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Can/Should i call CPS for verbal abuse? Or is this even verbal abuse??

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  • Can/Should i call CPS for verbal abuse? Or is this even verbal abuse??

    Honestly I have no idea what to do at this point. Nearly everyday when I wake up I get yelled at by my dad, when I get home (this is everyday) i get yelled at. Before or after dinner (most days) I get yelled at. At least twice, if not more, a day I get yelled at by my dad or mom. Mostly my dad, he is constantly yelling at me for completely stupid reasons. It usually starts off with my poor grades in school, which I may add are mostly his fault, and then turns into something else. He yells at me for random stuff, like how I look, my friends, my hobbies, what clothes I wear. Ive been told on multiple occasions that I didn't deserve to be born, or I was a "F*** up"

    In public or around other people he acts perfect, and everybody thinks he is. He went to two ivy league schools so everyone thinks he's amazing and knows everything. He constantly holds that over my head. But when he, myself, and my mother are alone he is a completely different person.

    Ive been depressed for 3 years, self harming for all of them. He is a HUGE part of it. I already hate myself, how I look, etc. And he only backs that up. Lately i've been seriously considering suicide. And lately, he has been getting worse. He used to hit me, not badly but a bit. A few days ago he didn't exactly hit me but he grabbed me. Im self harming more than ever, I used to drink and take pills a lot. Just to take my mind off of everything. Sounds bad enough and when you add in the cutting and starving myself its pretty bad. Lately the cutting has been worse and I'm back to drinking, partly because of him.

    He and my mom are fighting worse as well, I, call me a bad person, honestly don't care if they get a divorce. Frankly I want them to, it would give me just another reason to be depressed. But I'm worried that my mom is starting or will starting doing something dumb. When they get in a fight, which normally starts with him fighting with me, she'll just disappear for most of the day. Im really worried.

    I don't want to call CPS, or call/report it to anyone yet. Yet. But its at the point where I don't feel safe anywhere because I feel that if I do anything ill get in trouble for it. I have friends helping me through this, but, I honestly don't know how much they can help.

    So yea, Im 13, and have no clue what to do... I just need help, thanks.

  • #2
    re: Can/Should i call CPS for verbal abuse? Or is this even verbal abuse??

    Hello,

    You seem to be having a tough time with your dad at home, being verbally abusive with you and sometimes even physical. It sounds like his actions are really affecting you to the point that you are using drugs and having thoughts of harming yourself. You shouldn't have to deal with all of that. You're really strong for reaching out for help. It could be helpful to call or chat with the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline when you are feeling like this. They are available via chat on their website or by phone at 1-800-273-8255.

    As far as with identifying what you are going through, we recommend you call Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453. They are a resource for youth who are dealing with abuse. They could try and give you ways to identify what is happening with you and what you can do to stay safe. They may not be able to tell you directly what you should do, but they are a great source of information and planning. Child Help USA does have a website as well if you want to take a look at it. If there is anything else we can help with, feel free to call or chat with us anytime.

    Take care,
    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      My situation is not as bad as the last person who wrote seems, but I am still unsure of what I should do. I have been depressed for 3 years and am finally starting to recover. I thought it was caused mainly by circumstance of my life. For example, I moved 3 times in fourth grade to 3 different states. But lately I have been thinking maybe the reason I have been so depressed for so long is because of my parents more than I originally thought. My parents are both out of work right now. My mom has been out of work for about a year and my dad has been out of work for 3 years. We live with my grandparents on my dad’s side and it can be rough. Recently my dad told me I was a bad person and didn’t deserve to have my drivers license due to a response I made after he made a very racist comment about a person who gave him warm coke a cola. He hadn’t even seen the person. I reacted to this because I was disgusted in his comment. He freaked out. My mom told me she was not and never would be on my side. Which made me feel even worse. I feel like I have been verbally abused at times. And once my dad put me in a choke hold and grabbed my arm hard. This has been a shock to me because I have never paid attention to his behavior like that before. And he has never acted quite like this before. Conditions seem to be getting worse and worse. Long story short, I don’t feel very safe anymore in this house. I don’t want to call a hotline because I’m not sure if I have enough reason to. When I am with my parents, a lot of the time they make me feel like crap. I am an only child and they have always tried to put me in a box. But right now I don’t even feel like they want me to succeed. I’m 16 and I thought I might just have to wait till 18 to be free but I don’t know if I can make a way to leave for myself when I am 18. What if I can’t make enough money before then to survive on my own? Then there is college. But am I just completely overreacting about all of it? Am I actually a bad person? I really don’t think I am but it does not help with my dad drilling it into me. What should I do?

      Comment


      • ccsmod1
        ccsmod1 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hey there,

        Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension - you are not a bad person.
        Running away is a big decision and it can be very stressful to figure out what you want to do.

