I feel like running away and i feel like my mom hates me.

[Guest]

I've been screamed at constantly about my work and i feel like i'm mental. my mom constantly calls me a retard but says ' so smart when its convenient to her argument. today when she figured out that i hadn't did any work she just did the normal scream fest with me, but it felt different. when i finally got into my room i started stabbing myself with a pencil [not hard enough to draw blood] and i was hitting myself in the head. now i'm thinking about how everyone's lives would be so much better without me, in real life or not. my mom wouldn't have to scream, my sister wouldn't have to be inconvenienced so much, my dad wouldn't have to waste his money on me, and my teachers wouldn't have to deal with a kid who never does his work. it's gotten to the point where my mom is beating me with a belt and making me do wall sits for not doing my work. i feel like i have dug myself into a hole here, and am thinking about running away and dying in the cold and thinking that everyone will be happy again. i feel like no one loves me except for my father, who wastes his money on useless things for me. i feel like nobody will be sad if i'm found in a ditch, and i need to know if this is just. i have been not doing my work for at least five years now. thank you for reading this far, please tell me if what i'm feeling is right.

[ccsmod0]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. You do not deserve to be treated that way. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.
Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS