My mum is toxic and my dad does nothing about it

[Guest]

My whole life, my mother has been toxic. My father has been strict. They both always threaten to hit my sister and i, but i am unsure if they ever have. Ive tried to impress them both in so many ways, ive changed my self in so many ways, but its never been enough. i dont even know what "be yourself" means anymore. Just a small conversation with my mum can make me break down afterwards. i used to be suicidal and did self-harm, but my friend helped me get over it. I tried telling my parents about it, but they just though i wanted attention. We soon moved to another country, so i would break down often because i missed my friends, but my parents just called me weak and childish. Ive had multiple panic attacks since, and i dont have my friend to help me anymore. Im so scared of my parents. Ive thought of running away since i was six, but not as much as i want to now. my mum always calls us pathetic and stupid, and when we arent hungry we are automatically anorexic. we need to be more social but once we are outside for too long we arent focusing on studying.

Also, my parents argue. a lot. to the point that i cry. then she threatens to slap us for crying. she then proceeds on throwing things on my dad. This happens frequently and has made my self esteem really low. ive been having urges to selfharm again, but im trying not to. not again.

i know my situation isnt that bad but... i want to run away. And if i cant run away, im going to cut contact with everyone once i leave the house.

[ccsmod9]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.
Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS