Im confused and overwhelemed with feelings!!!

[Guest]

So heres my situation:
Im considering of going to a safe place. I have no where to get there from my house and my parents(well mom and gay step-dad) wont take me. They think i should just think about my actions! But rele i feel like attacking them with anger! They took my fone away, grounded me and yell and scream! I dont know how to change so they will love me more! Even though they say the love me i dont EVER beleive them. Why should i?

And to put the icing on the top i was abused when i was younger! How do they think i am dealing with the sistuation. I hated my mom when she put my dad, (the person who abused me) In jail?!?! I loved him! I know she was only trying to protect me but i still hate her!

Well if have any advice PLEASE type. I feel like no one understands and my only way out is to not be here any more! i know i would never go suicidal, but its looking a lot better that this is!

[ccsmod1]

Re: Im confused and overwhelemed with feelings!!!

We’re glad that you reached out to us during this difficult time. It sounds like there are a lot of different issues that you’ve been dealing with. We hope we can be of assistance to you. You mentioned several different things.

The first thing you wrote about was going to a safe place. What exactly do you mean by this? Are you talking about a shelter? You mentioned that you have no way to get there from your house and your parents won’t take you. Does this mean that your parents know you want to go to the safe place? If they do know, how did they react to that as an option? There are shelters that a youth can go to sometimes in order to get a break from home. It’s important to note that first, shelters are short-term options. They are generally only available for a certain amount of time and often the goal is to reunite youth with their families. Secondly, in order for a minor to stay at any shelter, the parents usually have to give their consent (or at least be notified about where the youth is). If you don’t already know where shelters are located near you, here are a couple websites that have such resources: http://www.nationalsafeplace.org and http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/fysb/co ... locate.htm . Some shelters do provide transportation, but they don’t generally go to a youth’s home to transport them to the shelter. For the National Safe Place shelters, there are always local businesses that a youth can go to and once there if the shelter is contacted they will provide transportation to the shelter.

You mentioned having a lot of strong feelings. Was there something specific that happened that your parents said you should think about your actions? It seems, from what you wrote that you’re frustrated at their reactions and the consequences. Are there ever times where you feel like they do love you? What do those times look like?

You also wrote about being abused when you were younger. That must have been a really difficult time to go through. No one ever deserves to be abused. It seems that while you do understand that logically your mom was trying to protect you, you still have a difficult time with it because of your feelings for your dad. That’s an incredibly difficult thing to deal with. Have you ever been able to talk to anyone about how you felt about both the abuse and your dad going to jail?

You ended with saying that you feel like no one understands. Do you have anyone in your life that you feel like does support you? Anyone you can turn to when you need someone to talk to? Just so you know, our hotline is always available. We’d be happy to talk to you more in depth about any of this. While we aren’t here to tell you what to do, we’re here to listen to you, encourage you and empower you to find options that you’re comfortable with.

You wrote at the very end of your post that you would never “i know i would never go suicidal, but its looking a lot better that this”. It’s good to hear that suicide is not something you’re considering because it is a very serious and permanent option. If you ever feel like ending your life and want to talk to someone about there, there is a 24 hr hotline, the National Suicide Hotline that can be reached at 1-800-273-TALK.

If there’s anything specific we can help you with via the bulletin boards, let us know. Otherwise, we look forward to hearing from you. In the meantime stay strong! Remember you’re not alone.

[Guest]

Re: Im confused and overwhelemed with feelings!!!

Hi!
Im replying to the first few questions you asked.
My Parents do know that i want to go to a safe place(shelter) And their reactions were that they didnt care if i went but they were NOT taking me. And then last night when i was on this website they made me get off the computor. I told them it was helping me but of course they didnt care!

Some specific things that happened when they said "i should think about my actions" were that when i dont get what i want i blow up. I have a quick temper. Im learing to control it counceling but idk. And im very controllive. My mom doesnt think if at 14 my child abuse can effect my actions. I do think that. And she doesnt give me any more sympathy! She used to when i was younger but not anymore! EVER!

And to the questions about my abuse. Yes i have people to talk to about it. I've been in counceling scince i was 7. I rele like my councelor back then. Her name was molly! I LOVED her. But everyone moves on and she got married and became an at home wife. I do miss her.
Now i have a councelor but sometimes i feel she can never relate to me and just let me vent! She always has to ask questions and get answers.

No i feel like beside my councelor there is NO ONE i can talk to. This is why im trying this. It seems like a good way to solve my problems- or at least help!

And last i know i would never do suicide. But i have considered what would happen if i did. would my mom miss me. How about my sister and stepdad? Or would my reaL dad just get what he wanted by me just being a messed up kid?


Idk i just need help!

[ccsmod7]

Re: Im confused and overwhelemed with feelings!!!

Hello! Thanks so much for contacting us again and telling us more about your situation. It certainly sounds like you are dealing with a lot of different feelings and it’s wonderful that you feel comfortable talking about them in this forum.

