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My dad makes me want to die and my mom doesn't care

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  • My dad makes me want to die and my mom doesn't care

    I'm a 14 year old girl and my entire life I've grown up with my abusive parents, my dad is a raging alcoholic and everytime he gets drunk or mad he turns really abusive, he's pulled knives out on people and he's choked and beat up me, my mom, and my siblings. He sexually assaulted both of my sisters and no one ever told the police, I would but i dont have any evidence and i dont think theyd believe me because it happened over a year ago. My mom is extremely verbally abusive and says extremely hurtful things. My parents are both very very narcissistic, my mom thinks she's the best person in the world and she never does anything wrong and that nobody needs privacy or treats except her, my dad doesn't remember him doing anything bad to anybody no matter what and all he "remembers" is him doing good and protective things for me and my mom and he screams and cusses about him being a "good and loving father" and not an "abusive" one anytime I say something about it. He's been to jail so many times for s huge variety of things and everytime he does my mom bails him out of jail and brings him back to the house and I can't take it anymore, he's the sole cause of my major depression, insecurities, suicidal thoughts, paranoia, anxiety, and stress. Everytime he's gone I feel happier and energetic and I start to love myself and my life but then he comes back home and everything goes back downhill. He absolutely refuses to get a job so my mom is the only source of income and she gets small paychecks, we can barely keep up with the rent, we don't have that much food, and almost everywhere I've lived we have had cockroaches, bed bugs, or lice. He has cheated on my mom and tried to kill her so many times but my mom doesn't care and won't listen to me, she calls me a disrespectful whore everytime I tell her to dump him for good and get rid of him. I've ran away a couple times but i always get sent back home because I instinctively act like everything's okay to the authorities. I've tried to commit suicide so many times Ive lost count and everytime it's usually because of him or school/friend drama. I just want him gone so I can get better and come out of my depression. ive treated to call the cops for child endangerment and I really want to but my parents would probably convince them that I'm just a brat who got mad over something stupid. What am I supposed to do? I just want to be free from this nightmare already and i can't find a safe route to get away from him. Is there any way to get away from him for good?

  • #2
    Hi there,

    Thanks for reaching out to NRS. Sharing your story and asking for help was the right thing to do and it was really brave of you. You have shared a few things that make us concerned for your safety. You deserve to feel safe and protected in your home. Your step dad sounds like he has been making home very dangerous and your mom has not been doing anything to change this.If you feel that you or someone else in your household is in immediate danger you can call 911 for emergency services.

    It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 (www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org) is always available if you need someone to talk to about how you have been feeling. Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Reaching out to a school counselor or another adult that you trust could also be a good outlet for you as well. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.

    It is completely understandable you would be hesitant to make a report. Your safety is important and there are people who want to help. A child abuse report can get a caseworker involved. After making a report, a caseworker will likely start an investigation to decide if it is safe for you there. This can be a scary decision to make and you do not need to make it alone. If you want to know more about the reporting process or you would like to start the report, you can call the national child abuse hotline at 1-800-422-4453 or go to https://www.childhelp.org/hotline/. Additionally we are here by phone and chat 24/7 to listen and help.

    You can call or chat with us anytime to talk more about your situation and explore options. You can contact NRS at 800-786-2929 or use our online chat services at 1800runaway.org.

    -NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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