparents, dad says no

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  • I am 16 want to live with grandparents, dad says no

    I lived with my grandparents when i was a young child. When my mom and dad got their heads on straight I moved with my mom. For 13 years, until my stepdad became abusive mentally, and was very physical at times. My mom took his side, i began failing classes, getting detentions and much more. I finally was able to move with my dad, having been told my moms side of the story for 13 years and now 3 of my dads i cant draw the line between truth and lies being i wasnt old enough to know what actually happened back then. im 16 now and have moved to a small town from a big city and i have excelled. I chose my career here and have had 2 jobs, and amazing resources. My moms has none of that available. Money and space is a big issue at her house as it is extremely limited, besides i cant go back after how i was treated and my academics. But the yelling, name calling, emotional abuse, and everything is happening at my dads. he constantly threatens me as i am an object and he will just move me to my moms. He says he doesnt care and wants me out. says im here to see what i can get, but everything (almost) i have i worked and bought or got from my grandparents. everytime he tells me to move he wont let me go and says why do u think it is so bad here, though he is the one who says you need to leave not me. he says i can only go to my moms, if he doesnt care and wants me out o bad why should it matter where i go? my grandparents have been the most honest, and more like a real parent than they ever have or will, never have treated me poorly and always want me t succeed. They live 20 min from where i live now so i could finish school at the same place, keep my friends, job, and graduate here, as i am a junior so it would be bad to go to a new school right before finals with all new material. I want to live there but my dad says no. he has residential custody, but judge will find my mom unfit and dad wants me gone so it only makes sense....i am 16 and my voice will be considered, along with childs best interests, the only change would be that i live with my grandparents, nothing else would differ so it wouldnt be a stressful dramatic change. Kansas city doesn't offer the classes and organizations I need for my future career.My whole life i have felt no one cared but my grandparents, my parents just toss me around but if my dad really cares about me he will let me go to one of the two options that is beneficial which wouldn't be my moms.Then again he flat out told me he doesnt care.

  • #2
    Re: I am 16 want to live with grandparents, dad says no

    Hello there,

    Thanks for reaching out today. It sounds like you are having an extremely hard time living with your dad and you don’t want to go back to your mom’s, rather you want to stay with your loving grandparents again. That is really understandable, you deserve to live in an environment where you can thrive and be safe.

    You are right, you might have some legal rights to decide which guardian you stay with since you are 16. Unfortunately, since it doesn’t sound like your grandparents have any legal guardianship over you, you do not have the legal right to stay with them without parental/guardian permission. We are not legal experts, but if you call or chat us we can provide you with legal aid resources if you would like to better answer your custody questions.

    It sounds like your dad is saying you can’t live with your grandparents even though he does not want you to live with him either. That seems really unfair. Do you think you could get permission to live with your grandparents from your mom? You can legally live there with permission from a legal guardian, so she might be able to help you since your dad will not.

    If you would like to talk about your situation more and help with brainstorming your options, we strongly encourage you to call or live chat us. We want to help you as best we can.

    We look forward to hearing from you.

    Best wishes,

    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


    • #3
      I want to move in with my grandma. I will be 17 in a month but doubt my parents will let me. my mom and I don't get along, and my grandmas house is closer to my school.


      • ccsmod2
        ccsmod2 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hey there,
        Thanks for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We are happy to help in any way that we can.
        You said that you want to move in with your grandma but you doubt that your parents will let you. That can be a difficult conversation to have, especially if you feel like the answer will not be the one you are hoping for. If you would like, we offer a conference calling service here at NRS. To use this, you can call into us here at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929), and we would discuss your situation a little bit further with you. Once you are comfortable, we would call out to your parent or whoever you would want to have this conversation with, and ask them about what is going on from their perspective. We would then connect the call and our goal is to provide a line of support to ensure that your conversation remains productive and compromise-driven. Some people also opt to have a discussion like this with a trusted friend or relative as the third party. In this case, maybe your grandma would want to do this since she is the one you are hoping to live with.
        You also mentioned that you and your mom do not get along. It is tough to feel like the person who should be your main support is not providing you with that warm feeling. If this is an abusive situation, Child Help is the National Child Abuse Hotline – and phone number 1-800-422-4453. No child deserves to be abused. If you ever find yourself in immediate danger, please call 911. If this is not an abusive situation, it is still difficult to manage not feeling fully comfortable in your home life. Sometimes a school counselor or trusted teacher or friend is good to confide your feelings in. Counselors may also be able to provide you with some coping mechanisms if it turns out you do stay at home instead of living with your grandma. At times when you have a disagreement, some people find it helpful to take a walk, listen to music that they like, or do an activity that they like to do.
        If you would like to talk through any of these or other possibilities more, feel free to reach out to us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We are a 24/7, completely confidential safeline. Here to listen, here to help.
        Best of luck,

    • #4
      hi I'm 14 and live with my mom I havent seen my dad since I was 5 but I secretly text him because my mom doesn't let me talk to him or see him she has restraining orders on him for her safety he hasnt hurt me only her she downs want any other family members knowing where we live no one on her side of the family and no one on my dad's side I ask to move with my grandma because she always verbally abuses me one time a couple years ago she threw me down the stairs and choked me till I passed out all I want to do I move with my grandma but she thinks it's a "bad idea" I don't know what to do


      • ccsmod3
        ccsmod3 commented
        Editing a comment
        Thank you for reaching out to us. It sounds like you are in a tough situation. That must be hard not being able to talk with your father openly. You mentioned experiencing emotional abuse which may be reportable against your mom. Please keep in mind you by no means deserve any type of abuse, emotional or otherwise. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often harder to provide evidence for compared to physical abuse which is often what CPS relies on when conducting an abuse investigation. That said, we can’t be 100% sure what the outcome will be if your local CPS decides to open a case based on what you share. Sometimes CPS decides to remove minors from the home and other times they offer services such as family counseling or mediation instead. The only way to know the outcome might be to reach out to them directly and if you’re ready to do that we are here to help you through that process. Reaching out to Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 or may help to get a better understanding of what may happen before and after a report is made. We hope this helps. Please reach out if we can offer any further support. Be safe.
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