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My mom makes me want to kill myself

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  • ccsmod16
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi,
    Thank you for reaching out; we are glad that you did. It really sounds like things are very difficult at home - both with your mom and your grandparents. It sounds like they are very overprotective and over controlling. You are very courageous for coming here and talking about things that hurt.
    Overcoming your eating disorder is a monumental task that we hope you feel extremely proud of. It's understandable that if you don't have control of any aspect of your life, that your mind turned to trying to feel in control through food. It sounds like you are doing all the right things to keep yourself healthy and strong. Again, you can feel proud of yourself for that.
    The fact that no one noticed how sick you were from malnourishment is awful and we are very sorry for this and for everything you are going through. We are very glad that you have your boyfriend for support. That is what you deserve.
    We would really like to talk with you further about what you are going through. We absolutely believe you and we believe in you and we are here to listen and help you. We do that best if we can have a conversation, either via live chat through this website, or by calling our hotline at 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929). Either way, we are here for you 24/7 and will help you find out what your options might be.
    We truly hope to hear from you soon.
    Sincerely,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I dont know what to do anymore. I'm 16, my parents are divorced but my dad lives very far away and I live between my mom and grandparents houses because they don't believe I should be all alone under the age of 18. Now, I personally believe that I've been a well behaved child for most of my life. Mostly because I feel scared for my well-being if I'm not well behaved. But my family will always try to find something to pick at. My mom found one dish in the sink and started screaming at me for it. I had trouble cleaning the toilet and asked her for help and it ended up in her hitting me till I had the courage to run to my room and shut the door. Whenever I would try to speak to her about my feelings, she would yell at me and aak if it was her fault and since I still love her and dont want her to feel hurt, I would always say no. This cycle of her yelling and me saying no about her hurting me finally ended when I spoke up about how I felt but I feel like its only gotten worse since then. It will be confusing because she'll have her moments where she's extremely nice and sweet to the point where it's overbearing, but when I do one wrong thing her emotions immediately change and she starts screaming at me and if I speak up for myself I get scared that she'll start hitting me. Then she goes out to smoke and will apologize for how she acted. Its been like this nonstop for most of my life, but its been the most prominent this year with quarantine. My grandparents arent much better, they dont trust me to go out, my grandma will guiltrip me for wanting to spend the night at one of my friend's houses, and my grandpa is similar to my mom except he doesn't hit me. I dont want to live with my dad because he has mental issues as well that he's still dealing with and this also brings me to my second point. In the past year I overcame an eating disorder to where I would barely eat anything and ignore if I was hungry. Nobody ever noticed because the scale said I was just fine but I felt absolutely terrible. I couldn't sleep, always felt nauseous, my eyebags were intense and I was the most depressed I felt in my life. This year with the help of my boyfriend, I've been overcoming my eating disorder but with how my parents treat me its been extremely difficult. Now, I work out for at least an hour every day and I also clean and organize every single day because of chores. I feel absolutely healthy and the doctor even told my mom after blood and urine tests that even though the scale may show that I'm heavy, its most likely muscle and high bone density that shows that. My parents would like to digress. My mom has had trouble with her weight in the past and its like she's self projecting, always saying "you could do more exercise" "try eating less" "you should lose about 20 pounds, then you'll look good again" It's similar with my dad always saying that I should go on a diet that cuts carbs out of my life and that my weight is my main issue. I also have an extensive history of physical child abuse that I feel really affected me mentally when paired with my moms emotional and verbal abuse. My dad does want me to get a therapist but my parents dont have the money. I try to talk to him about my mom and he completely ignores what I say and just says "well she still loves you." Long story short: My mom is abusive, my grandparents aren't much better, I barely have any independence, I'm constantly criticized by my whole family about my weight, and my dad doesn't believe that I'm struggling .

