What should I do?

[Ashley]

When I was younger up until I was 14 I was physically, mentally, and verbally abused by my mom, my dad, and my sisters dad. My first memory is my dad with a gun to my moms head. It was really bad and they used to lock me in rooms and refuse to feed me if I couldn't think fast enough. I moved into my grandparents house when I was 14 thinking that I had a better life ahead of me but it's really not that great. I try really hard to help out around the house and be productive and stay out of the way but it's not good enough. I work and feed myself and clothe myself and help clean the house and care for the dog but it's not good enough. They always tell me that I ruin everything and I'm making life miserable for them. They tell me to leave a lot too. I want to but I get yelled at whenever I leave my room. And I'm usually not allowed to see friends. I'm locked in my room all day and I try to keep my room clean but it's never clean enough apparently... I really want to escape this really bad. I'm 17 turning 18 in December and I know that's not a long time but I'm dying here. I've been having suicidal thoughts and thinking about hurting myself a lot lately. I really don't feel comfortable living here btbim locked in my room all day, I don't even have an escape to friends. And I really want to graduate high school but I don't think I can with my family always on top of me telling me that I'm failing at even the simplest tasks. I'm pretty sure this qualify as mental/verbal abuse? I don't have anywhere to go but anywhere else but here I would take right now. Again, I'm 17 turning 18 in December.

[ccsmod14]

Re: What should I do?

Hi there,

Thank you so much for reaching out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like things have been really tough for you and you’re reaching out to discuss some sort of options. We’re glad that you shared a bit of your story, we’re here to support you.

It sounds like you have been thinking about suicide or self-harm lately because of everything that you have been going through at home. Here at the National Runaway Safeline, we take this very seriously. We want you to know that you can call us any time to talk and get some support, in addition to the National Suicide Hotline at (800) 273 TALK (8255), where they have trained counselors ready to talk with you any time. There’s another helpful resource for self-harm help, which you can explore here: twloha.com.

It sounds like you have experienced a lot of abuse at home and you were put in a safer place with your grandparents. You do not deserve to be abused in any way, by anybody. Your mom does not deserve this either. It sounds like you are still feeling mentally/verbally abused by your grandparents which has to be tough. We’re not experts here at NRS, so in order to determine what qualifies as abuse in your situation, you could call Child Help USA at (800) 422 4453 for more definite answers, as well as assistance making a report if that is something you want to do.

It has to be hard feeling like you cannot complete or succeed at the simplest tasks at home. It sounds like you are looking for support from friends, too but cannot see them which has to make things more difficult. Other ways you may be able to get some support may be talking with a counselor, whether it’s at school or through another program. We have resources here-if you call or chat with us, we can try to find some local to you. Sometimes it can get easier if you have someone you can talk through things with, whether it be a counselor, friend, NRS, or another unbiased third party.

We’re not here to tell you what to do, we’re just here to help keep you safe in what you decide is best for your situation. If you decide that leaving home before 18 is the best decision for you, you can call us and we can try to find a safe place for you to stay. If you just want to talk further through other possible options, we can do that here at NRS as well.

Do not hesitate to call or chat.

Best,
NRS