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My mom makes me want to kill myself

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  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Suicide has always been a subconscious thought that i never considered doing, but i don’t think I can take it anymore. I have three siblings and I was probably the only child to stand up to my mom’s crap ever since I was young (which is probably why she hates me sm). My dad was probably the best father to ever exist on planet earth. He’s been married to my mom for over 20 years and he told me and my siblings the only reason he stayed with her all this time is because nobody else would ( she is bipolar and she has ocd). When my siblings and I were young, my mom used to violently abuse us, and we grew up thinking this crap was normal, until teachers became suspicious. My dad used to take us to hotels until she cooled down, and he used to stop giving her the money he made when she abused us until she treated us better ( she is a stay at home mom). A while ago, my dad used to make a relatively good amount of money, and if my dad couldn’t afford to give her money, she would have a nervous breakdown, screaming and breaking things, pouring her anger on me and my siblings. Now we can barely afford our house and grocery items while my mom has a closet of designer clothes that she never wears. I’m about to start high school at a new public school( I used to go to private school) and my mom is obsessed with getting me to lose weight. my mom is afraid of old age, and she hates that I confront her about it. She wears and steals my clothes and she loves to hangout with my friends. She’s been trying to lose weight and she wants me to too. I’m not obese, but I’m not skinny, and I used to be confident about my body. I’m maybe 15 pounds overweight and I have maybe an inch or two of belly fat, but I was always confident about my body until now. I used to cry when I mom abused me years ago, but now she verbally tears me down, making me wants to develo an eating disorder. For the past two weeks, she’s been waking me up at 7 in the morning, making me work out for half an hour. Yesterday, I got stung by a bee by stepping on it. I’m allergic to bees, so my foot became so swollen, I couldn’t put any type of weight on it without my foot hurting. She still forced me to run on the treadmill the next morning, and i started to sob as I was running in pain. She then began to bully me, telling me to fix myself, I’m a mess, I’m a fat 14 year old, I should just be normal, and wear normal clothes, telling me I’m a loser who will make no friends at my new school, that she would kill herself if she were me. She’s been doing hat for days, and i stopped eating as much as I’m supposed to, making me really weak and I’m unable to excercise. I’ve been keeping it strong for years and I ahve a greatness future ahead of me, I’m going to a vocational school that will take me to an amazing Pre-Med. college program, and I already set up my future to become a surgeon, but the minute my mom talks crap to be my future becomes so unclear, and today I just thought about ending it all, maybe that will end all the pain she’s been causing me. My dad is supporting me, and he loves me more than he loves himself because I’m mature and I’ve alwtas thought about my future. He was the only reason that I’m alive right now, and he’s the most loving father on earth. I’ve stayed strong for so long, and i don’t think I can handle this for the next four years. Becoming a surgeon requires years of hard work and dedication, and I can’t handle my mom having this sudden need for me to become a super model with no acne and no belly fat. My grades dropped dramatically at the end of eighth grade and my teachers even asked if I was okay( I had over a 4.0 gpa). When I got one b+, because I was so depressed, my mom started to scream at me for being lazy. I’ve always had my dad by my side, but today I’ve never felt more alone. If my dad ( god forbid) passes away before high school ends, I will have no one and I can’t imagine a future without him. I can’t take her bullying anymore, she verbally makes me feel so insecure about myself , I sob in front of the mirrior everyday. I have 4 long length mirrior in my room, and when I finally had the strength to tell her I love myself the way i am am, she laughed and said maybe my room needs more mirriors, because I’m the ugliest teen she had ever met. My dad has kept me strong all this time, but four more years of HS seems so long, I don’t think I can handle this anymore.

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  • ccsmod2
    commented on Guest's reply
    Thank you for reaching out to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand that it takes courage to seek help. We are very sorry to hear that your mom has been abusing you. Abuse is never okay and you don't deserve to be treated that way. You have the right to report the abuse. If you feel as though you are in immediate danger, we encourage you to call the police. You could also contact Child Help (1-800-422-4453) to explore your options and get information on how to transfer custody. You mentioned that your mom makes you want to kill yourself. Although you are going through a tough time right now, you are not alone. Your life matters ! Talking to someone about how you feel could help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) is a great resource for support. If you have any questions or just want to talk, please feel free to contact us directly via our 24 hour crisis hotline (1-800-786-2929), email, or live chat.

