Can I run away because of mental health issues?

[Guest]

I want to run away. My family is great, I’m not being abused by anyone except myself. I wake up at night screaming silently, with vertigo. I hear voices in my head all the time. I am obsessive-compulsive, have anxiety, and am quite possible bipolar. I live in a tiny town, and I feel caged. Every time I leave, on vacation or something, I never want to come back. The voices stop, the anxiety decreases, but when I come back it all does too. I’ve tried going to my parents, but it’s pointless. They don’t understand, and will never understand why I cut myself, why I stare at the walls because I think they can hear me. I feel so caged, and want to run away so badly. But I can’t. My sister was diagnosed with a terminal form of lung cancer. The most she will ever live to is 40. And that’s a miracle age for her disease. She is constantly being shuffled in and out of hospital, and she is the reason I stay. Maybe it’s stupid, but I feel like if I run away, like I so badly want to do, God will punish me by taking her. Is there a God? I don’t know. But either way, the universe will take her as punishment. I’m going insane. I’m only 13. Please help me.

[ccsmod2]

Hello There,
Thank you for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. It sounds like you are going through an incredibly difficult time. A lot of the issues you have described above seem very difficult to handle alone, and you do not need to handle these issues alone.
One option to consider is talking with your parents about how you are feeling they may be able to help you start counseling or explore some options. We know you mentioned that they do not understand but maybe starting the conversation with that you would like to see what options are out there for you may help. Another option to consider is to talk with a school counselor about what is going on, having an outlet to talk about things can make a difference. Also there are a few resources that may be helpful to you. One resource is NAMI which is the national alliance for mental illnesses agency. They can be reached at 1800-950-NAMI. Another resource that you may find helpful is called SAMHSA which is the substance abuse and mental health services association. They can be reached at 1800-662-4357.
We hope that some of these options will help you in your situation. We want you to know to stay strong, you are not in this alone! If you would like to talk more about your situation or have more questions please give us a call. We are here for you 24/7 to listen and provide support. Best of luck!
NRS