I want to leave when I'm 18

[Unregistered]

I want to leave my house when I am 18. I am currently 17 years old.

I don't like my family. Especially my dad. He's always treated my mom badly. Be for he married my mom, he lied about being married to another woman in another country.

When I was very young, he never came to my doctor's appointments. He also didn't pay for them and instead was off with other women. One time, he went to another country with a woman and never came back for days. He used to hold three jobs just so that people wouldn't know what he was doing.

During middle school, he grabbed my shirt, held a fist to my face, and threatened to kill me. I wanted to call the police but my family didn't let me even though my life was threatened.

There was also another time when he was getting nude pictures from another woman online and once my sister found out he tried to blame it on her. He tried to hit her for no reason for something that he did while he was married.

And now, lately I just uttered that I don't mind gay marriage (but I didn't tell him I was bisexual). He told me that gays were killers, disgusting, etc. He also said that he was glad that people killed their sons/daughters for having a different sexual orientation. My mom also defended him and forced me to pray for a week during which she basically called me evil and stuff like that (I don't believe in christianity)

I expected better from her. I thought I would be getting support from her.

During these times I get very depressed, sometimes I have a hard time sleeping because I don't want to be around them anymore. It hurts to be around them. I try to distance myself from them but they keep yelling at me when I just want to be left alone.

What they want is for me to talk to them and be happy, but how can I be happy after everything that has happened? How can people expect me to want to fake a smile again? It hurts to fake a smile.

I also get suicidal thoughts sometimes. Mainly when I try to sleep.

I have also cried when I am by myself and when I am alone with one friend. It's the only time where I can let out my emotions. And when I have to leave my friends, i get tears welling up in my eyes because I don't want to go back to them.

I have no one else to talk to at home. My parents try to twist my words around and think I'm getting bad influences from someone and my siblings are too young and I don't want to involve them in this (and they always tell my parents about everything). I don't want my parents to involve someone who wasn't even the cause of this.

I really do want to leave at 18. But what do I do? I want to apply to an art college, but i am open to alternative options. I have tried to get scholarships but no luck so far.

And how would I get my necessities? Such as a house/apartment, food, etc.? How could I get money now when my parents won't let me get a job?

And even if I manage to do all of this, I'd have to deal with this for 6 months.

Please help me.

[ccsmod9]

Re: I want to leave when I'm 18

Hi there!

Thank for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline! For more immediate assistance, feel free to give us a call at 1 (800) RUNAWAY. Our services are available 24/7 and we’re always here to help.

It sounds like you’re going through a lot. No one deserves a father who threatens them. It sounds like your father’s relationship with most of your family is strained. It seems like you’re having a rough time with your other family members as well. We’re not legal experts, but depending on what state you live in you should have no problem leaving home legally when you turn 18— as long as 18 is above the age of majority for your state. We would be able to give you a more definitive answer about this if you were able to call in.

It looks like you’ve thought about leaving when you turn 18, do you have plans for how you will support yourself if you were to leave? There are some programs out there such as AmeriCorps and the Job Corps that could provide you the opportunity to serve, gain work experience, and receive vouchers for food and living expenses. Here are those links:

http://www.jobcorps.gov/home.aspx

http://www.nationalservice.gov/programs/americorps

If you need help with anything else, or if you want to talk more about your current situation, don’t hesitate to give a call. We’re always here and willing to help.

Best wishes,

The National Runaway Safeline

[Unregistered]

Re: I want to leave when I'm 18

Hi there!

Thank for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline! For more immediate assistance, feel free to give us a call at 1 (800) RUNAWAY. Our services are available 24/7 and we’re always here to help.

It sounds like you’re going through a lot. No one deserves a father who threatens them. It sounds like your father’s relationship with most of your family is strained. It seems like you’re having a rough time with your other family members as well. We’re not legal experts, but depending on what state you live in you should have no problem leaving home legally when you turn 18— as long as 18 is above the age of majority for your state. We would be able to give you a more definitive answer about this if you were able to call in.