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    My mom makes me want to kill myself every single day of my life she hits me 24/7 she's always yelling at me she always finds a way to make me feel like I'm worthless she's always cursing at me she grabs me slaps me she throw stuff at me that I want to kill myself and I'm only 11 years old

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  • ccsmod2
    commented on Guest's reply
    Thank you for reaching out to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand that it takes courage to seek help. We are very sorry to hear about the way your family has been treating you. Abuse is never okay and you don't deserve to be hit or called names. You have the right to report the abuse. You could contact CPS, or Child Help (1-800-422-4453) to explore your options and get information on how to transfer custody. It sounds like you have been harming yourself by cutting and you are thinking about suicide. Although you are going through a tough time right now, you are not alone. Your life matters ! If you feel as though you are a threat to yourself, we encourage you to contact 911. Talking to someone about what you have gone through could help. The National Suicide Hotline (1-800-273-8255) is a great resource for support. There is also an amazing website to help people that engaged in self injury (twloha.com) To Write Love on Her arms. You are so brave and strong, if you need additional resources or just want to talk please contact us directly via our 24 hour crisis hotline (1-800-786-2929), email, or live chat.

    Please be safe !

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hey l am 13 years old well my mom always calling me names like stupid, ugly, ******* **********. Stuff like that she's always hittinh me and when my brother hits me and doesn't cares when my brother's are like it was better without you and l wad like mom she was like what there right. Like that hurts my feelings that my mother doesn't cares about me she found out once l started cutting myself well l started calling myself often so one day l my brother saw my hand and he was like was that l was like nothing so l guess he knew so he told my mom she was like let me see and she was like you crazy ********** lma call the police on you and this and that so today is june 28 so she also found out that l was kissing with this other boy in a video well she saw it in my old phone that she has and she send it to my grandma so l open it and she was like you see this is what this ******** does she better get prepare when l see her she gonna kill me and like she treats me so bad that one day l tried to kill myself because of her i just csn live like this anymore l really want to die i don't know what to do l feel like taking my life like cutting myself really deep or drink some pills like l really need someones help.
    Last edited by ccsmod2; 06-29-2018, 01:28 AM.

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  • ccsmod10
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hey there,

    Thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are in a difficult situation, and we understand it takes courage to reach out for help. The National Runaway Safeline is located in the United States of America (USA). Our knowledge of helpful community based resources and our understanding of youth in crisis related laws is limited to the USA. If you are located in a country outside of the USA, you can use this link to find a youth helpline in or around your country: https://www.childhelplineinternation...pline-network/.

    We hope that by reaching out to a local resource, you are able to get the support you need from an organization that understands the laws and circumstances that affect youth in your country.