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  • ccsmod5
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thank you for reaching out to us, it sounds like things have been really tough at home. We understand it takes great courage to reach out, we’re glad you did. We hope to help as best we can. You mentioned experiencing emotional abuse which may be reportable against your mom. Please keep in mind you by no means deserve any type of abuse, emotional or otherwise. You deserve to be in a home where you feel safe and secure. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often harder to provide evidence for compared to physical abuse which is often what CPS relies on when conducting an abuse investigation. That said, we can’t be 100% sure what the outcome will be if your local CPS decides to open a case based on what you share. Sometimes CPS decides to remove minors from the home and other times they offer services such as family counseling or mediation instead. The only way to know the outcome might be to reach out to them directly and if you’re ready to do that we are here to help you through that process. Reaching out to Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 or www.childhelp.org may help to get a better understanding of what may happen before and after a report is made.
    Please keep in mind, you can reach out to Child Help and simply ask questions. Reaching out to does not mean you have to make a report right then and there, you can ask for information and support and choose to report whenever you may feel ready.
    We hope this helps. Please reach out if we can offer any further support.

    Be safe,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hello, I'm a 15 year old girl.
    My Mom really hates me and only me. I am the 2nd born of 4 siblings and she always singles me out. My mom tends to ignore me and verbally abuse me. It so painful to feel that my own mother hates me. I haven't done anything to deserve her hate. I'm not the best of my siblings but I'm not the worst either. I'm always blamed for my siblings and her actions. I have never hurt myself but I have always thought of it. I don't know what to do anymore. Truthfully I don't think I'm at the breaking point but im close. I cry everyday since it has gotten worse now. I dont know what to do.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod5
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to police or seek emergency assistance immediately.
    Unfortunately our resources are limited to the United States, but we did find an organization to protect children from being harmed in Germany. The phone number is: +49 551 7709844 and the website is https://kinderschutzbund-goettingen.de/
    Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
    We wish you the best of luck.

    Be safe,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    hey im a 13 year old girl and my parents caused me so many traumas and I grow up thinking it’s normal. Im living in Germany right now and let me explain you how it’s is, They fight sometimes but when they fight it’s always very loud and my dad sometimes hits my mom and my mom take her anger out of me. They both probably have anger issues and my mom used to hit me since I was 5-6, She always compares me with my cousin :/ she talks about how perfect she is or how she is better in school than me. Sometimes I have suicidal thoughts bc of her, idk the reason but she really hates me, but when they do smth bad like fighting or hitting me or my brother they sometimes do smth good after that like take us to McDonald’s. They think after they bought us smth we will forget everything :/ (thank you for reading and I’m really sorry for my english)

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,
    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now. It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.
    Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
    If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
    We hope to hear from you soon.
    Be safe and stay strong,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    My mom makes me want to stop existing. Whenever she's on the wrong and I call her out for it, she'd go on mocking me, ignoring me and gaslighting me to other people. She would not talk to me but would complain to my dad that I'm disrespecting her when I don't talk to her as well (when in fact, she always tells my siblings bad things about me and call me names and tell them she never wants to interact with me in any way.) I've always felt like my mom disliked me. There are days when I just would like to **** myself in front of her so she'd realize how much emotional torture she's put me through. I just hope that in my next life, if it does exist, I grow up with a loving mother who would never put me through this much pain. It just hurts to think that she can disrespect me all she wants but when I make unintentional mistakes, it's automatically taken against her and I'm the awful daughter for knowing better than her. I'm so tired. Every day, I wish it gets better because every night I'm so tempted to just get rid of myself so she can finally stop breaking me apart. She's the very reason why I don't want kids. However, as much as I would like to die and just disappear from this world, I try to live for my siblings, grandma and my dad. They're the only people who could (somehow) ease the pain of living with an emotionally abusive mother. I hate feeling this way.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,
    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now. It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.
    Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
    If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
    We hope to hear from you soon.
    Be safe and stay strong,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I feel like I'm bad at being the daughter my mom wants me to be. She yells at me for everything and lets my stepdad beat on me and my little brother. Sometimes I wish to die in my sleep, or just kill myself. I feel like crying but never know why I'm crying. I write about how my life is stupid. My mom just cares about herself and not her kids. But want me to listen to her, but how can I listen to her when she doesn't show me any respect for anything. Ever since we moved away from my family she's been rude, and I can't take it anymore. one day she will find me in my room dead.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline, we are always here to listen and help out in any way that we can. It is unfortunate to hear that you are being bullied at school and are having a tough time getting along with your mother. We are sorry to hear this, for these things can be tough to deal with at a young age.

