My mom makes me want to kill myself

[ccsmod4]

Reply: Hello so this is my first time writing


Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS).

We understand it takes great strength to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing about what’s going on.
We are sorry that things are not going well between you and your mom. It seems like it has been emotionally tough for you. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now. It sounds like you’re having some thoughts about hurting yourself or possibly running away.

Your safety and well-being is important.
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.


Sometimes when communication breaks down with someone you are close to you making it difficult to know just where to turn. You did well reaching out today. We would like you to know NRS is here to listen and here to help. Running away may seem like something you might want to do but it’s a good thing that you are reaching out to express your feelings. Good job.
Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of.

This may feel like an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Let us know how we might help.Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

We hope to hear from you soon.

Be safe and stay strong,
NRS

[Guest]

My mom makes me want to kill myself. She is always yelling at me at the top of her lungs for flushing paper towel down the toilet, mixing meat and dairy dishes, not cleaning things enough, and even threatens to take away my computer and schoolwork if I don't clean. I feel depressed and hopeless. When I was younger, I had to clean the house a lot because she constantly compared me to my brother who never cleaned things enough and threw his things in a corner. When I'm around my mother, I feel like I'm never good enough and consider ending my life every day. I don't want to eat anymore and I just make myself eat. I hate living with my mother, she makes me feel so afraid when she yells at me. One second, she's screaming at me for using her silverware to eat something, the next minute she's praising me for being organized with my schoolwork and says, "Thank you for stirring my soup" or "Do you want to go to Israel?" I feel like she is very inconsistent with her moods and behavior so I don't trust her. I feel like I have to get straight A's to please her. When I was younger, she got so excited when I got the "perfect homework award" and signed my brother and I up for math tutoring to raise our grades. She is so obsessed with grades and work. When I didn't wash dishes, she screamed, "You didn't wash the dishes!" I hate living with her and wish I were dead. I constantly am afraid of her. I have fought with her before and sometimes she leaves a scrape on my arm after we argue. She tells me she didn't hurt me. I hate myself and I hate my life. I try to listen to therapy sessions online, but sometimes I can't take living with her anymore and want to end my life. I've been through so much abuse I don't know what to do about it. I feel bad for her because she's divorced and tells me if I leave, "I guess (she will) I'll just live alone." I want to major in creative writing but she tells me it's not a practical career and I won't make a living to support myself. I work really hard in school and that's all she seems to care about. She's always worried about me and takes me to doctors but no one seems to help me feel better. My dad is messed up too, I think he has bipolar disorder. His mother was verbally abusive and told him he needed to "lose weight." She would buy me clothes and presents when I was younger, but now I realize she is a narcissist. One time, we went swimming together, and she told me, "I don't think we swam enough for this (to eat dinner and desert at a restaurant.) I struggle with my body image because of her and want to die. I try not to talk to my dad, except for sending him short text messages. I live with my mother and feel like I have to make her feel happy because I think she is depressed. I am depressed too as a result of suffering emotional abuse my entire life. I had an eating disorder and think this happened because of childhood trauma, the abuse I suffered as a kid. I try to speak to my mother, but she either guilt-trips me into doing things, screams at the top of her lungs when I do something wrong, or overpraises me for doing things right like being organized and getting good grades. Im a perfectionist and so is my mother. Im afraid of failure and being rejected. I try to set limits with my mother but she makes me feel bad when I do. I try to praise her to make her feel better and she just says "ok." I think she has OCD about certain things, like dishes and countertops being clean. She holds me back from fulfilling my dreams. I don't want to live anymore but I force myself to get up each day and do homework and exercise.

[ccsmod3]

Hi there,

Thank you so much for reaching out to us at NRS. It sounds like you are feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by living so long with your mom’s abuse and unpredictable behavior. It’s never okay for a parent to physically or emotionally harm their child, and you do not deserve to be treated this way.

The most important thing is your safety. If you feel that you’re in danger of following through with your suicidal thoughts or your mom threatens you physically, please call 911 right away. You also have the right to report the abuse you’ve experienced any time by calling the police, telling a teacher or school worker, or calling NRS. We can take an abuse report 24/7 at 1-800-786-2929. Child Help is another great resource who can help walk you through the different steps and possible consequences of reporting. They are also 24/7 at 1-800-422-4453.
Have you ever told anyone about how you’ve been feeling, or how your mom has been treating you? Like a teacher, school counselor, friend or another family member you trust? It’s great that you’re knowledgeable about mental illness and listen to therapy recordings, but it’s also really important to have someone you can talk to and get things off your chest. You deserve help and treatment for how you’ve been feeling. One resource to start with would be the National Alliance on Mental Illness. You can call them at 1-800-950-NAMI or text NAMI to 741741.

