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My mother ruined me

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  • My mother ruined me

    I'm a 16 year old, bisexual female, my whole life has been filled with nothing but negativity from my mother and father, every single day I've been insulted, degraded, and neglected. My mother, despite knowing of my severe depression and anxiety, still treats me like garbage and openly insults me and talks about me to my siblings, to the point that my younger brother makes fun of me for having anxiety and depression.

    When I think about my mother finding me dead I'm filled with so much joy it makes me cry, I don't fear death and I don't have any religious beliefs about an afterlife. I don't hold my relationships or future as a reason to live anymore, I don't care if people will miss me, I don't care what happens to anyone or anything anymore. I know I shouldn't feel this way but I do.

    My uncle recently commuted suicide, and at his funeral all I could feel was envy, I wanted that to be me do badly that I didn't even care about my crying, hurt family members. I don't feel human anymore, I want to kill the monster that I am.

    my counselor is transferring, and it's too late to call someone so I'm posting on here.

  • #2
    Hi there,
    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now. It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.
    Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
    If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); (click on the chat button).
    We hope to hear from you soon.
    Be safe and stay strong,
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


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