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    My parents act like children. They always want to be right so when they are wrong and I point it out they are like « you’re being so disrespectful » and they can just never listen to my side of an argument or my point of view if it disagrees with theirs; they are always ready to shout and say how unfair and disrespectful I am being when I know I’m not. For example today I overslept and ended up going to school really really late. I have never overslept in my life before but I took a medication last night which makes you drowsy. So I overslept and when I woke up my phone was on 2% and I had no missed calls from any of my family members so I quickly called the school to explain my absence. When I got to school my phone was dead and I had already missed 2 periods, so I went to the head of sixth form and explained what happened and asked if she could let my parents know. Usually if you oversleep you get an hours detention on a Friday afternoon but she realised it wasn’t really my fault and excused me. I couldn’t get a charger until about 2 so I charged my phone and as soon as it turns on I get a call from my dad. I explain the situation to him and apologise and then he proceeds to say that I always make excuses for everything and that I can never do anything right and I say that this is not fair as I have never once been late to school on my own accord as I always get to school at least an hour early, so why is it that this one time I’m late suddenly i can’t do anything right when it’s clearly a one time thing? He then tries to find other reasons to blame me for the situation. He said I should have taken the medication in the morning when it was my mum he told me to take it at night instead. Then he said I should have called but my phone was dead and I asked the teacher to let him know what happened, she just didn’t get to it before he called. Then he said that I should have used my friends phone but I wasn’t with any of my friends during the day. After explaining all of this he just remained silent and then told me to call my mum. I don’t understand why he couldn’t have just said « Sorry, it was clearly a mistake. Make sure it doesn’t happen again. » he NEVER apologises, even when he’s wrong. Then I called my mum and she immediately began to reprimand me even though I was trying to explain, so I said it was unfair of her and my dad to assume that I’m making excuses when they haven’t heard my full explanation and also when this has never happened before. Then she says « is it me you’re talking to like that? Is it me you’re talking over? I didn’t know you could be so disrespectful to your parents, don’t you know that we aren’t your age level, you should respect us we aren’t your friends. » So I gave up trying to explain myself. This is how they always respond to things even when it isn’t my fault. And then they get angry with me when I get upset or don’t tell them things: they always say that my mum should be my best friend. Yet when my school told them I was suicidal they said that people who commit suicide go straight to hell and that I would burn there if I tried, and that I’m just a melodramatic kid and that I have no real problems or reasons to be stressed. I’m 17, preparing for university and I have immense pressure put on me by them and I’m also struggling with depression and the death of my aunt. I don’t know why they always belittle me and idk what more they want from me. I want to get away so badly, they make me feel physically sick. I just can’t take any more of this.

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  • ccsmod1
    replied
    Hi there,

    Thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline.

    We want you to know that your life is valuable and that there are people that want to listen and help. If you need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. They are there 24/7 to support. If there is physical and emotional abuse happening in your home, you have the right to report it. You can reach out to Child Help at 1-800-422-4453 to ask about your rights as a minor and ask about what it might look like for you before and after a report is made. We can also be reached at 1-800-786-2929 if you want to go through either of these options with someone.

    We're here to listen. Here to help.

    NRS

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    sometime i wanna kill myself when she slapped me and shout at me

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod1
    replied
    Hi there,

    Thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. We are here 24/7 to listen and to support.

    We're sorry to hear about what you have been facing for so long and want you to know that you deserve to feel safe and happy wherever you live. It would be so hard to hear those types of things your entire life and not feel depressed or feel lost. We're glad that you have friends that are there for you, but we can understand how you might take on their pain and how that would just make things harder on you. You sound like a very compassionate and thoughtful person.

    Are there any other people in your life, like other family members or adults at school like a counselor or mentor, that you feel that you can turn to during this time? If you want someone to talk to about your depression and how to get counseling services, you can reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or suicidepreventionlifeline.org. They are always there to listen and help you sort through your feelings. At 18, you would also be able to leave your home and not be considered a runaway. If you give us a call at 1-800-786-2929 we could look up Transitional Living Programs (TLP's) in your area. TLP's offer things like housing, employment aid, and counseling services to young adults that don't have the resources to live on their own just yet. Don't hesitate to give us a call if that is something you would be interested in.

    If you give us a call, we could also walk through other options that you might have to start a better life for yourself. We want you to know that your life is valuable and that you deserve happiness. Let us know how we can best help.

    NRS

    Leave a comment:


  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Im 18 years old and i been depressed since i was 10years old after my grandma died. My mom was never there..however when she was she would just complain about everything. when i do things she asks me to she still gets mad and says " why do I have to do all the work around here?! Your such a useless ungrateful child!get out of my sight".
    i do so much for her to the point where I stress myself out.She makes me feel like i cant do anything right and im scared to get help because I feel trapped..like im in a room by myself with heavy chains all over me. Each chain ring made by fear,regret,loneliness and hurtful words my mom says.
    Im about to graduate and i feel like im not ready.
    i feel like im going to fail at life. I been told so many cruel things i cant even believe anyone when they give me a compliment. I have issues trusting people because all my life i have only been told the worse part of life.
    when me and my mom get into fights..i feel a empty inside.it hurts to know she doesnt think im grateful for what she does..heck even my own father and brother mistreat me..matter of fact everyone does..
    my fathers family hates me because im my moms daughter and they hate my mom
    My moms family hates me because i was my grandmas favorite..she spoke her last words to me..
    as for my brother he hurts me both physically and mentally
    He tells me he never wanted a sister that he wishes i didnt exist..well brother i wish that to
    he always tells me how much he likes to cause me pain. He always goes for my pressure points mainly were the bone joints are the ones that hurt on a "just kill me" level.
    everyday both mom and brother tell me im ugly and fat how i will never find love and how i will never escape them.
    Maybe they are right...maybe i should just get use go dragging chains around..i just wish their could have been someone to save me from this.
    i dont deserve to be crying every night slowly running out of tears or be afraid to let anyone get close..all i have ever wanted was
    love
    Happiness
    Loyalty
    i do everything to make her and everyone else happy throwing away my happiness,but i just end up getting hurt in the process...yet its ok because my happiness has never seemed to matter to anyone.
    all my other friends are depressed like me ,but they tell me im the reason y they are still alive
    but what they dont know is that i get stabbed with a double edge sword when they tell me about their problems ( i dont really get stabbed)
    i take their unhappiness upon my own and in exchange i make them forget about the reason they were in pain or thats what they tell me .
    im such an emotional reck
    People are scared of me
    they say i belong in a mental hospital
    Or that i should go get physical help...i have tried and there is nothing they can do for me..all they can do is make me into a mindless zombie
    i have given up on trying to feel loved or be happy because it was a childish dream..its something i will never get to experience

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod4
    replied
    Reply: I know exactly how you feel.

    Hello,

    Thank you for your response to another user’s post. Often forums are a place of support and understanding for many youth.
    It often may be validating and helpful for users to read similar situations as well as exchange feedback to one another. For anyone experiencing any difficulties or challenges, the National Runaway Safeline encourages youth to reach out to our 24/7 crisis support line either by phone or chat for immediate services.


    We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing your story.
    It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.


    Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. Your feelings matter.
    If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.

    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

    Please be safe and reach out soon by phone or chat so that we may help.

    Take care,
    NRS


    Leave a comment:


  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I know exactly how you feel. I'm constantly sad and depressed. I live only with my mother. My father died when I was 2 and my current father doesn't even want to live with my mother and I, but he demands that we treat him like a king when he visits once in a while. They are still married, but my father barely ever comes over to visit. He used to come visit every Saturday, and now, if he doesn't feel like it, he comes every other Saturday. He acts like he is the best thing that has ever happened to us, but he just makes me mad. However, my mother is the main issue. I always feel like maybe she loves and cares about me, but then again all the nasty and evil things that come out of her mouth convince me otherwise.

    I don't even know where to begin. Ever since I can remember, I've been dealing with verbal and physical abuse from my mother. I know that she has gone through a lot- her husband died when her child was 2! But sometimes I just can't deal with her. She certainly spends money on me like she cares about me- for example, I dance, I used to go to a private school, I do tutoring, I play volleyball. This has led me to think that my mother cares about me, but I can't help replaying her hateful comments in my head. I am a freshman in high school and I don't know how much longer I can deal with this. I am going to an IB school, which is very advanced, and everyday I come home stressed and tired from school. My mother sees me walk in the house, and I can tell that she wishes I wasn't there. Sometimes I wish she wasn't there, so I could just live in peace. I usually set 25 minutes to nap, but it is never enough, so when I reset my alarm for 15 more minutes, she hits me and slaps me to try to get me out of bed. I am much taller than my mother, however I don't hit back, let alone defend myself because she is my mother, and I don't think that I should touch her. A few times she has yanked my hair and punched my back hard enough for me to push her back so she doesn't hurt me any further. But when this happens, because I am stronger than her, she usually backs up into things, and gets a bruise. Then I feel incredibly guilty and depressed for a long time. I have pushed her only three times compared to the hundreds of times she has hurt me. I have severe anxiety and moderate depression and once or twice I have tried to tell her about how it hurts me to have anxiety. She always makes fun of me and tells me that I am lying and overexagerating.

