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I don't know what to do anymore, please help!

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  • I don't know what to do anymore, please help!

    There's a lot going on in my life right now so i'll try to make this as short as possible!
    I am a 17 year old girl. For years my mother and I have not gotten along, years ago we used to argue back and forth but now it is just her taking out all her anger on me.
    She calls me curse words, screams in my face, tells me I'm a pig, monster, that I will never have a job or family, that I'm crazy, lazy, idiot, moron, etc. On a daily basis. Sometimes she says these things while drunk, other times while she is completely sober. She has even told me she wishes she could beat me and run away forever but she has other kids that she really cares about so she cant do that. She's said she wishes she could cut my hands off (because she thought I stole a dollar from her purse). I have 3 little brothers, who she treats very well, but its simply not the case for me, in fact, when se is angry with me, she will force my siblings to pretend I don't exist for the rest of the day (they're not allowed to make eye contact with me or talk to me).
    I also struggle with mental illness; I've had anorexia for about 7 years and I also struggle with depression, anxiety and ocd. Only a few weeks ago I actually attempted suicide and ended up in the hospital for it. Every time I've been hospitalized, or even gone to my therapy, psychiatrist, or doctor appointments, she yells at me. She tells me how much of a burden I am to the entire family, financially and emotionally. She tells me I am just an attention seeker and that I'm faking all my mental illness (which i'm diagnosed with so that is simply not the case. She also calls me a weirdo and a freak and that I am insane and am not in touch with reality. Everyday when I am supposed to take my medication, she screams "time to take your crazy meds" and makes me feel utterly embarrassed, clearly on purpose.
    She is also extremely manipulative, in front of doctors or other professionals, she acts totally different than at home. She is extremely nice and pretends that everything i'm saying about her is a lie, in order to make herself look better I guess. Almost every time, they believe her instead of me! And that is why ii haven't received help yet. She is also manipulative in that every time I have had proof of her verbal abuse (audio recordings, talking to friends or hotlines about it, etc.) She'll go through great length to hide that it ever happened, including wiping all history off of my phone, deleting recordings and even messaging the my friends, threatening them with restraining orders if they were to ever contact me again.
    What put me over the edge was a combination of my suicide attempt a few weeks ago (where she showed no empathy, rather she was full of hatred, and she faked her personality in front of doctors). And tonight, when she told me I should be murdered because i'm so irritating to her, and said that I was faking all my mental illnesses, which is hard to hear because it is obviously something that I have struggled with for years.
    I want to leave and never come back, but no one ever believes me, or they do, until my mom speaks to them and fakes her way into convincing them that she just "loses her temper sometimes". This is everyday, and I don't know how much longer I can take it. How do I get out.
    Thank you.

  • #2
    Re: I don't know what to do anymore, please help!

    Hi there,

    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now. You seemed you have been through a lot the past several years and just want the support and love you feel you deserve. You do not deserve to be called names or put down in any way. If you are ever at risk of any danger or are feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453, may be a helpful resource to turn to if wanting to explore what abuse/neglect report can do to help and how to report any mistreatment in the home.

    You are wondering how you could leave your current situation. We can help explore some possible options with you. Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 is also another helpful crisis service if you are experiencing feelings of depression or suicide.

    If you would like to talk more in detail please call us at 1-800-786-2929 or chat soon through our website (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best and what is best for you. We are here to provide support in any way that we can.

    We hope to hear from you soon.

    Be safe,
    Last edited by ccsmod6; 07-05-2016, 01:35 AM.
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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