It takes a lot of strength to reach out for help, and even just to recognize that what’s been going on at home for you is not okay. We are here for you any time if you want to talk.
Stay strong,

NRS

[Guest]

Hi, I am 14 years old. I have been dealing with Verbal and Physical abuse since I was ten years old. My mother would constantly shout at me and hit me, even when I didn’t do anything wrong. One time I was in the kitchen eating a bag of chips, suddenly when a chip fell. My dog came over to eat it as she looked over. She was so pissed at me she shoved the table into my stomach. She told me I was a worthless piece of trash and said she wished I was never born. Every time I come home from school, I feel exhausted. She kicks and punches me in the stomach and face. My siblings hide under the bed sometimes, just because of how scared they were. My brother and sister are my only friends at this point. They even tried to stand up for me once. But, being my mother, she favors my siblings over me, she told them to go to their room so they could go shopping later. Without me. My mother always takes her anger out on me when she’s stressed telling me it’s my fault. I don’t know what to do, I have been doing self harm and have considered committing suicide. I told my mom one time I wanted to be a professional volleyball player. She told me I was too useless for any kind of job and said I couldn’t succeed even in a simple part time job. I wish I was never born, what do I even do at this point?

[ccsmod10]

Hi there,

Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to reach out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. It’s great that you were able to find out some information about our hotline. Hopefully we can help.

Your safety and well-being is important. You are not to blame for what she did. We’re glad to hear that your siblings are a source of support for you. You’re always able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options as far as transferring custody. We also have legal aid resources in our database. While we’re not law experts, we can try to find one in your area, there may be legal ways for you to be able to move away from your family. We’re here to try to brainstorm options with you.

Hurting yourself does not have to be your only option. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.

If you feel like getting out of the house is the best option and you decide to run away, we can explain what usually happens. We’re not legal experts, but from our general knowledge, running away is not illegal. If you runaway, your dad can make a runaway report. The police don't always actively look for you, if they come across you, then they usually bring you home. If you explain to them that home isn't a safe place to be, they don't always return you right away. They're supposed to investigate it first. If you need somewhere to stay, we can also look for runaway shelters in your area as well.

We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. You are always welcome to call into our 24/7 crisis center, or use our chatting services via our website. However, the chatting service is not open 24/7. So the best way to tell us everything would be to just call into our hotline and talk to one of our trained liners.

Be safe, NRS

[Guest]

I’m 11 and my Mam keeps shouting at me and saying ‘god forbid but I will kill you’ I don’t know what to do it’s like she hates me and just can’t stand me. And I have 2 siblings one of them is 6 and every time she hits me or scrapes me my mam blames the whole thing on me and my other sibling is 13 and it’s easy to tell that he’s the favorite because my mam is always saying that he never causes any trouble and that me and my sister should cop on and grow up. One day me and my dad went out for the day and when I got home I saw that my brother got a sim for his phone and got a new lego set and my sister got new paints and glitters. I don’t know what to do

[ccsmod15]

Hello,
Thank you for reaching out to NRS our online forum service. Reaching out when you are in a tough situation is a brave thing to do. It sounds like you are having trouble at home with your relationship with your mom and you deserve to live somewhere you feel safe, happy, and loved.
You mentioned that you don’t know what to do to help your situation. You can try to let your mom know how her actions make you feel by writing her a letter. At NRS, we can also set up a conference call between you and your mom. You would set the ground rules (no interrupting, yelling, etc.) and we would make sure these are followed throughout the entirety of the call. If you ever have thoughts of hurting yourself, The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a great resource to talk out these feelings, and are available at 1 (800) 273-8255. Your life has infinite value and things will get better. There is hope.
We wish you the best of luck with everything. Please do not hesitate to call our hotline at 1 (800) 786-2929, we would be happy to lend a listening ear.

