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My mom makes me want to kill myself

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  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    My mom is the most toxic person i know, she yells at me and slaps me and then 5 minutes later acts as if nothing has happened. I can’t deal with it anymore, all I hear is that “everything is my fault” i don’t wanna cause anymore problems. I think it’d be better if i just ended it. Then she’d be happier, everyone would be, because everything is my fault. I’ve started to believe that, I see myself at someone who is fui hong other people’s life’s now, i isolate myself at home everyday and even my sister hates me. I can’t do this anymore

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod8
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello there –

    Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to reach out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline on our public forum. Hopefully by helping you and giving you support in your crisis, there are many other youth in your situation that can also be helped.

    We do want to say that it must be very hard for you to have to go through all of this. It sounds like a very stressful situation for you at home to the point where your thoughts drift towards completing suicide or hurting yourself. That is a very serious thing to be thinking about. If you are ever close to hurting yourself like you said you can call out to the police for some direct services, they can come by and check up on you and make sure that you are okay. You shouldn't be afraid to tell other people what you are thinking about doing especially if you are thinking about hurting yourself. You are certainly not alone in this and there are many many people that are here to help you. A good resource might be to call the ‘National Suicide Hotline’ for someone to talk about what thoughts you might be thinking at the time. Their number is 800.273.TALK. They also have an online chat service that might be of help to you especially if you don’t feel like calling in (https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/).

    It sounds like you might be trying to find a place to vent about what you are feeling right now or talk about your bright future. It’s hard to talk to just anyone one about what has been going on. Please rest assured that we are completing confidential. So anything that you share with us will stay between us. We don’t ask for any identifying information, unless you want to report any abuse.

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I feel like my mother doesn’t care about anyone but herself and it’s not fair I’m tired of being here I’ll go anywhere I don’t want to be home she makes everything about herself it’s not fair I’m over it She’s put me through to much and still continues to take her anger out on me I feel like one day I’m going to get so mad and just end everything and I really don’t care any more I don’t care if anyone is going to be sad I’m tired of this I want to leave I can’t be here anymore it’s draining it stops me from doing so much with my life I see such a bright future for myself but she’s in the way she’s always there to make me feel bad about myself and it’s not okay that’s not how you treat your kid she never cares about my feelings I’m genuinely don’t caring about hers

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  • ccsmod1
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hey there,

    Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension. It sounds really exhausting to feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells. Running away is a big decision and it can be very stressful to figure out what you want to do.

    Your mom's actions are unacceptable and you do not deserve to be abused. You are really resilient and we believe you when you say that you are being abused. It sounds like you are interested in reporting the abuse to CPS but have been facing a roadblock to doing so because you do not have access to a phone. Some states offer online abuse reporting. You can find out more about how to report in your state by going to https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report via our chat feature if that’s the route you are considering.

    If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

    We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

    Stay safe,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    My mom has been hitting/degrading me since like 3rd grade. Whenever I don't do something right like pass a test or put the dishes away right when they're done. Multiple times she has woken me up by hitting me. She always compares me to other people like "why aren't you skinny like her, why aren't you pretty like her, why aren't you smart like him". After all these years I'm sick and tired of dealing with this and if it doesn't stop soon I'm either gonna runaway or kill myself. She acts nicer to strangers and her animals than her own daughter. Right now I'm just a 14 year old country kid walking on eggshells so to speak so that I don't upset her. I know most people who are on this site have it worse than me but I'm tired of having to say sorry for things I didn't do and I'm tired of making excuses to my friends why I almost always show up hurt. I also can't call CPS because 1 she broke my phone and we don't have a home phone and 2 no one except my friends and teammates believe me when I tell them about her. What should I do because I'm running out of options.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod7
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there, thanks for reaching out today. It was brave of you to reach out and you so deserve the support you are looking for, nothing more important than your safety. If you are in the U.S., you can always reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org. Or please call 911 if you ever feel like you are in immediate danger. From your message, it is hard to tell if you are located a in the U.S., if you are located outside the states you can find your local hotline on this link: http://www.suicide.org/international...-hotlines.html.

    If you are located in the US, you do have the right to leave home at 18. So you can leave if home is taking too big of a toll on you. If you need local resources in your area or to talk to someone about your plan to move out, please do not hesitate to call or chat us.

    You might also consider talking to someone like a counselor about all that you have been through and your anxiety. How you are feeling know is significant, and there is help out there for you. Again, please call or chat us if you are located in the states and interested in those services: 1-800-RUNAWAY; www.1800runaway.org.

