Is this abuse or just family problems?

[Unregistered]

I am 17 and about to begin my senior year of highschool. Ever since seventh grade I have suffered from depression and anxiety. I am extremely good at hiding it from people close to me and that just makes it worse because I feel like an outsider because no one actually knows how terrible I feel. In seventh grade when it all started, my math grade slipped and I had trouble with that class in school not only because I am not at all gifted in arithmetic but also because the teacher hates me. He would openly make fun of me and verbally abuse me in class and I often found myself hiding in the bathroom during that class as a result. My parents began to get frustrated because they didn't understand what was going on and thought I was slacking. One day my mom and I got into a nasty argument and she had me wait for my father to get home to deal with me. When he arrived, it was absolute hell. I still have flash backs from the day. He grabbed me by my neck and threw me on the ground and yelled in my ear while I cried. He yelled about how I was the child, beneath him, and he was the parent, basically god to me. Then he picked me up by my neck and drug my to my room as I cried my eyes out. He shoved me in my room and pushed me in every corner and told me I was going to loose everything I have and he wud leave me on the side of the road if I continued to behave as I was. He kept asking if I understood him but I was having an anxiety attack and was crying so I could not breath properly between the gasps and tears and was unable to answer him which pissed him off more and he wud push me down and push me into the floor till I said yes sir. Then he drug me back down the stairs to my mother who only looked on as if she knew I deserved it and I looked at her from between my hair and she yelled and said I was giving her my Satan eye because with my hair in my face she could only see one of my eyes and they were red from crying and my dad was like look at you mother properly and then he grabbed some scissors and cut of the hair that hung in my face off so that I only had and inch of that left. I was locked in my room and I remember all I wanted to do was die, none of it was worth living through anymore. I considered jumping out my second story window to the street below but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I did however find a pocket knife in my room. I ended up cutting myself twice. Ever since then I have planned to some day run away and never look back. Over the years, they have emotionally and physically abused me. I have a sister who I take the blame for so she never is hurt like I am. My dad have strangled me multiple times, to the point I almost lost consciousness, my mom slaps and kicks me. Once she grabbed me and punched me in the face multiple times till blood from my nose covered my face. My dad slapped me bc he thought I was lying but I wasn't and he didn't believe me. I have been thrown off my chair at the dinner table by him. The worst thing is though, I don't want to hurt them by leaving and never talking to them again but I feel it is the only way I can safely and happily live. I lost two very important people who had no idea of my state of being, my home life, but made me forget all the troubles I faced day to day. They moved, and no I'll never see them again. I want to tell them so they can help me but I don't want to be a pitiful wreck. I can't tell anyone. Soon I'll be eighteen and my parents will kick me out as promised. I don't know what I'll do

[ccsmod6]

Re: Is this abuse or just family problems?

Hi there,

Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We’re sorry that you’ve been hurt by your family and feel you may be kicked out soon. Nobody deserves to be hurt. Everyone deserves a loving and supportive home. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We are unable to tell you what to do, but we can help explore some helpful options that may help your situation. If you would like to report any of the mistreatment you’ve gone through we can help or Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 (www.childhelp.org) can help as well. Additionally, if you need a safe place to go to, we can locate shelters nearby. National Safe Place may be another helpful option http://nationalsafeplace.org/.

We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by bulletin to offer assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

If at any time you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

We hope to hear from you soon.

Be safe,
NRS