It looks like you’ve thought about leaving when you turn 18, do you have plans for how you will support yourself if you were to leave? There are some programs out there such as AmeriCorps and the Job Corps that could provide you the opportunity to serve, gain work experience, and receive vouchers for food and living expenses. Here are those links:

http://www.jobcorps.gov/home.aspx

http://www.nationalservice.gov/programs/americorps

If you need help with anything else, or if you want to talk more about your current situation, don’t hesitate to give a call. We’re always here and willing to help.

Best wishes,

The National Runaway Safeline

Thank you for the reply.

Right now I'm trying to sleep again. But I can't. Today my dad threatened to set the house on fire after I said "hi" to my mom which I assume is apparently not good enough for him.

I have talked in the online chat and got some useful info on what to do to support myself later. But right now I feel scared, depressed, and dad. I spent two hours crying on my bed under the sheets just worried about what will happen the next day. And I keep getting depressed about it. Thinking about something else seems to be helping less and less and I have nobody to talk to because I am alone by myself. All of my family members won't help me too.

Am I allowed to call the police on my dad for threatening to put fire on the house? And for threatening me during middle school (Which I talked about in my first post) because right now I just don't feel comfortable here. I'm just scared and alone with a controlling, abusive, horrible person and I have nobody to turn to.

Please is there anything I can do?!

[ccsmod6]

RE: Re: I want to leave when I'm 18

Hello again,

It seems we were helpful with our previous post, but you're concerned about how to deal with things right now. If you are feeling unsafe, please know that you can reach out to police at any time especially if your physical safety is at risk. Your safety and well-being is important. Abuse or neglect may also be reported to child protective services. To learn more about what is abuse and how reporting can help, please call 1-800-422-4453 or visit www.childhelp.org.

If you would like to talk more about how to stay safe and explore some helpful options, please call or chat with us again.

Be safe and take care,

NRS

[Unregistered]

Re: I want to leave when I'm 18

Hello again,

It seems we were helpful with our previous post, but you're concerned about how to deal with things right now. If you are feeling unsafe, please know that you can reach out to police at any time especially if your physical safety is at risk. Your safety and well-being is important. Abuse or neglect may also be reported to child protective services. To learn more about what is abuse and how reporting can help, please call 1-800-422-4453 or visit www.childhelp.org.

If you would like to talk more about how to stay safe and explore some helpful options, please call or chat with us again.

Be safe and take care,

NRS

Thank you again for the reply. I wasn't able to sleep at all.

On the site under "emotional abuse" the type that I might be dealing with is called "terrorizing". yelling, screaming, and threats of harm or death all fall under this category.

Am I right to consider everything my dad did emotional abuse?

https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/

[ccsmod14]

Re: Re: Re: I want to leave when I'm 18

Thanks for reaching out to us again. It certainly must be difficult to deal with these things happening with your dad at home. We’re not experts here, so as far as what qualifies as abuse and what doesn’t, contacting Child Protective Services of your state may be an option for you at this point. If you would like assistance with this, call us at (800) RUNAWAY and we can make that call out with you. Or, calling to Child Help USA may be an option as well.

Please note that we limit the number of email responses per person. At this time we will not be able to respond via forum any more. For further support, we strongly encourage you to contact us directly at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929), and look forward to your call. Lastly, please note that we offer a live chat via our website at www.1800runaway.org every day.


Best,
NRS

[Unregistered]

Your future

I felt the exact same way you did when I was your age.
College is expensive but there are ways to afford it other than scholarships; work full time and go to school, the financial aid office at whatever school you want to attend should be able to provide direction on the best solution so you can attend their school but you can get student loans (don't be afraid of that idea), join the military-they'll pay for your education, give you a place to live, feed you and pay you (Navy offers the best way to see the world).
You've survived your family so you're strong enough to survive what comes next once you're on your own but never be afraid to ask for help. If you don't get the answer you want, keep trying until you do. Good luck!

[ccsmod6]

Re: Your future

Hi there,

Thank you for posting your insight and support to youth on the National Runaway Safeline forums. You've shared some options that may be helpful to others in developing a plan to pursue long term goals. We appreciate you posting feedback and comments.

Best,

NRS