Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Help

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Help

    hi, i'm a 16 y/o living with my abusive mom and i want to get out but i dont know how to. shes ok half the time, nice and friendly, but my dad died when i was 9 and being a single parent has admittedly been really stressful on her. the issue is that she'll tend to take that anger out on me. she isnt really physically abusive, but yells a lot and its been steadily getting worse the older i get. she's done this for as long as i can remember (when dad died is when it started getting worse), at the point where one of my memories is of me in second grade being scared of her having a big 'blow out' yelling (a yelling that would last for a good hour or more, sometimes a few hours, often at night when im trying to go to bed and involves lots of door slamming and insulting). i know that most parents get upset from time to time, and she does apologize for it afterwards (even though she doesn't do anything to actuatlly stop the behavior), but its hard to describe just how bad how she acts is- when she gets mildly annoyed with someone (even fi its not me) i automatically get a huge huge shot of 'fight or flight' response adrenaline and wind up shakey and scared for the next half hour, and that's if she wasn't even /yelling/, just annoyed. it feels like im walking on eggshells around her, and i mentally tend to plan my actions and what i do around the house around her (not getting to chores because i dont know how to do them and am too scared to ask her what to do, stuffing trash in my desk because im too scared to get up and throw it away because shes near the trash bins, etc). as i also said, she's getting worse, in that it's starting to escalate to threats of physical violence (casually saying that she feels like breaking my phone or laptop, or that she feels like hitting/slapping me, /actually/ trying or moving to slap me and then getting upset that i hit her when i was blocking her out of self defense, etc). she's also done things like drag me by my clothes, physically blocked me from leaving a room, broke a hole in my wall by kicking the door of my room so hard that the doorknob busted through it (while i was in a chair right next to it i might add)(which i have pictures of the spackled area where the hole was), and other things. she's also done smaller things, like told me 'f*** you', that she 'can do whatever she wants and she doesn't have to tell me anything', constantly guilttrips me (and has admitted to it), etc. i've tried to tell her that i'm scared of her, but she tends to dismiss it. it's starting to grate on me and im not sure how much more i can take. im considering telling my aunt and uncle but i dont know how to, and im really scared that if i do and nothing happens, that mom'll be told about it and it will escalate further.

    id like to add that i have proof of at least some of the stuff she's done (her threatening to slap me, saying she can do whatever she wants) through recordings on my phone that i've been taking and uploading to a safe cloud account. however, i dont have much memory of the contents of the audio, as when it comes to the abuse my memory gets incredibly hazy (to which ive taken to writing things down, and the aforementioned recordings), and i cant listen back to them because they cause the same overwhelming panic fight-or-flight response that her yelling does.

    i guess my frustration is that i don't really know what to do. i want to get out but im scared about it coming to nothing and me winding up gettting abused even more because of it, or it getting worse, but i can't take a lot more of this. i dont want to live with her anymore, its exhausting and scary and i'm worried i'm already permanently messed up because of her.

  • #2
    Re: Help

    Hello,

    Thank you so much for reaching out to us. We’re so sorry to hear that you’ve been going through so much with your mom. No one has the right to make you feel unsafe in your home, and it sounds like the way your mom has been behaving has made it really difficult for you to decide how to handle your situation. We can’t tell you what to do, but we will do our best to provide you some options that might help you decide how to approach your situation.

    If you feel that you’d like to report your mom, you have some options for how to do that. One option would be to reach out to an organization like Child Help USA at 1.800.422.4453. They would help you find your local child protective agency so that you can make an abuse report. If you don’t feel comfortable making the report on your own, you can reach out to us by phone at 1.800.RUNAWAY (786.2929). We can talk to you about what you can expect out of making an abuse report and, if you don’t feel comfortable making a report on your own, we can stay on the phone with you as you make the call, or make the call for you if you’d like. It’s important to note that most organizations that assist youth are considered mandated reporters, and that includes us. What that means is that, if you report that you’ve been abused, and you provide identifying information (name/address/telephone number) for yourself and the person that’s been abusive towards you, we have to make a report automatically. You are always welcome to call in regardless of whether you want to report or not. If you do not want to report, just let us know and we will gladly help you explore other options to help you stay safe. It sounds like you’re considering talking to family about what’s been going on, and it’s definitely an option. It’s important for you to know that making a report does not guarantee that things will change at home, and what might happen really depends on where you live and how your local protective services agency handles these situations.

    With everything you described, it sounds like you’ve been reacting to your mom in ways that makes it tough for you to want to do everyday things like throw out the trash at home. If you feel that you need help finding someone to talk to, we can help you find resources in your area. Whatever you decide, please feel free to reach out to us. We’re here to listen and support you in whatever you decide to do. Stay safe.
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Help

      thank you. i do want to report my mom but i'm too scared to do it myself, plus it'd be hard- we only have cellphones because we don't have the money to keep up a landline, and because i'm bad at talking on the phone (it's hard for me to put my thoughts into words while talking) i very rarely if ever use it, so she'd notice right away that i called an odd number. if i give my information in a live chat could someone on your end make the call for me?

      and also, another question- how are things like dirty living environments handled? our house is dirty, stacked wth papers in a lot of places, dishes with mold n stuff in the sink and around it piled up, etc. as well we've had a big mice infestation for a few years now that's taken up our entire basement and made it so we can only go down there to do laundry it's so dirty (plus we're now having issues with fleas). it's mostly because my mom's been busy working and i haven't been able to help until now, but it's kind of bad and when a city worker came by to test our water meter mom started yelling at me that i need to help more because otherwise i could get taken away (she also lied to the city worker, saying i was nearly 18, when i'll only be 17 in august, in an attempt obviously to avoid being written up or something). so i guess my question for that is are dirty living environments handled differently if the family is poor, is there a limit on how bad it can be before it'll be considered in the case, etc?

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Help

        Hello,
        Thank you for using our bulletin service.
        You mentioned that your mom would notice immediately if you used the phone to make a call. One option that you have is to contact us using our chat service. Our Live Chat which is open every day from 4:30p to 11:30p CST. We understand that making an abuse report can be intimidating so if you like we can call together to provide support.
        You wanted to know how situations such as dirty living environments are handed. We cannot say definitively what would happen but it is possible that after an investigation they could order your mother to attend parenting classes. These classes would show her how to maintain a household and what appropriate standards are. We are not sure if the standard changes if the family has low-income. If this is something that you need answers about you can look at https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/ it has definitions about what counts as neglect. If this is still something you want to peruse you can give us a call or chat and we can talk you through making a report. It took a lot of courage to write to us and we want to say thank you. Hopefully we can help you further.
        We want you to know that you do have support and someone willing to listen and help you through. If you feel comfortable you can give us a call and we can talk about your options. 1-800-RUNAWAY
        Best,
        NRS
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment

        Previously entered content was automatically saved. Restore or Discard.
        Auto-Saved
        x
        Insert: Thumbnail Small Medium Large Fullsize Remove  
        x
        or Allowed Filetypes: jpg, jpeg, png, gif
        x
        x
        Working...
        X