[Guest]

I probably can't compare to everyone else my life isn't as bad as theirs, but, my mom controls my life, she makes me do stuff I don't want to do like sports and stuff, and whatever I want to do I can't. One day I got very angry and I argued with her, and she told me to do what she tells me to do or get out of the house. She even planned out my whole life she said that I HAVE to become a doctor and make lots of money. Whatever goes wrong in my life she blames my hobbies, my eyesight gets worse, so she says its all because I watch TV, even though there are other reasons. I sometimes feel like just ending right now and starting over to lead my own life, she also always compares me to other people, why can't you be as smart as her or why can't you be as strong as him, then when I tell her about them like, he does things that he likes or she watches TV pretty much all day, she says I don't care about others, then why did you compare me in the first place. One day we were shopping and I wanted to get a pair of shorts that were 40 percent off, the original price was about 36 dollars, she asked me what the final price would be, when I couldn't figure it out she started saying that I'm stupid and dumb. I just want to be in charge of my own life.

[ccsmod10]

Hi there,

Thank you so much for reaching out. It can be really hard to share what you're going through and you are very brave to do so. Just because what you are dealing with is less "severe" than what others may be going through, does not invalidate your feelings of frustration. It can be really hard to live up to parents' expectations, and you are not lesser for not meeting them perfectly. You are your own person, with your own talents and interests and you deserve to pursue them on your own terms. You deserve to be able to decide what you want to do with your future. It can be really hard not having agency, and it is important that you feel supported, even if that support won't come from your mother. It sounds like your mother belittles you, and you deserve to know that you are not stupid, you are not dumb, and that what your mother is saying to you is not fair.

We can help you figure out options for finding support and even look up different resources for you. We are available 24/7 at 1800RUNAWAY and we are completely confidential. Please reach out to us at any time.

[Guest]

I want to die. I’ve wanted to ever since I can remember. My parents stopped hitting me as I gotten older, but I still feel like I’m rotting in a prison.
I’m not allowed to go outside. I always have to be picked up and can’t walk outside or leave home. I’m under constant control and hate it. It makes me crazy that I’m trapped like this. I’m trying to get my freedom, but it fails miserably.
I can’t live like this. Being trapped here and being told I’ll be trapped here all my life. I might as well be dead.
They always tell me terrible things. That I suck and I can’t do anything right. I’m useless and worthless. I’m the mess up. Everyday and every hour I hear the same things.
I’m getting closer and closer to killing myself every year. If not, then closer to running away. I can’t do this anymore. Help.

[ccsmod4]

Reply: I want to die.

Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS).

It took a lot of courage for you to reach out. We appreciate you sharing your situation, it must have been pretty tough on you emotionally to do so. Well done.
It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed and or thinking about harming yourself. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
For depression or suicidal thoughts you might consider contacting the National Suicide and Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

Again you do not deserve to be abused physically, emotionally etc.
It is not your fault that this is happening. You cannot control what others choose to do.

To report any abusive treatment there is Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone trustworthy as far as transferring custody.

Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We are limited as to how we can help in this type of forum.

If you would like to talk more in detail please call 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) or chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in.

Be safe,
NRS

[Guest]

It’s ok my mom makes me want to kill myself too she yells at me all the time and says she loves me so she has to but I asked her would you help me find some leggings for school and she came to the basement to look for some since all my pants were downstairs being washed she helped then yelled at me and said she should have never had kids all they do is make problems I’m crying now idk what to do

[ccsmod10]

Hi there,

Thanks for reaching out to NRS!

We are always here to listen and here to help in any way that we can.

It sounds like you’ve been feeling down and hurt because of how your moms been lashing out towards you. You are not alone and you’re being very strong! If you ever want to try to talk to your mom about how you’ve been feeling, we offer conference calling services between youth and parents. We're here if you need our help calling and talking about ways for you to feel more supported. You do deserve all the opportunities for happiness.

We’re here if you’d like to talk more about your situation. Our safeline is open 24/7. We also have a chatting service via our website, unfortunately, it is not always open. The best way to contact us would be to call in and talk with our trained liners.

Be well, NRS

[Guest]

