Contemplating between killing myself and running away

[Unregistered]

Hello- I am sixteen years old, about to be seventeen in September. I am having a terrible time at home. I live with my mom who slaps me, and calls me every bad word she could think of. I have very good grades at school and aspire to be a doctor, but no one in my family sees. My brother who is older than me always makes fun of me and discourages me from doing anything. I want to kill myself or run away. Preferably, I want to run away. What do I do?

[ccsmod10]

Re: Contemplating between killing myself and running away

Hi There!

Thanks for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. It is such a courageous step to take as it is not always easy to ask for help. You are such a strong person for having gone through so much already and sharing it with us.

You mentioned being hit and called bad things by your mother. No one should have to go through that. Home should be a place of love, encouragement, and safety. You definitely deserve to be treated better. An possible option to explore is reporting this experience to child protective services. You are not alone in this. You can always call us to talk more about this option and what this can mean. We can also help support you by making a report on your behalf or alongside you over the phone.

You mentioned considering the option of killing yourself. It sounds like you have great aspiration and are doing amazing in school. Killing yourself is a very permanent solution to something and takes away any opportunity for things to get better. You ever felt like pursuing this option or having any other overwhelming emotions you can always call us or the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1800-273-TALK.

You mentioned considering the option of leaving home. There are somethings to think about to prepare for the future and your safety. This can be thinking about how you will be able to sustain/ provide for yourself and for how long you will be able to so. Another thing is to know where you can stay safe with where you are able to live. If you have place in mind are they willing to provide for you with food and other expenses and stay rent free for how long. We can always try to look into temporary emergency shelters as well by utilizing our database. Putting some thought into what your mother’s reaction will be is something to consider. Being under the age of what is considered to be an adult, typically 18, can mean that your mother can file a runaway report with the police. This is typically in an effort to locate and return you home as the police are required to do so.

If there is anything else you wanted to talk more about. We are always here to listen and help as vest as possible.

Best Wishes.
NRS