Autistic Brother makes situation Unbearble

[Guest]

Hi, I'm 18 and I'm thinking about moving out.

problem is, i'm financially dependent on my parents for a lot. I have a car loan for another 4 1/2 years that is around 18,000 dollars in my name. if i were to move out, i would not be able to afford my phone bill, car insurance, rent or car loan as i only make around 300$ a month at my current job. even if i were to leave, i have nowhere to go. i cannot afford it. my parents love me and support me but if i were to move out they would drop all financial support of me, as they have told me multiple times, leaving me with all this debt and no way to live. I've thought about my grandparents but I don't know if i should. The reason im typing all this is because my brother has assbergers and constantly is aggressive and brutally mean. he hit me with a metal bat across my legs just 30 minutes ago. he threatens me, and belittles me all the time. he is 17. ill admit that sometimes i do push his buttons too but he always gets violent first. i love my younger sister and parents and i just dont know what to do here. i also have depression, anxiety and ADHD myself. i see a therapist every 2 weeks and i would lose that. i would probably lose everythign if i moved out. how do i escape whilst becoming financially secure?

[ccsmod2]

Hi there,
Thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are looking for your best option in terms of being financially stable and safe. Know that you deserve happiness and safety where you live. It also sounds like you are doing a lot to take care of yourself and be responsible.

You mentioned your brother’s behavior and how it makes it difficult for you to stay at home. If your parents do not know about the violence that is occurring at home, you may consider telling them that he makes you feel unsafe and think that it may be best to come up with an alternative living arrangement. At the NRS, we offer conference calls where you would reach out to us and we would then reach out to your parents to have a three-way discussion moderated by someone here. Because these calls are moderated, we make sure they are productive and respectful. Callers find that these are helpful in conducting difficult conversations. If you do not feel safe having this conversation or worry that it would not be helpful, you could also consider the different ways you can cope when you anticipate a fight.

Another option you have is to reach out to your grandparents directly. If you feel safe doing so, you could tell them about your situation and how it makes you unsafe at home but you still need assistance before you can fully be on your own.

You also mentioned your mental health. NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Health, 1-800-950-NAMI) is an organization that specializes in helping individuals affected by mental illnesses. While they would have resources for you to help manage your own mental health, they could also discuss with you your brother and ways you could help create a healthier environment for your family. The NAMI website listed a number of links under the autism page, and one of them was the Interactive Autism Network. On the Adults with Autism page (https://www.iancommunity.org/cs/adults), there were a number of resources for those living with and affected by Autism Spectrum Disorder that may relate to you.

Also know that you can always reach out to us at the National Runaway Safeline (1-800-RUNAWAY) as we are toll-free, 24/7, and confidential. In a conversation, we would be able to go into some of the options we discussed here in more depth as well as explore more options specific to your situation.
Stay strong,
NRS