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Wanna Run Away From an Abusive Family

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  • Wanna Run Away From an Abusive Family

    So I grew up in Pakistan in a family of 5, and since the beginning, I knew we were a dysfunctional one. Starting off with my parents. Throughout my childhood, they would fight a lot, sometimes even got physical. This would go on and off. One moment they would be at each others throats, threatening to divorce each other and the next, they would reconcile and pretend like nothing ever happened. Things would remain peaceful for a while before they would start doing it all over again. Additionally, my mom, otherwise a caring woman, would occasionally get fits of rage, and would beat us severely, to the point of us getting bruised. She would then regret it and cry in her room all day, later saying how much she loved us. This further led me to feel guilty, because I though that something was wrong with me. As for my dad, he would not beat us or abuse us physically as much as he would constantly berate us for not being good enough. Instead of focusing on our achievements, he would often try to focus on our shortcomings and compare us with his friends kids. Like he would literally berate me for not being tall enough, something’s that wasn’t even in my control. Moving on to my brother, we never really got along that well, and would fight a lot like a lot of siblings do. But the common abuse we had to face brought us closer, and we would watch each other’s back whenever things got bad. That changed however, when I was twelve, he started this habit of inappropriately touching me. He mostly did this whenever we got into a fight or argument, in order to exert a sense of power and authority over me. This continued on for two years and even though I tried telling my parents about it, they did not really do anything. As a result, I developed a strong haphephobia, or a fear of being touched, against him. It was so bad that whenever he touched me anywhere, even by accident, I would rich to the bathroom and rub my skin with soap and wash it with really hot water. I even felt uncomfortable sitting next to him. All of this caused me to grow up having depression and anxiety, along with really low self esteem. I didn’t talk to a lot of people, and would spend my time in the library. Furthermore, I even contemplated running away or even commiting suicide countless times. I never made a lot of friends, but the very few ( two to be exact) were really good ones. Then two years ago, in 2017, when we were 15, our parents made the decision to send me and my brother the U.S to enroll at a high school in Hampshire, MA cause that’s where my moms family lived. Our parents couldn’t come along cause my dad had his job back I Pakistan, and they didn’t send our sister, who was five years younger than us cause she was too young to stay away from them. Anyways, I was really excited, it would be a fresh start, away from my parents. No one knew about my past, or my messed up family, I could be whoever I wanted to be. I was gonna make new friends! How wrong I was. Unfortunately, there was only one room available, and that meant my brother and I had to share it. As I have mentioned before, my brother used to sexually abuse me as a kid, and I developed a strong fear of being touched by him and having to share a room with him was very traumatic. Not only did we have to share the same room, but we also had to share the same bed, because there is only one queen sized bed that covers half the space in the room. Every single night, I would cower into a corner and hope he would not roll over to my side of the bed, because if he ever would, I would throw away the clothes I wore to bed the previous nigh and shower for an hour straight under really hot water, cause I felt dirty after having come into contact with him. In addition, all those years of abuse from my parents had really started taking their toll on me. Enduring all that for years and not talking about it and locking it up inside me ha snap emde really depressed, and I often find myself recalling every single act of abuse or neglet done against me through my life. So basically, I was back where I started. Over the past two years, I have not been able to make a single friend here. What’s worse, they all seem to get along well now, my parents don’t fight anymore, nor do they physically or verbally abuse us anymore. So they expect us to forget everything that happened in the past and move on. My brother and sister were able to, somehow, but I could not. I mean I couldn’t just forget years and years of abuse which has messed me up in more than one ways and and pretend like it never happened. As a result, I have now become the outcast in my family, the one who dosent fit in. They all seem to be against me or hate me for being the one causing a rift in the family. This brings me to my current situation, I am currently 17, in junior year of high school, and Am planning to run away and cut all ties with my family. The reason I have opted for such a drastic measure is because I believe that is the only way I can truly start over. I can already see more problems occurring within our family in the future. I am gay and I haven’t come out to my family yet, but if I do, the reaction would most likely not be positive, because being any orientation other than straight is sinful both our religion and culture. I am also looking for it to happen soon, because I can’t put up with living with my brother any longer. It has really affected my grades at school, which I cannot afford to let happen because I really want to get into a good college. Moving away from my family and not ever seeing them again is the only way for me, and I am sure that is what I want. The problem is that I don’t have a job to support myself, nor a place in mind where I could stay. Plus, it just seems like a lot because I am already one quarter into my junior year, and my grades are not that great ( I’m getting all Bs), and I w at to improve them before the year ends, because like I said I really want to get into a good college. Plus, if I do move out, I won’t be able to go to the same school, cause that’s where my brother goes. So, basically, what do I do?

  • #2
    Hello! Thank you so much for reaching out, we want you to know that you are not alone.

    You mentioned that you experienced a lot of abuse in your home when you were younger, and moved to another state away from your parents to attend another school. It sounds like you have a lot going on, and you’re really brave for enduring it all. No person should have to go through the abuse that you endured, whether that be psychical, emotional, verbal, or sexual. You mentioned the abuse has resided since then, but if it were to occur perhaps now or in the near future, an option you may explore is to contact the national child abuse helpline, and talk to someone to see if they can get child protective services involved. They’re completely confidential, and you don’t have to disclose any information you do not want to, their phone number is 1800) 422-4453.

    In the same way, you mentioned you’ve dealt with depression, and developed haphephobia, from the sexual abuse of your brother. Most people in your situation would’ve given up by now, and your determination to keep on going is really inspiring. You may consider the possibility of contacting the Rape abuse incest national network hotline at 1800) 656-4673, and let them know about the hard times that you went through, and how this has impacted you long term. If you just need someone to listen without judgement, the National alliance on mental illness may refer you to a counselor or be a listening ear. You may reach them anytime at 1800) 950-6264.

    You’re super smart because you’re excelling in all your classes despite the circumstances you’ve been dealt with! Unfortunately we aren’t legal experts, but if you decide to run away without your guardian’s approval, your guardian can contact the authorities, and file a runaway report. Whoever you end up staying with, may face some consequences. If you want to know more about runaway laws in your city and state, you may contact your local non-emergency number. . If you at any time feel unsafe, you can text the word safe and your location to 44357. The national safe place will text you a location to go to, and a case worker may come out to assists you. You can give us a call at 1800) 786-2929, and we can discuss further shelters near your area, or transitional living programs that may assist you with your living situation.

    Again, thank you so much for reaching out. We know you’re in a very hard situation, and we’re so proud that you are wanting to seek help. Please feel to reach out to us anytime on chat, or by phone at 1800) 786-2929, and we can call out anywhere on your behalf as well. Best of luck!
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)


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