Hello. I am currently fourteen years old, and I don’t know if I’m going to make it to eighteen. My mom and I have always had a really rocky relationship, but ever since I’d say, around last year, things have just plummeted downhill. She’s become extremely verbally abusive, cold and very distant to me. There have been occasions where she’s told me she doesn’t care about me, and that I’m basically worthless to her. She tells me she wishes I was dead and that she wants to beat me up. She says I drive her insane, and in most cases I don’t do anything to her. One Wednesday, she told me I had to vacuum Sunday, I replied with a simple okay, and she started telling me she was going to ******** me up. My mom is very selfish, and she always has been. She mostly only cares about how my actions reflect her appearance and comes off as very narcissistic. I have asked her on multiple occasions why she treats me the way she does, she never can answer me. There has never been any physical abuse, but she is mentally draining. She has no trust in me, and is always doubting everything I say. Just last night she came home and started screaming at me because I didn’t feed my cat weasel as soon as I got home and my gym bag was on the floor, when I told her to leave me alone she just mocked me and started saying how ungrateful I am. She also told me she was going to beat the ******** out of me last night. My grandma has confronted her about it, because almost everyday, she takes her anger out on me. If she has a bad at work, she makes sure I have a bad day too. If her back hurts, she will scream and scream at me, for absolutely no reason. I am my mom’s emotional punching bag. Her boyfriend does nothing for the situation either. They are getting married in October, which is a bad situation for me, because my mom is not afraid to abuse me in front of him, and he does nothing. Just last night I was crying on the phone to my grandma asking what I’ve done to deserve this, my grandma confronted my mom, and my mom called her “f-ing retarded.” My mom has a history of depression and other mental illness and my grandma suspects she is off her meds. It’s gotten to the point I do not want to come home anymore because my mom treats me like worthless garbage. I have confronted her many many times and she never has any reply. I have always done good in school, never ditched, and I’ve never gotten anything below an a or b in my classes. I’m very respectful and I have amazing manners but I can never please my mom. I just feel so worthless. At one point in time she even called the school to make sure I was there, I was called to office and went back to class crying because my mom made me seem like a liar in front of all my teachers and the office staff. I don’t know if I’ll ever talk to my mom again if I make it to 18. I have asked other kids my age if their parents do or say some of things mine does, they all look at me like I’m crazy and explain how their parents get mad but would never treat them like this. Many people have worse situations than I do, but I cannot be my mom’s punching bag. I am so tired of being told no one cares about me, im
ungrateful and worthless, and that I should die. She has to stop taking her anger out on me before I kill myself, I would rather die than hear my mom tell me she wishes I was dead one more time. Please help me. I am not saying I’m going to kill my self, but my moms
behavior makes me extremely depressed and anxious. I do not know what to do anymore.

[ccsmod10]

Hey there,

Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a bit about your situation.

We want you to know that your safety is so very important to us and your life has worth. It sounds like you are thinking about ending your life. It takes a lot of strength to reach out for help, and we are so glad that you did. If you feel this is an emergency you could consider calling 911 for emergency assistance. You do not have to face this alone, and there is so much help out there for you. If you are thinking about hurting yourself, the National Suicide Hotline could be a good resource for you. You can check them out atwww.youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
It sounds like your parents does not treat you very well. You never deserve to be talked down to or brought down. It’s completely understandable that the way that your mom treats you has effected your mental health. We offer a conference calling service, between youth and their parents. If you ever wanted our help talking to your mom about how you're being treated at home, we're always here to make that call with you.

If you feel like getting out of the house is the best option and you decide to run away, we can explain what usually happens. We’re not legal experts, but from our general knowledge, running away is not illegal. If you runaway, your mom can make a runaway report. The police don't always actively look for you, if they come across you, then they usually bring you home. We offer to call out to youth’s local police, with youth, to find out their protocols. We can also look for runaway shelters in your area, that way you have a safe place to stay at.

We hope our response is helpful. We’re here to try to brainstorm options with you. Also, talking to school counselors and teachers about what’s going on at home could provide you with great support. You are not alone in this. You are always welcome to call into our 24/7 crisis center if you'd like to talk more about your situation.

Be safe, NRS

[Guest]

I am a 15-year-old girl and my mom hates me. She always did. She prefers my brother. Shes always comparing me to him. She's been abusing me since I was little. Today she was very mad. She got pissed at me for no reason. She slapped me, punched me, threw a shoe at me, hit my head with a broom, I have bruises on my leg and back. She never liked me. she called me a **********, ungrateful, she said that no one would ever like me, she told me that I could die. I'm used to it but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. I am so insecure because of her. I always have a fake smile on, I have fake laughs, fake everything. No one would realize what's going on at my house. I'm so scared, I hate it here.

