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I honestly feel like **** everyday of my life I'm with my Mother

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  • ccsmod6
    Re: I honestly feel like **** everyday of my life I'm with my Mother

    Hi there,

    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like there is an overwhelming amount of stress from the high expectations at home, making it quite difficult to deal with. It seems having a space to talk things out may be helpful for you. We can explore some beneficial options and resources with you. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); (click on the chat button).

    If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

    We hope to hear from you soon.

    Be safe and take care,

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    Guest started a topic I honestly feel like **** everyday of my life I'm with my Mother

    I honestly feel like **** everyday of my life I'm with my Mother

    I get along with almost everyone, my teachers, classmates, even my brother most of the time. Why is it that whenever my mother comes home I always get ****** off? I'm generally a really nice person and rarely get ****** off at anyone, my mother is the only one who ****** me off on a daily basis whenever she is home. I can't stand her. People have their childhood bullies and their mean brothers or sisters. I have my mom. My dad is alright and I respect him but what ticks me off about him is that he backs up my mom all the time without question and doesn't seem to give a **** about anything. Although those are ticks, they don't ****** me off like my mother does.
    So during my elementary school years my mom and dad were never home. I could do what I wanted and I was happy. My grades reflected that as I was an almost straight A (with only a small amount of Bs in both years)student during my 4th and 5th grade years. If you are wondering why I wasnt pretty much a straight A student during the earlier years of elementary school it was because my mother was a typical asian parent and beat me for getting a C. She stopped beating me after 3rd grade and I started doing extremely well in school. (Parents still dont see this correlation to this day). During the summer of 5th grade I was introduced to video games by my brother started playing video games during my free time as it was boring at home because it was very boring during the summer as only a handful of my friends lived near me and they would go places for vacation during the summer unlike my family. When my mom started coming home though she would see my playing on the computer at night because that is when she came home from work which was at 11pm, and start getting ****** about how I play too much video games and it is the only thing I do. (Sure it was the only thing I did at night when she came home because there was nothing to do at that time). She was never home to see me go outside everyday to hang out with friends, because she was never home during those times. So she assumed all I did was play video games all day.
    Come middle school my mom made me start coming with her to the restaurant on the weekends on Friday from right after school to 11pm and on Saturday from 3pm to 11pm and then on Sunday made me hang out with her for most of the afternoon and I quickly realized that we had nothing in common and I really disliked her personality. I absolutely hated going to the restaurant and she knew it and almost every week I would lock myself into the bathroom and not come out until I got scared of my mom kicking down the door. She did this to stop be from playing so much video games but in reality it only made me play more because I would be constantly bored every weekend and come home at nights so I could not hang out with the handful of friends that lived near me. I became depressed, and my grades showed it and I was even failing a couple of classes because I did not want to do homework because after school on Monday-Thursday was the only time I could even have a shred of fun in my life. A whole new low for me. I kept my report cards from my parents until they eventually found out and I got in the biggest trouble I had ever gotten in. I took full responsibility of my grades at the time, but now at 17 I look back and wonder how much different it would be if my mom wasn't trying to "stop me from playing video games" and let me live a normal life as a kid and how different my life would be. Eventually my grades got better from end of 6th grade and on but I was still only a B-C student due to my parents continuing making me go to the restaurant to do nothing for 16 hours on the weekend. My relationship between my parents and I became very strained and I continued to hate my mom more and more as years went on and my respect for her as a person and as a mother to my distraught continued to lessen and lessen. To this day she still thinks that she does everything correctly and is one of the best mothers in the world. She has no idea that I have been depressed for 6 years. The one thing that made me still have a shred for respect for her during my years before I was 13 was that she was hardworking. She came to America with nothing and was able to become an upper middle class citizen with 2 kids and owner of a semi-successful restaurant with my dad. I respected her for that. However after I was 13 I was made so I had to work for them on the weekends instead of doing nothing. They gave me 20 dollars for 16 hours of work of 2 8 hour shifts which would barely cover the cost of my school lunch. So essentially I was working for my lunch at school. However I didn't even care because I knew that they were my family and I should help at least a little bit because they work hard all the time right? Wrong. After I started working I learned that I would get tons of complaints from customers of my mom being rude and dismissive. She would be in denial if she messed up an order as well saying that she did the order so there was no way that it could be wrong. Worst of all, all I saw her doing while I was working was looking at her phone and using her phone. There was an instance where a customer was waiting to place an order for 10 minutes when my mother was at the front desk and she was still looking at her phone while the customer was very confused. I had to step in and take the order, but that wasn't what got me. I learned that day that she wasn't as hardworking as I thought. Either that or I was brought in to work for my lunch money so she could slack off all day. I lost all my respect for her that day because my dad was still working as hard as ever in the kitchen.
    Fast forward to today and every time I hear that loud slam of the door and the loud walking up the stairs of my mother I start dreading the moment. She has days off now and works less than ever so she comes home a lot more while my dad still works at the restaurant. She doesn't even knock like a normal person and I never get any privacy to do what I want. She would slam open my door when she comes home and would ask, I mean order me to do a bunch of **** that I probably had already done and to Get off the computer after playing for 30 minutes and tell me to do random **** to keep my occupied so I don't play on the computer. I'm fine with chores and I agree with every kid having chores as long as it was minor such as washing the dishes or taking out the trash and for bigger chores let there be an incentive such as an allowance or some other kind of prize. At least that's what I think. But my mother is so unreasonable with the chores she gives. She makes me cut the grass at least 2 times a week at the lowest possible length to cut the grass with 3 different lawnmowers(and let me tell you, our yard is huge right now). I honestly feel bad for that grass sometimes... she orders me to vacuum 3 times a week and obviously I eventually would feel like there would be no point in doing the chores because 1. I felt it was a waste of time. And 2. I got nothing out of it, not even a thank you for ******* being your free housekeeper. I've thought about killing myself multiple times now and think about what I have to live for as my mother doesn't support anything I do and I have developed an inferiority complex from my Mother yelling at me every time she comes home and putting me down. I don't even have anyone to talk to either because my brother usually sides with my mom even though he doesn't really like my mom's personality either. My dad doesn't give a ****, and my friends don't know about my home life because I usually try to stay as positive as possible when I'm with them so I can at least keep them happy for as long as possible. My mom still thinks I am happy as well. Am I wrong? I ask myself this everyday because there is obviously something that either I or my parents are doing extremely wrong for me to be this unhappy.
    Last edited by ccsmod6; 07-11-2016, 12:23 AM.
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