    What your mom seems to be saying to you sounds very hurtful. It is important to recognize that if you are receiving threats from your mother, then it might be considered a form of abuse. If you recognize this as a form of abuse, then you have the right to file an abuse report through www.childhelp.org.

    You are very brave for sharing your story with us, and perhaps it would be beneficial to share with someone in your life. Another option would be to reach out to a trustworthy school counselor or teacher to talk about these issues going on at school and at home. School personnel are great resources and are often easy to talk to. In addition, you could consider talking to your mother about your feelings by describing the situations you are experiencing at school. Maybe your mother could better understand your feelings and you could both come to a mutual agreement.

    We hope that these suggestions will be helpful to you in your situation. If you would like to role play these conversations, or discuss other options, feel free to reach out to us. You can call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat with us via the chat feature on our website: www.1800runaway.org. Best of luck!

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I dont know what to do. My mom is just so annoying and blames everything on video games. I get bullied at school, and both of it makes me mentally sick so i sometimes become unstable and throw things around. Its been going for a year now, and it gets worse. She threatens me by sayimg stuff like "If i die u will be happy", "Ill probably die because of you". I cant do anything she tried kicking me out, but i am 13 only.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod0
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on with your family. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now. It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.

    Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.

    If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

    We hope to hear from you soon.

    Be safe and stay strong,

    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I honestly can't remember the last time I went a day without contemplating killing myself because of my family. They make me feel like I can't to anything right and they prioritize my grades and how I'll have an influence on their reputation over my mental health. It was my mom that caused me to first start self harming, and I was only 12 at the time. I'm 14 now and I'm pretty sure that I am at the lowest point I've ever been emotionally, mentally, and physically. I can't help but think that the cause of all of this is my family, particularly my parents, though my sisters make me want to die at times as well. I feel so selfish whenever I consider opening up to anyone about this because, in all honesty, I have a really good family life. My parents are in a healthy relationship, we're financially stable, we do get along at least half of the time, and as far as I am aware, I haven't experienced any form of abuse from them. My parents even pay for me to go to therapy, though I don't think that has been helping much. I talked to my mom a little over a year ago about how I thought I had anxiety or ADHD and why, but she just completely brushed it off, telling me I don't have anxiety and all girls my age felt like that, and I couldn't have ADHD because I got good grades. She finally took me to get it checked out many months later, and it was only after my grades started slipping. And yeah, it turned out I have anxiety, depression, and ADHD. My parents also barely let me have any freedom or do anything I want to do, and they'll force me into doing stuff I clearly don't want to do and have breakdowns over. Whenever I tell them I don't think what they're doing is good for me, they say I'm wrong and they're trying to help me. That might seem good to an outsider, but to me it just felt like they were manipulating me and I thought that if they really were trying to help, they would listen to me for once. It gets so frustrating that sometimes I'll come close to killing myself because I don't know how else to get the point across that they're doing a really bad job as parents to me and they just make everything seem worse. One of the only reasons I'm still here is because I feel like if I ended everything, it would make my parents look bad to other people and I don't want to be the reason their lives get messed up because then they'd resent me even after death. I just don't know what to do at this point, I can't handle them anymore and it's so hard being here. I don't know what to do.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod2
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello There,

    Thank you so much for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline, it takes great courage to reach out and we are so glad that you have decided to reach out to us today.

    We understand that you are going through a really difficult time, we want you to know that you are not alone. You do not deserve to be humiliated and to be treated that way. What you have described sounds like it can be abuse, and you do have the right to make an abuse report. One option to consider would be to call Child Help at 1800-422-4453, and they would be able to help you with making a report. You can also always talk to an adult or a school counselor and they would be able to help with making a report. Lastly, you can always call or chat with us and we can help with an abuse report 24/7.

    We know you mentioned thoughts of suicide, and we are so glad you have reached out and are here to share your story and help others who are struggling. Suicide is very serious and there is help out there, please reach out to The National Suicide Prevention Hotline at: 1800-273-8255. Your life is very important, and you are worth living.

    We hope that this information will be helpful to you in your situation. If you have any more questions or would like to explore more options, please give us a call. We are available to you 24/7 by phone or by chat. We wish you the best of luck!
    NRS
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