[ccsmod15]

If you have contacted NRS today through another means (for example, live chat, email or bulletin) for the same issue, it would be helpful to let us know that you have already contacted us. NRS understands it takes courage to reach out for help; therefore, we would like to minimize the need for you to repeat your situation and avoid offering you duplicate services.
Best of luck,
NRS

[Guest]

I’m so lost right about now. I have been struggling with ptsd after repeating sexual assault for a long time. My mother knows and we are getting me help. But for about a year now she has been verbally abusing me. And I’m not sure what to do. Just about 20 minutes ago I swallowed a handful of random pills. And nothing happened and it seems my only other option is to run away. My friend recommends a shelter but in Stockton, CA (where I live) it isn’t safe to wander the streets at night. I have no idea what to do. I almost wanna just kill myself and not have to deal with it. Or I could run away. But I’m just not sure what to do. Please help

[ccsmod2]

Hello There,
Thanks for reaching out to NRS, we know that it takes courage to share your story, and we are glad you came here to share your story with us. Sounds like you have gone through a difficult time, and we are sorry that you have had to go through all that. It is great that you are getting help for your PTSD. Another option that may help you is calling Victims against Violence there number is Hotline 315) 366-5000. They provide counseling and support for victims of sexual assault. You should not have to listen to your mother verbally abusing you, any type of abuse is not acceptable. Swallowing a handful of pills is not safe and because your safety is our top concern we recommend calling your nearest hospital. Also if you feel suicidal it would be great to call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Shelters are good options of places to stay, some shelters offer transportation. You could look up homelessshelterdirectory.org, and you would be able to find shelters in your area. Another great option would be to talk to a school counselor or family member about your feelings, and they may be able to provide support for you.
We hope this information helped you and we wish you the best of luck in your situation. We are here 24/7 so if you have any other questions feel free to call us or chat with us.

[Guest]

I am a 15-year-old girl and my mom hates me. She always did. She prefers my brother. Shes always comparing me to him. She's been abusing me since I was little. Today she was very mad. She got pissed at me for no reason. She slapped me, punched me, threw a shoe at me, hit my head with a broom, I have bruises on my leg and back. She never liked me. she called me a **********, ungrateful, she said that no one would ever like me, she told me that I could die. I'm used to it but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. I am so insecure because of her. I always have a fake smile on, I have fake laughs, fake everything. No one would realize what's going on at my house. I'm so scared, I hate it here.

[ccsmod7]

Hello –

Thank you for contacting us here at the National Runaway Safeline. We understand that it takes great courage to reach out. We are sorry to hear about the way you have been treated. It sounds horrible to receive that type of treatment from someone that you care about. It sounds like the mistreatment at home is becoming difficult to deal with. It seems that you do not receive the support that you probably should at home.

Depending on what you are looking for, a great resource for you could be the National Child Abuse Hotline. You can reach them at 1-800-422-4453. You can call them anonymously to learn about the abuse reporting process, or directly report abuse to this line. They are a good resource for talking through your options if there is verbal/mental abuse going on with your mother.

Additionally, if you are feeling like things at home are getting even more difficult to deal with on your own, another mental health resource is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. It sounds like things at home are starting to wear on you mentally and this could be a good way to talk things out.

We hope the information provided helps. Remember we are available 24/7 and can be toll-free reached at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We are confidential, anonymous, and non-direct. We can also be reached via live chat between 4:30pm and 11:30pm CST.

Best Wishes

~NRS

[Guest]

I have been dealing with really bad mental health issues and I don’t know how to handle it and the situation I’m in doesn’t help it my mom is a crazy drunk and she does everything in her power to see that I’m miserable I just want to go live with my grandfather and in 14 so I could if she would let me but he doesn’t have the money to pay for a lawyer and she’s not just gonna hand me over. I feel so worthless and eveybody days it’s going to get better but I don’t think it will. I have told her how bad I want to kill myself because of her and she disregards it to every degree. Idk what to do I can’t call CPS on her because she is still my mom but at the same time I have never felt less love and effection for her than I do right now.

[ccsmod1]

Hi there,

thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. We're really sorry to hear about what you've been facing and want you to know that you deserve to feel safe and happy in your home. Your life is valuable and there are people that want to support you and listen. If you ever feel like killing yourself and need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to reach out to National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. They are 24/7 to listen.

It's understandable that you would not want to call CPS on your mom and that would be a hard decision to make, but at the same time you also want to feel safe at home. Do you have any adults in your life, like your grandfather or school counselor, that can advocate for you and talk through your options with you? If you're unsure, you can always give us a call at 1-800-786-2929 and we can help you identify adults in your life that you can turn to, help mediate a conversation between you and mom so you could safely share your concerns, or talk more about custody and the possibility of living with someone else. Let us know how we can best help,

NRS