I'm an emotional mess and I need help.

[Guest]

Hi,

I'm 15 (will turn 16 in a month) years old. I live in India. Let's start from the beginning. Given the how the society around me is, I'd say my parents are pretty liberal. But here's the thing- I identify as non-binary and homosexual. I am out to my parents and they pretend to understand so I don't keep talking about it, but to be honest they really don't get it. Especially the non-binary part. They want me to adjust and behave more like a girl. I'm very uncomfortable with that and there are days when I have extreme dysphoria and I haven't told my parents because they think its a "western influence" and what not. Anyways, my mom (especially) keeps saying thing and they hurt. Like hell. My only source of comfort at the moment is listening to Linkin Park and crying. My dad tries to help but doesn't really do much. Its been going on for almost 3-4 years. Two years ago, I got into self-harm and had suicidal thoughts. There are no more suicidal thoughts, although I do occasionally hurt myself, usually by cutting. I'm an emotional wreck although most people don't know because I've learnt to appear normal to everyone. I'm very closed and choosy about my friends and don't have too many good friends who I'd tell everything to. I've tried talking to school counselors but that hasn't been the least bit helpful. I've honestly run out of options and I'm seriously considering running away. My grandfather gifted me a good amount of money for my IGCSE results which is in my bank account and that could support me for a while. What should I do/


thank you

you can call me Destiny

[ccsmod15]

Hi there,

Thanks for reaching out to us. It's very brave of you to open up about what you're going through. We are sorry you are going through a difficult time with your family. It sounds like they are not really understanding you as deeply as you would like them to. It's got to hurt to have them want you to be something that you are not. You're not alone, though. We're glad to help in whatever way we can.

One thing you should know is that we primarily assist those in the United States, so we aren't really equipped to handle international situations in any sort of depth. But we would like to pass along some information that you might find helpful. First, there is an organization in India that you might want to contact called Child Line. Their website is: https://www.childlineindia.org.in/index.htm. It looks like there also is a 24/7 LGBTQ helpline called the Sahaay Helpline and their number is 1800-2000-113. We can't really vouch for international hotlines, but it looks like those might be promising in providing some support for your situation.

We are very concerned about your mentioning suicidal thoughts and cutting. Please be safe. Reaching out to someone you trust to talk about what you're going through is a good idea. Even if you don't have anyone local, though, there are some great websites that can offer more detailed advice and even some community surrounding these issues. A really good one is https://twloha.com/. Also, here is a website that lists many suicide hotlines in India if you ever feel like talking about that: http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/inte...-hotlines.html. Another great resource is the Trevor Project. It's not based in India, and we aren't sure if you can call them internationally, but their website has a lot of great resources that might help: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/.

Of course, none of this is some magical answer that will make everything better overnight. What you are going through IS tough. Things can get better, but it might take some time. Perhaps your family will begin to take you more seriously over time and provide the support you need. And even if your family doesn't understand, there are others who do. As you continue to grow up you probably will encounter more people that accept you and whom you can feel comfortable with. It might just be a matter of time, patience, courage, opening up to those you feel safe with, and so on. How things are today for you is not going to be how things always are.

Of course, if you are thinking of running away you'd have to consider things like how you would be safe, how this would affect your future, and so on. Probably getting in contact with Child Line might be a good idea and they might know more about runaway laws and what your options are in your country.

We hope this helps. Please be safe!

NRS