    Please do not hesitate to call or chat us if you are in the US, if you would like to talk more about your situation. We are here for you,

    NRS

  • ccsmod4
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi,
    Thanks for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline.

    It sounds like you are in an emotionally tough situation and may be looking for some options to help cope with everything.
    We understand how difficult situations can become so overwhelming that it’s hard to know which way to turn. It took courage for you to reach out and tell your story.
    You are very brave for doing so. Good for you.
    It sounds like you are going to see a counselor and feel it can be beneficial but you are afraid of mom’s reactions. Seeing a counselor is a good step in learning to cope and plan for the next steps in moving forward. You are doing such a brave thing. Good for you.
    Despite everything you are feeling emotionally yourself you have concern about what you’ve learned about your sister’s feelings. It’s nice that she has an ally in you.
    Sometimes it can be helpful to talk about feelings with people who care about you.
    That’s has not been easy for you nor her. It is a sign of strength to have persevered time and time again. Good for you. Good for you both. Perhaps you might suggest to her to talk with someone as well.

    NRS is here to listen and here to help.
    Having a space to vent and explore options may often bring out a solution previously not thought of.
    NRS would like you to know we are here to support you at this difficult time.

    Let us know how we might help, please contact us at 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) orwww.1800Runaway.org (live chat).


    We can best help by phone or chat. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.

    Take care,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Idk if anyone will reply to this, but I need advice;;

    I'm 18, I suffer with anxiety and I live with my family. My mum and dad still live together but my mum sees another man on the side that my dad (despite not liking it) already is aware of

    The first time I can imagine things turning this sour was when I was abouttt 8? I believe. Then when I was 16 and now again. 16 was the worst.

    I can't exactly tell if my mum is "toxic" or not. But the way she acts and makes me feel is toxic to me.

    She deals with a lot: siblings that looks down on her, my dad who is suffering Parkinson's and my sister and I with our struggles. I can understand that, but the way she acts about it isn't excusable anymore.

    When I was 16, my mum went through a spell with me where she would tear me down verbally, tear my dad and sister down and be very selfish about stuff. Everything was about her. It got so bad that I used to self harm and be suicidal though I was too scared to attempt anything. I was the worst id ever been and I thought it was over. But it feels like it's starting again.

    Recently I've been seeing a counciller at school for my anxiety. However when I mention her, my mum gets offended as if I rub her help in her face. "She's not your mum", "how comes you tell your counciller stuff and not me" even though that's the point of councilling. If I tell her why I'm sad it would cause an argument anyway.

    She always threatens to leave even though she never does and now is using her high blood pressure and Type 2 diabetes as what seems to be a guilt trip device- saying I caused it.

    My little sister is also going down the same path.. and asked me not to tell anyone and I've kept my word but I'm scared she will hit the same rock bottom I have and hurt herself badly. She is the one thing that keeps me sane in my house and I love her to bits; I can't afford losing her but I don't want to break her trust.

    Everytime my mum yells, it's like a trigger in me. I wouldn't call it trauma, but it feels like a deep trigger. And when we argue I get intense cutting urges.

    Cos of my anxiety I don't feel confident enough to go to uni. I would like to draw and do online commissions to get a little bit of money while fixing my physical and emotional health. However if I bring it up it causes arguments. Hell- I don't even have a bank account yet because she never let me and still won't now my counciller offered to help. Its simple to everyone else but idk what I'm doing. I'm too anxious to leave home and be independent. I've been carried through life and have no idea how to deal with it now as an adult. I'm too scared to go out and try things alone. And I can't leave home yet cos I have no idea how to live alone. I'm stuck.

    I don't beleive I can or will kill myself but this is driving me insane and I need help. But I'm too scared to get help incase it comes back to her. God forbid she knew how I felt about her in my head. I'm paranoid now that she'll somehow find this.

    But sometimes she acts normally like a MUM. and other times there's this monster. And the monster is coming back more and more often. And as much as I hate how she makes me feel, I still understand she has a nice, loving side to her. Which conflicts my feelings and my belief of what's really going on.

    I need advice...

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    We are so sorry to hear you are in so much pain right now. You have a right to express your feelings and we are here for you. It sounds like your mom is essentially stealing from you by taking your student loan money. You also mention your mom physically and mentally abusing you. That is absolutely unacceptable and you don't deserve anything like that. You have the right to be independent and deserve a safe and nourishing environment as you complete your studies at University.

