I don't know what to do anymore

[Unregistered]

My parents have been keeping me completely isolated my entire life, prevented me from getting mental help, bullied and belittled me for having mental problems afterwards, they have put a lot of pressure on me to take care of my siblings and I've been changing their diapers, feeding them, bathing and clothing them ever since they were teeny tiny. I am 17 years old, I am a transgender man and they also gave me long transphobic and hateful lectures on how I will never be their son and I won't make it in this world, they barely even let me outside though. They don't let me attend school or even online school. They take my medications and keep them away from me and they don't let me take them, they take away my internet connection for days or weeks at a time and my dad often gets angry and lashes out on me, and both of my parents are physically, emotionally and verbally abusive. But mainly toward me because they expect me to grow up and be mature since I am the oldest of my siblings. I have suffered depression for years and I have had enough of crying to sleep some nights and having to be waken up by my father dragging me out of bed by my hair and screaming at me. They seem normal around other people. No one believes me. Not even the police. I tried to tell the police myself, my friend had convinced me to call the cops and they came and spoke to my parents and the guy said to me "you should respect your parents. They are good people. You have nice parents."

I want to move out and leave. I have friends who have offered me a place to stay until I can find my own, I have plans to get a job as well, the trouble is my parents threatened me and said that if I was ever to leave they would have me sent to some mental facility or report me missing and have me locked up somehow. They don't let me go anywhere or do anything. I can't avoid them anymore because after they're done fighting with each other my dad blames me and says it's my fault and whatnot.

I live in Florida by the way. Don't know if that is relevant.

The chat line has been down for days and I can't call the hotline because my parents and siblings would hear me on the phone. And considering they don't allow me to have friends, they would surely find it suspicious. I don't know where else to turn. No one believes me when I try to tell them and my parents turn it around in me when I do and I am sick of being afraid and having nightmares and being stressed all the time because I don't know when they will be mad at me again. I apologise for this being so long.. I didn't intend for it to be.

I am not even sure what I hope to come out of this. I just feel so alone. I feel as if I will never be able to get out of here. I can't just up and leave in the middle of the night... At least I don't think I can. It doesn't sound like it would work anyway.

[ccsmod14]

Re: I don't know what to do anymore

Hi there,

Thank you so much for reaching out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you have been having a hard time at home lately and we’re sorry to hear about this. You shared that you have tried to chat- we’re sorry that you have not been able to get through. Our chat is open daily, but the hours are limited. It’s understandable why you would not be comfortable calling based on the information you have shared about life at home. We’re really glad you still found a way to reach out and share a bit about what’s been going on.

You shared that you have been abused at home. You do not deserve to be abused in any way, by anybody. You deserve to feel safe in your own home. You also shared that you have not been allowed to go to school. This could be considered neglect. We want you to know that it is your right to make a report with Child Protective Services of your state. It sounds like you have not had a good response from police in the past which has to be frustrating. If you would like assistance making a report with CPS, you can call us here at (800) RUNAWAY (786 2929) and we can make a report with you or on your behalf. Another resource you could use is Child Help USA at (800) 422 4453.

Based on your experience of calling the police, there may or may not already be a report filed with CPS. There is another organization that can be helpful for youth that have experienced abuse at home but are not getting the help they deserve through the systems: http://justiceforchildren.org/.

You shared that you are transgender and your parents have not been accepting of this. You deserve acceptance regardless of your gender identity. The GLBT National Hotline is another organization (88 843 4564, or they also have chat here: http://www.volunteerlogin.org/chat/index.html.

It sounds like you are thinking about leaving, and you have a place to go if you do leave. We’re not here to tell anybody what they should or should not do. We’re just here to help keep you safe in what you decide is best for your situation. We’re not legal experts but generally speaking, if a youth leaves before the age of 18, their legal guardians could make a runaway report and if that report is made, and the police find them they would typically just bring the youth back home. However, anyone you stay with could potentially be charged for harboring. Being 17 years old, it’s possible the police could handle your situation differently, but unfortunately there is no way that we could say for certain whether or not this would be the case. If you happen to find a way to call us, we could potentially call out to your local law enforcement with you to ask some questions about how they would handle a 17 year old runaway.

We’re here to help you the best that we can. Please do not hesitate to call or chat with us whenever you can to talk further.

Best,
NRS

[Unregistered]

The trouble is, I cannot call over the phone. I can't call anyone without my parents overhearing me. I don't have any friends to use the excuse "I am on the phone with a friend" because they don't allow that and I don't really have any friends that they know about. So that would be suspicious. And I might actually get in trouble for having online friends. If I could call over the phone, I would've done so already because I haven't had any luck with anything else.

In all honesty, I am forcing myself to try and reach out for help at this point. Otherwise I would think death would be considered the easiest and least painful way out, in my opinion. But a friend of mine told me to keep trying. I am not sure what to do anymore and I am far beyond overwhelmed by things and I don't have anyone to tell because I don't want to worry my friends and stress them out. I hate to be annoying I am sorry I probably don't make a lot of sense.....

[ccsmod7]

Re:

Hello there,

We're glad you reached out to us. We'll try to help. It sounds like you are going through a difficult time in your life. It's thoughtful of you not to want to worry your friends. You are not being annoying but it would be helpful for us if we knew what is upsetting you and causing you to think of extreme measures. You might want to live chat with the National Suicide Hotline at www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org. They can offer you support and options. And you can chat with us anytime. We are here 24/7 and are confidential. We also have a live chat service that is active from 4:30-11:30pm.

We look forward to hearing from you.

Best wishes,

NRS

[Unregistered]

Actually your chat doesn't seem to work. I have been trying to use it.. It doesn't connect to any person. It takes me to the page where I should wait for someone to become available, and I waited for an hour and fell asleep. When I woke up it still hadn't connected to anyone. Maybe I did something wrong? I don't know.. I'm sorry

[ccsmod7]

Re:

Hello there, thanks for contacting us. We are sorry you are having problems accessing chat. It might have been something specific to your window, so you might try to open up another chat window if no one is responding to your first one. We do have people staffing chat, so it might take a little bit for someone to become available when we are busy. Also due to personal, we do not offer chat 24/7. It is best to try to use chat between 4:30pm and 11:30pm. If you tried during that time already and were not successful, please try again.

We sincerely apologize for not taking your chat – whatever the case might have been.

We are here awaiting your chat, and we want to help you as best we can.

Best wishes,

NRS