You clarified that your parents do know you want to go to a safe place/shelter but it sounds like they are not very excited about the idea. When did the idea of going to a shelter come up? Are there certain things you are hoping the shelter will help you with? Do you feel it’s a situation where you need some time away from home and family? Are there any other options that you have looked into that may help you deal with what’s going on? Sometimes it can be helpful to have a cool off period and give yourself some time to think about things away from the environment you are normally in? Have you spoken with your mom about why you want to go to a shelter and how you think it could be beneficial to your situation? Do you think if she understood your reasoning more she may be more open to the idea?

You mentioned that you were looking on the computer for some shelter information. Were there any resources that you thought might be beneficial in this situation? Have you spoken with anyone at the shelter about your situation? Perhaps it would be helpful to speak with someone at a shelter you may be interested in to see what resources they offer and how they may be able to help. Do you think that would be a possibility?

It sounds like you do have people you can talk with about the abuse that happened, and that you see a counselor on a regular basis. It seems that you like your counselor but sometimes feel that she isn’t relating to you. It also sounds like you are somewhat hurt because you feel your mom doesn’t think that the abuse that happened when you were younger should be affecting you now. Abuse is a very serious thing that no one should ever have to go through and it can affect people long after it happens in ways they don’t always expect. It’s wonderful that you feel you at least have a few people you can confide in about what’s going on in your life, and that you have the courage to discuss such a difficult situation. It sounds like you are a very strong person that unfortunately has had to deal with a lot in your life. Have you brought up the idea of going to a shelter with your counselor? Perhaps she would have some options that may help in the situation or would be able to sit down and explain to your mom and step-dad why you are looking at that as an option.

We are so glad that you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with us. Sometimes it really can just help to vent about the situation you’re dealing with. Remember that you can always call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY if there is anything else you need. If you wanted to look into some other resources, we have an extensive database and would be happy to look up any kind of resources you may be looking for. We are also able to make conference calls and could perhaps help make some calls with you if need be. We are also here to listen and discuss possible options that may help. Please stay safe and remember that we are here for you anytime you may need us, 24 hours a day.

[Guest]

Re: Im confused and overwhelemed with feelings!!!

Thanks for the advice!
But Today i didnt feel so good and i stayed home. Usually when i tell my mom i dont feel good she stil makes me go to school. So i lied and said i woke up late and missed my bus. well someone called and asked how i was feeling. I got busted.

She had to run errands so she called me up and said "If you dont write a DETAILED letter saying how you lied then im taking your tv and door out of your room. Well i told her that i wasnt going to and i took the door off myself and took my tv out of my room.

At this point i dont care what she does to try and make me understand but i am just going to be sarcastic and deal with my consequences with a smile on my face. sooner or later, or when i turn 18 shell leave me alone! Im only 13 but i have been through to much to let her get me! Im done with her.

Its not like she is being abusive or anything like that. I just HATE her! And she took my fone, ipod and camera. Haha and she was the one who bought it! so she can. Its not going to bother me!

She thinks i learn from my consequences! Pshh! She is SO wrong!

Im so ANGRYY!!!

Does she know that im not going to listen to her? does she know i dont care what she does?

well shed hasnt come home yet but when she does she is goiing to have a HUGE fit!

well more help would be accepted!

Love, Lost

[ccsmod7]

Re: Im confused and overwhelemed with feelings!!!

Well it certainly sounds like you have had a tough day. It sounds like you and your mom have not been getting along and as you said you are very angry with her. What do you think is going to happen when your mom gets back home? Is there anyway that you two would be able to talk about the situation without it turning into a huge fight? Was the main reason she was upset was because you didn’t go to school?

It can be difficult dealing with consequences from parents especially if you feel they are not warranted. Have you and your mom ever tried to compromise on what the rules of the house would be and/or what her expectations and consequences are?

It’s good that you felt you could vent about the situation a bit. Do you think you are going to be okay at home tonight? Are there any things you can do that may help you cool off and feel better? Can you call anyone and talk with them about the situation? Remember that you can always give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY 24 hours a day. We are completely confidential and anonymous. Best of luck and we are here if you need us.

[Guest]

Re: Im confused and overwhelemed with feelings!!!

Me again

Yes i've had a very rough day.
the main reason my mom is upset is because i didnt go to school today. Well, other reasons to like, my room isnt clean, or my closet, my laundry isnt done. I wish my mom would look to the good things like having an A+ on two tests this week!

When my mom gets home i think she'll talk normal, then louder, louder, then yelling, then screaming. The usual. Usually when we try and "talk" about it, it ALWAYS turns into a fight!

she still hasnt come home yet, i feel like not being home, and running away. But running away wouldnt do anything! I dont know where to go and i have post traumatic strees disorded somewhat. And idk of any family members or friends that my mom would be comfortable with and my family would think i were crazy and they work night shifts.

And yes, we always try to comprimise. But i never can bring my end of the bargain, yes i know its my fault but idkk.

No there is no one but you guys i can talk to. I tried talking to my sister and she was no help. Yeah, like trying to get advice from a 10 year old would work!

My sister called my mom and asked if she was bringing home food. This is what she had said, "yeah, maybe, but just for you. Not {name}."

wow! Now she wonders why i never talk to her about anything!


