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My relationship with my parents are taking a toll on me

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  • My relationship with my parents are taking a toll on me

    I decided to write this after another incident with my mother occurred. I'm 13, I live at home with my mother. My parents are split and have been since I was about 5, just that for a little backstory.

    And though I'm not really sure where to start I guess I should start where I noticed the unstable relationship between me and my mother. I started to notice something wrong with our relationship when I entered middle school I was 11 at the time the stress of going to a new school was eating away at me. Not to mention this was a time when I was starting to break away from what my mother wanted. I had always been the "tomboy" but since I was young I'd have to comply with what she wanted. That being putting on dresses, makeup, being the perfect girly girly. The problem arises when I figure out I'm trans. No, I've not come out and you could make the argument I'm too young to even know if I am or not. This was two years ago. As of recently I started to notice more things that have troubled my childhood. And though I've always been a person who is sure nothing in my past has effected me I've learned I'm completely wrong. First off is my mother's constant slandering and agression. A lot of my self esteem issues come from her, I'm always being told I look homeless, gross, that I'm fat. I dont fit her perfect image as her only child, it's gotten to the point that when I try to have a conversation with her she points out stuff like this, like I'll be telling her about something and shell say "you need to lose some weight, no boys like fat pigs." Or something along the lines of that. When we fight I or say something she doesnt like it's always my fault. In fact the reason I decided to write this post about my feelings was because we had just gotten in a fight over going to lunch. I just suggested we walk the 5 minutes to the restaurant instead of taking an uber there, (because I know shell complain about money later, and the $20 spent for a 3 minute drive seemed like way too much.) Then she insisted she didnt want to walk so I suggested just taking our car, and mind you were on vacation. Her car is right outside our room and then she slanders me because I dont feel comfortable driver with a stranger, and I feel its ridiculous to pay that much for a drive. Then comes the slander saying I was a problem from day one, then the hitting. And I've learned not to take anything from her anymore. I was on the bed she came over slapped me so I kicked her. And as a side not I knew my mom had always been a violent person, she most likely has anger issues and I've seen her be violent to my dad over the years. Anyways after that she storms off and I lock myself in the bathroom to have my little crying breakdown as I always do after we fight. Now shes trying to act like nothing happened while also saying that everything is my fault, that I ruined the day. I'm still in the bathroom now, writing this while lying in the bathtub. Theres never an apology for the things that she does she just moves on.

    And that leads me to another occurence that happened last night between my mother, my grandfather, and I. We live with my grandpa who I had an alright relationship with until my mom had turned him on me last night. We had gotten in a fight over something stupid once again and she slapped me because I has slightly raised my voice at her. My first instinct was to push her out of my room since we were in the doorway and shove her out. My room doesnt have a lock though which means I had to use my body to hold the door shut as my mother and grandfather tried prying the door open. Even though I asked them multiple times to leave me alone. I get upset over these things of course and I never know what to do. But that's really only a basic rundown of how my mother treats me, and wether it be a good thing or not I dont believe I love her. I just know that I never had a normal childhood. And the things my parents subject me to is affecting me.
    So I guess that leads to me talking about my dad. I have a better relationship with him then I ever had with my mother but hes quite the money moocher shall I say. When ever I go over to his house, he always asked if I had money. And I recall buying his food a couple of times. See my dad is a man who doesnt work, but is an alcoholic dedicated to drinks. As far as I know hes been a alcoholic all my life. He never does anything for me really and never listens to what I have to say. He throws his clothes in my room at my house all the time and always let's out my dog, who lives there only because my grandpa refuses to have a dog at his house. We told him to not open the garage and he still does. Hes of course not the best person but hes better then my mother.

    Anyways I apologize if this was messy and rushed but I just neended to rant. I'm not sure what to do for another 4 years before I graduate because I'm too scared to ask for help. I figure that maybe this isnt as bad as I make it out to be and everything really is my fault.


  • #2
    Hi
    We are very glad that you found us and have reached out and had a place to put your feelings. We are definitely here to listen and to help.
    It sounds like your situation is very stressful and confusing since the people who were supposed to take care of you are the ones that cause you hurt. The way your mom treats you isn’t fair at all and you don’t deserve to be spoken to that way; and you don’t deserve to be hit and slapped. Looking at the last paragraph you wrote: Thank you for being brave and asking us for help. That is a big step that you can feel proud of. We also want you to know that none of this is your fault. Mom is aggressive and violent; dad is alcoholic – these issues are complex and do effect you in different ways. Realizing that you have been effected and that your feelings are involved is another thing to be proud of. Realizing that something is wrong and reaching out for help are very brave and intelligent things to do. Feeling like things are your fault is one of the effects of what you’re going through – humans can end up internalizing the voices of people who treat us badly and we think that what they say is true – when it is not. Finding ways to strengthen your own sense of self and expressing your feelings in a way that you control is a way to help you manage the next 4 years. Writing, drawing, and other creative outlets will help you do that.
    We are a service for you to talk about your situation and where we can refer you to services that can help. Often that’s based on services in your area, but for today the https://www.glbthotline.org/talkline.html has a chatrooms for trans teens and other youth oriented chat rooms for affirming support.
    We are also here for you to help you find ways to help you feel more in control. We hope that you will consider talking to us either by phone or chat so that we can better support you, help you find resources, and most importantly listen to you and help you because that is what you deserve.
    We are here 24/7 either at our telephone hotline at 1-800-786-2929 (1-800-RUNAWAY) or through live chat at 1800runaway.org Either way that is more comfortable for you to reach out, we will be here for you.
    We hope to hear from you,
    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

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