    It concerns us when you talk about killing yourself. Suicide is an extremely serious thing to consider. We encourage you to reach out for help with these thoughts and feelings, perhaps with a school counselor or therapist. Another great resource is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org). They specialize in talking to people undergoing suicidal thoughts. You might also consider talking to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) at 1-800-950-NAMI or text NAMI to 741741. Of course, you can also call us anytime at 1-800-RUNAWAY. Please do consider talking this through. It's important that you can express yourself freely.

    Since you are 19 you actually would not be considered a runaway in most US states, which means you could leave home without permission at any time. While that is an option for you we also realize that there may be financial and practical difficulties in doing so. Perhaps when you call us we can discuss more of what your options are. You definitely have more options than you may even have thought of. We really want to discuss these with you!

    You can also chat with us online via www.1800runaway.org. We are here 24/7 and are totally confidential and we never tell anyone what to do or judge them. We are on your side and we might even be able to provide you with legal resources to deal with the student loan theft as well as possible transitional living programs that help people your age get on their feet. Please know there is a way out of what you are experiencing and feeling right now: a way out that leads to a greater sense of who you are and what you can accomplish in your life.

    Please be safe. We hope to hear from you soon!

    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I’m 19 and I hate my mum so much. If she died today I wouldn’t care. I’m in University, she took all my student loan money and she won’t let me live in student accommodation. For years I have put up with her physical and mental abuse. I have only two options: kill myself or run away. I have no where to run to though.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod0
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,
    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now. It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.
    We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way by your mother and her boyfriend. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. They can tell you more about how CPS could respond to your situation. If you ever need assistance calling out to CPS to make an abuse or neglect report please call is at 1-800-RUNAWAY.
    Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
    If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
    We hope to hear from you soon.
    Be safe and stay strong,
    NRS

    We hope this response was helpful! We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    For 15 years I’ve tried to have a relationship with my mom, I am 18 in 2 days and will have been with her for 2 years. I regret moving 3 hours away from my family but I just wanted her love. I do everything for her and even got a job to help provide even though her boyfriend makes more money than both of us, however I also clean, take care of my younger brother and our pets, while being in high school. Every day I get yelled at by both my mom and her boyfriend because I don’t do good enough to make them proud ( bonus is that I have done everything I could so that I could get into NHS but even then I wasn’t good enough). Her boyfriend is known to have anger issues and was a boxer/ gang member and lashes out at me at simple laundry being slightly wrinkled when she is at work or running errands. He scares me and makes me fear that he will end up hitting me one day if I do something terribly wrong. Every night my boyfriend has to convince me that I am not worthless and to not commit suicide but how am I supposed to feel when my own mother treats me like dirt. I also feel like my own mother is choosing her boyfriend over her own child. I just want to feel like I made her proud and that I deserve to be loved.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod2
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello There,
    Thank you so much for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and we are so glad you did.
    It can be frustrating to not feel trusted by your parents, we want you to know that your life is valuable. Suicide is a permanent decision to a temporary situation. If you are ever feeling suicidal or need someone to talk to there is always someone willing to talk. You can contact The National Suicide Prevention Line at: 1800-273-8255. Another option to consider is speaking to a school counselor about what is going on.
    Also you mentioned having thoughts of wanting to runaway we are not legal experts but we do have some information on the laws. If you were to leave home without permission your legal guardian could file a runaway report. If the police were to find you they most likely would bring you home.
    We hope that this information will be helpful to you in your situation. If you have any other questions or would like to explore more options please give us a call. We are here 24/7 to listen and to provide support. Best of luck!
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I am young, I think, I could tell that my mother loves me, and I a love her too, but sometimes my mother and my dad, they made me wants to kill myself, they do not trust me, I can't share my day with them just like my friends, I do not know what to do, but I told my mom that I want to kill myself and she was like I don't care. I want to run away from them, hide away from them, is there anyone wants to join me? if you want to, replay me! ( my English is not good, I am still learning)

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod4
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi,
    Thanks for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline.

    It sounds like you are in a tough situation and may be looking for some options to help cope with everything.
    We understand how difficult it must have been to speak about what you have been feeling.
    You are very brave for doing so. Good for you. Perhaps you consider talking with your father about how you feel about the situation and if there is a possibility of you staying with him. If that’s what you want. You don’t deserve to have her yell at you and call you names. It’s not your fault that she does these things.
    NRS would like you to know we are here to support you at this difficult time.
    Let us know how we might help, please contact us at 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) orwww.1800Runaway.org (live chat).

    NRS is here to listen and here to help.
    Having a space to vent and explore options may often bring out a solution previously not thought of. We can best help by phone or chat. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.

    If you feel at risk or experiencing suicidal thoughts we urge you to contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at: 1-800-273-8255

    Take care,
    NRS
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