I feel like i should just give up on life! I used to be a straight A student. But not anymore. I hate life. I just cant wait for the day i turn 18 and be able to leave this horrinle life of mine!

wHAT SHOULD I DO?!

[ccsmod1]

Re: Im confused and overwhelemed with feelings!!!

Wow. It sounds like you have had quite the tough day. We’re really sorry that you feel so uncomfortable at home. It doesn’t seem fair that your mom is always yelling at you and treating you differently than your siblings. It seems you’ve thought through different options, but you feel like they aren’t ones that work for you.

We’re glad you’ve felt comfortable reaching out to us thus far. It might make the process of sharing information easier on both ends if you were able to call us and talk to someone here directly. Just to remind you, we’re completely confidential and anonymous. This means you don’t have to tell us who you are and even if you did, we wouldn’t tell anyone. We’re not here to tell you what to do, nor can we tell you what to do. If there’s anything specific you need from us (resources, etc) and aren’t able to call, feel free to post again. Otherwise, we’re absolutely here for you when you’re ready and able to call. Our ears are open! Don’t give up, there are people out there that care and want to help.

[Guest]

Re: Im confused and overwhelemed with feelings!!!

Hi its me! .... AGAIN!

Well im at school right now using the computor. I came because this is the only way fer my feelings to come out.

Today all of my friends hate me! Even my bestfriend scince 6th grade! I feel like skipping school and NEVER coming back. Please help! They hate me because imm going to a different highschool then them. Well, my "friend started screaming and being mean so i wrote her a VERY detailed note saying why and how angry i was at her! I was! I said some stuff that i shouldnt have, but everything i said was true! I rele ment all of it and i was just exspressing me. She is such a snob!

And my home life isnt to great either! Man god must hate me a lot! Cos no one deserves to go through this!

My mom took my phone out of my room, my tv, my door, everything!

well if i could call when my parents werent home i would but idk. Whats the number exactly?

[ccsmod1]

Re: Im confused and overwhelemed with feelings!!!

Sorry to hear that school isn't going well today. We're glad you're thinking about calling. If you're able to find time to call, the number is 1-800-RUNAWAY. Someone's here 24/7! Hope the day gets better.

[Guest]

Re: Im confused and overwhelemed with feelings!!!

Hi! My home life is going a lot better! I prayed to god and everything worked out!

I just wish my school life would be like that!'


Thanks for everything! You guys are GREAT! Thanks.

And ill be on from time to time. And ill probably still call.

[ccsmod7]

Re: Im confused and overwhelemed with feelings!!!

Hello! We are so glad to hear that things at home are going so much better, and hope that school is soon to follow. We are certainly here for you anytime you need us. Just remember you can call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY 24 hours a day. Take care.

[Guest]

Re: Im confused and overwhelemed with feelings!!!

i understand you completely!! Im going through a lot of the ssame things. Like you , i would never ever commit suicide but i have considered what it would do to my family,and most importantly my friends. I feel like my friends are the only people in the world that i can talk to. I want to go to a safe place but i dont know were any are. And i dont drive so even if i find one i have no way to get there. Im so afraid that someday my parents will just get tired of me and put me up for adoption or something. Im 12 but im almost 13 and no one wants a 13 year old. I want them to love me but it seems like they never will I need help but i dont know how to ask for it. They buy me things like ipod camera and computer and they even pay $1700 for me to play soccer at a high level. But i think those things are just for when i get in trouble and they need to take something away.

So heres my situation:
Im considering of going to a safe place. I have no where to get there from my house and my parents(well mom and gay step-dad) wont take me. They think i should just think about my actions! But rele i feel like attacking them with anger! They took my fone away, grounded me and yell and scream! I dont know how to change so they will love me more! Even though they say the love me i dont EVER beleive them. Why should i?

And to put the icing on the top i was abused when i was younger! How do they think i am dealing with the sistuation. I hated my mom when she put my dad, (the person who abused me) In jail?!?! I loved him! I know she was only trying to protect me but i still hate her!

Well if have any advice PLEASE type. I feel like no one understands and my only way out is to not be here any more! i know i would never go suicidal, but its looking a lot better that this is!

[ccsmod3]

Re: Im confused and overwhelemed with feelings!!!

Thank you for showing your support on our bulletins. It is great to hear that our posters are able to relate to one another. At the same time, it sounds like have some of your own difficulties at home. It sounds like you have some concerns that your parents will get tired of you and put you up for adoption or something. Do you feel that is likely to happen?

As you may have seen earlier from our postings, we are able to help with resources such as shelter should you need a safe place. However, some shelters do have minimum age requirements, or may take younger youth if referred through child protective services. If you would like to further discuss your own situation, you are welcome to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are confidential and anonymous so you would not have to give any personal information if you did not feel comfortable. You also stated that you would never commit suicide, although you have considered it in the past. If you ever feel that way again, you are welcome to reach out to us through our hotline, or the National Suicide Hotline, 1-800-273-TALK.

Again we would like to thank you for your response and want to let you know that we are here for you as well. Good luck!

-NRS