    It really depresses me to see that there is nothing left in life that makes me want to live. My school doesn't make me happy, my family doesn't make me happy, and all my close friends are slowly drifting away from me. I feel like a terrible person, I don't even know if I am nice or not anymore. I try to be as nice as possible, and as far as I know I don't have any enemies at school. I used to be a Christian, but I feel like I can't even feel God here anymore. I am even starting to doubt that He was ever even here. When I was a Christian, I used to warn others of this kind of doubt, but now I feel it, and it hurts so much. I don't even have anything to live for. All the material things in life may entice me sometimes, but late at night in bed, crying myself to sleep, I realize that there is nothing left in this world that makes me happy.
    Last edited by ccsmod10; 05-10-2018, 08:01 PM.

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  • ccsmod5
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi, thank you for reaching out to National Runaway Safeline! We’re glad that you’re reaching out for help, this first step can be a little scary sometimes. We’re sorry to hear the way your mom treats you, nobody deserves to be treated that way. It must be really draining to always be yelled at and apologize for something that doesn’t seem to be your fault. Since your mom has a history of trashing your room and breaking your things, it seems reasonable for you to ask if she threw out your shoes, and it’s really unfair that she lashed out the way she did. You seem to have a lot of strength and courage to stop yourself from self-harming, it’s great that you’re trying your best to get better and put it behind you. It must be discouraging for your boyfriend to snap at you whenever you state your opinion, and only seem to want to talk to you when you’re happy. You definitely don’t deserve that. You might consider talking to him about how you've been feeling. Maybe he could see it from your point of view. Understandably, you came home from uni to be able to see your other family members, but could it be possible to stay somewhere else while you’re not at school? Possibly another friend or family member’s house to get some space from the negative atmosphere at home? Since you’re 19, and 18 is the age of majority in most states (but double-check what it is in your state!) leaving home to live somewhere else isn’t considered running away. Another option could be family counseling. We understand that this could be a difficult topic to bring up at home, so if you’d like we could set up a conference call with a parent. You could call us, we’d talk about what you’d want to happen because of the conversation and then we’d reach out to a parent. We’d be on the phone with the both of you, acting as a mediator and making sure that the call doesn’t become a yelling match by setting rules beforehand. It’s most important to keep as much of the negativity you can out of your life, so you can focus on getting better, it’s up to you to decide how you want to do that. If you ever want to talk about your situation a little more, please call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY, we’re 24/7 and toll-free. We wish you the best of luck.
    Last edited by ccsmod5; 02-23-2018, 08:51 PM.

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hi, my mum often tells me that I am stupid, always wrong, selfish and worthless. I am now 19, after years of this, which has led to self harm - which I finally stopped when I went to university, it recently has come back, with a vengeance. I feel like I am stepping on eggshells when I speak to her, I could say something funny and suddenly she’ll snap at me, tell me I’m selfish and worthless. I try my best to put it behind me, but it’s the fact it’s my mum that makes it worse. She has trashed my room multiple times, breaking a lot of my stuff, which she promises to replace, but never does. One example of this behaviour was just today, when I asked her if she had thrown out a pair of my shoes because I couldn’t find them, she screamed that I was always wrong and she was always right, so if anyone threw them out it would’ve been me. Obviously that doesn’t even make sense, but I am way too scared, and tired to argue back nowadays. Instead I remove myself from the situation and sit alone in my room. Obviously this just makes me regret coming home from uni, but I want to see my other family too. I always end up apologising, never her, even when I feel like I’ve done nothing wrong. But today, when I went to apologise, instead of calming down like she normally does, she just shouted at me more that I am stupid and selfish to accuse people and that I am a horrible person. This caused me to want to self harm again, I didn’t. The reason I am only talking about this now - after years of self harm or running away, is because I’m having similar troubles in my relationship with my boyfriend. He keeps snapping at me and shouting at me for whenever I have an opinion on something, as if he only actually wants to speak to me when I am really happy, I am not allowed to be annoyed with him. This made me think, is it really me? Am I really a selfish horrible person? I’m not sure anymore, and if I am, I have no idea how I change this.

    Thanks

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