I don't know what to do anymore.

[Unregistered]

Hi! I'm 20. I've decided that, for now, I'm kind of tired of living at home with my mother. She has health issues now and, while I feel guilty for wanting to leave, I feel like I can't please her anymore. I was in college, but when I quit to try to get a job, the jabs got worse than they were. My brother only recently got a job after dropping out of high school but now suddenly he's the star of the show. I'm not saying anyone should be treated poorly, but I'd like to know what to do to please my mother. Two days ago I tried to make a deal with her - she leaves me alone and lets me do housework in my own time as long as I take care of the immediate necessities first thing in the morning. That fell apart today (I think).

I'm tired of feeling like s*** and like there's nothing I can do to please her. This was only the second day of this deal and things are already way far south. As far as I can understand, I don't do things because I want to avoid them. Why do I avoid them? Is it time for me to leave somehow? How will I survive? I can't even get a job!

Any help you guys can provide will be very appreciated. Thank you.

[ccsmod2]

re: I don't know what to do anymore

Hello,

Thanks for sharing your story. It seems like you and your mom don't really get along well, and you're feeling like you want to be out on your own. Since you are 18 you are more than likely considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live. We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can.

Take care,
NRS

[Unregistered]

Re: I don't know what to do anymore. (Part 2)

Hello! Me again!

A lot has happened since my last post.

I still don't know what to do. I've started building better habits (daily/often chores get done more frequently), but my mom and I are still stuck in the same spot we were in when I posted the first time. I'm kinda past the point of feeling like.. well.. excrement, and just don't really feel.. anything. I feel very indifferent about things now. I guess my brain has come to the conclusion that I can't please her, because even after improving my behavior, we're still having the same conversations. She still feels like I'm not doing enough. I think I've decided that what she wants is for me to wait on her hand and foot and keep the entire house clean and work. But even then I'm not sure that'd make her happy.

Is there anything I can do to please her at this point or is it just time to go?

Thanks again!

[ccsmod9]

Re: I don't know what to do anymore. (Part 2)

Hello again,

Thanks for replying.

We’re sorry to hear that things have changed. It sounds really frustrating to deal with. It sounds like mom is really depending on you to take care of her and that doesn’t seem fair. We’re sorry you’re feeling like this, you don’t deserve to be treated this way.

We’re not here to tell you what to do. Only you can make this decision. It sounds like you’re leaning on leaving and it might be time to consider if you think life will be better on your own or at home. In your last post we suggested some things to get you on your feet. If you’d like some help trying to find out more about those items, feel free to give us a call here at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) and we’d be happy to help in any way we can.

Another thing you could try is a conference call with someone here and your mother. You’d have to give us a call here first, but then we’d be able to act as a mediator during a conversation with you and your mom. If you think that is something that would work, feel free to give us a call and we’d be happy to give it a try.

Best of luck,
NRS