Stepdad's bothering me

[Guest]

I was wondering if you could tell me what would happen if I told the school counselor about some stuff my stepdad does to me--private stuff--would he be fired?? My mom would die if my stepdad lost another job. Thanks

[ccsmod3]

Re: Stepdad's bothering me

Thank you for sharing your situation with us at the National Runaway Switchboard. It sounds like you are in a difficult position and you sound very brave. You asked if you tell your school counselor what your step-dad does, if he would be fired. What makes you think he might be fired? You mentioned that your mom would die if he lost another job. Has he been fired before under similar circumstances? We are not in a position to be able to predict for certain what will happen because we are not legal experts. However, we can let you know some common outcomes for when a youth tells a school counselor that someone is doing something inappropriate or harmful to them.

School counselors, teachers, doctors, social workers, and other social service workers are generally all mandated reporters. What this means is that if they suspect some sort of abuse or neglect, then they are required by law to report it to Child Protective Services (CPS). We are also mandated reporters here at NRS. However, because we often times do not get all of our callers information (name of caller, name of perpetrator, address, phone number, etc.) we generally cannot take a report unless the caller wishes to do so. If a report is filed through (CPS), a case may or may not be opened. If a case is opened, then an investigation usually follows. It would be up to CPS to remove a child or youth from the home and that is not always the case. Again, since we are not legal experts, so we cannot determine exactly what will happen, but we hope this information can be of help.

In the meantime, we would like to wish you luck and if you would like to discuss your situation further you are always welcome to contact us at our hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY. Should you want to file a report, we can also take that for you or conference (3-way) with CPS and stay on the line to advocate.

-NRS

[Guest]

Re: Stepdad's bothering me

Thanks for telling me..my stepdad has been fired LOTS of times--but not for this stuff--cause he is a loser and messes up, but he got this job awhile ago and has insurance and stuff and my mom is always talking about how horrible it would be if he gets fired again cause she doesn't get insurance at her job any more and we just got a new car so there bills are too high for my mom's job to cover it. I haven't told nobody about this, it's not been happening all that long and not that bad. I am just afraid that they will arrest him or make him miss work to ask him about this and then he will get fired for missin work.

[ccsmod3]

Re: Stepdad's bothering me

Thanks for continuing to share your situation with us. It sounds like you are quite concerned about your step-dad losing his job. It must be hard for you and your mom to have your step-dad have been through so many jobs. We are not sure exactly what is going on, but it sounds like something is happening to make you feel uncomfortable. Are you currently safe? Earlier it sounded like you were considering telling someone, is that still an option? You haven’t mentioned whether your mom is aware of the situation, but if not, how do you think she would react? As we said earlier, you are welcome to call us anytime at 1-800-RUNAWAY to further discuss things.

Good luck, NRS

[Guest]

Re: Stepdad's bothering me

I was thinking about talking to the school counselor about it--she is pretty nice and I think she wouldn't tell EVERYONE. I don't think I can tell my mom--I just don't think I can say it to her, she really loves my step dad and she is so much happier with him then she was when she was alone. I have never actually told him no so I think I need to at least TRY to handle it without telling the counselor but I just wanted to find out about him getting arrested and stuff before I did. I am just so confused about everything, part of me doesn't want to tell cause I am afraid he will hate me. I am afraid it will ruin my mom's life.

I would call but only have a cell phone and if you have caller id then my parent;s name would show.

[ccsmod3]

Re: Stepdad's bothering me

It sounds like you have thought a lot about your situation. We are still not sure exactly what is going on, but it sounds like you have many concerns right now. You mentioned talking to your school counselor which sounds like a plan and we have already explained how we can help here should you want to file a report, if it does involve abuse or neglect. It sounds like you would call, but are concerned that the names of your parents will show. Our incoming calls are anonymous so we do not see the name attached to the number or the number. Our number is toll-free so you can even call from a payphone. Whatever information you provide will be up to you. Remember you are welcome to call us at anytime at 1-800-RUNAWAY.

-NRS

[Guest]

Re: Stepdad's bothering me

So your saying that if I call you and tell you whats going on that there is NO WAY you can call me back or tell the police or social workerrs who I am or who my parents are or what my phone mnumber is??? NO WAY at all, no matter what I would tell you??? HOW is that possible? WHY wouldn't you get that info since it is so easy to get it and you could "save" a bunch of kids??? Adults always say that you can tell them stuff and that they just want to help..blah...blah...blah but then they tell SOMEONE--your parents, a teacher, the social people...why wouldn't you do that too??

[ccsmod6]

Re: Stepdad's bothering me

Thanks for taking the time to clarify our policy with us. We are a completely anonymous and confidential line. By anonymous we mean that you do not have to give us any identifying information about yourself (name, location, date of birth, etc.) nor are we able to trace calls. By confidential we mean that everything you talk about remains just between you and NRS.

The only exception to this is, like we said earlier, is when we are in a situation that mandates (i.e. forces) us to report abuse or neglect. We are mandated to report abuse and/or neglect to social services when we have the necessary information to make a report (your full name, your location, contact information, perpetrator’s full name, address, etc.). That being said, we rarely get this level of detail in our calls so we generally file reports only when the caller wishes us to do so.

As a heads up, we always try and collect two important pieces of information from our callers—their city/state and age. We ask this to help us understand more about your situation and for statistical purposes. Obtaining this information is not enough for us to be forced to make a report.

So, to directly answer your question, you are right. No matter what you tell us (as long as you aren’t telling us details of abuse and your full name, your exact location, contact information, perpetrators first name, etc.,) we would not and could not make a report without your consent. We may talk with you about the pros and cons of talking with a trusted adult (such as the people you mentioned) or making a report, but we won’t tell you what to do.

Feel free to give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY and we can tell you more about our policies and procedures,

-NRS