        You mentioned that your dad has previously choked you and grabbed you. Absolutely no one deserves to be abused. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering. It may also be a good idea to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.

        At the beginning of your post, you sais that you have been depressed for the past 3 years. It can be really hard to live with mental health issues and we want you to know that you aren’t alone in addressing them. If you’d like some additional support, an organization that may be helpful is the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). You can contact them by calling 1-800-950-NAMI or you can text them by sending NAMI to 741741. Another agency that could be of great help is the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), they can help you locate low or no cost mental health care providers in your area. Their number is 1-877-726-4727 or you can go to their site at samhsa.gov.

        If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

        Stay safe,
        NRS

    • #4
      I have a question so I wanted to know if you think I should call someone about it but pretty much my friend has autism and her parents sound like they hate her and verbally abuse her every day. They say things like “your a b****” “I hate you” “your fat” “your lazy and a worthless piece of s***” and so on and every time her soon to be adopted brother does something wrong she gets yelled at for it. And recently her moms cousin died and my friend is really upset and mourning and tried to talk to her parents but they tell her she needs to the f*** up about it because it was her second cousins fault he died and she needs to stop obsessing over it. And her dog died to and when she gets upset about it and tries to talk about it her parents tell her to stop talk out of her a** and when my friend tries to talk to her dad or love him he pushes her away and says so you think you can walk in here right after having an attitude (when she didn’t have an attitude) and act all innocent. Her parents talk crap on her all the time to me especially if front of her they tell me how she’s so spoiled and she is a b**** and I really want to help and call someone because she is always calling me crying and telling me how mean her parents are. Nothing physical has every happened but they are super verbally abusive towards her.

      Comment


      • ccsmod0
        ccsmod0 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hey there,

        We are so sorry your friend is going through that with her parents, and she is lucky that you care so much about her that you want to try and help. Sometimes the best support is just to be there. We want to provide some resources your friend might find helpful if she feels ready to talk to someone about how she is being treated by her parents. She can always reach out to us through our chat or our phone line. There is also another organization that provides crisis assistance through text, and they can be reached by texting "NAMI" to 741741.

        In regard to the verbal abuse you mentioned... Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often harder to provide evidence for compared to physical abuse which is often what CPS relies on when conducting an abuse investigation. That said, we can’t be 100% sure what the outcome will be if your local CPS decides to open a case based on what she shares. Sometimes CPS decides to remove minors from the home and other times they offer services such as family counseling or mediation instead. The only way to know the outcome might be to reach out to them directly and if she's ready to do that we are here to help her through that process. Reaching out to Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 or www.childhelp.org may help to get a better understanding of what may happen before and after a report is made.

        Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

        If she is at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage her to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

        Be safe,
        NRS

    • #5
      So if my parents tell me that they dont care about and they starve me can i call cps

      Comment


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hello,

        You mentioned some things that raise concern for your safety and well-being. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. We are not experts on the issue, but generally once it's been reported, social services will either decide whether or not to take the case and further investigate. If they do take the case, they will send out someone from child protective services to do an investigation (interviewing people in the household) and from there they will decide the level of danger within the household. It generally ranges from no danger (the youth stays in the home, some services are given, and the case is closed), moderate danger (they will provide family services with possible temporary displacement) and high danger (they will remove the youth from the home and offer certain services).

        If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering.

        Please be safe and reach out soon by phone or chat so that we may help.
        Take care,
        NRS

    • #6
      My mom said i am a prisoner i am not allowed anywere, my food is limited when my mom has enough money to feed me as much as she needs and because i am adopted the government is able to provide money aswell and reats my siblings to things i am not allowed to do. If i were to take more i get grounded. I have depression for years i have never been ble to discover why but i just recently discovered it was because of them. They always bring me down and dnt let me see anyone but a theripist because i am such a ¨bad¨ kid. she verbaly abuses me, it is not bad as others but i cant handle living there anymore or i will run away, killmyself, or if it is possible call cps but i dont know if this is enought to call cps for, i dont have anything to have evidence for it but i am sure my ¨mom¨ will agree to it. Can i call cps and be put into a group home or leave?

      Comment


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hey there thank you for reaching out,
        You mentioned experiencing emotional abuse which may be reportable against your adoptive mom. Please keep in mind you by no means deserve any type of abuse, emotional or otherwise. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often harder to provide evidence for compared to physical abuse which is often what CPS relies on when conducting an abuse investigation. That said, we can’t be 100% sure what the outcome will be if your local CPS decides to open a case based on what you share. Sometimes CPS decides to remove minors from the home and other times they offer services such as family counseling or mediation instead. The only way to know the outcome might be to reach out to them directly and if you’re ready to do that we are here to help you through that process. Reaching out to Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 or www.childhelp.org may help to get a better understanding of what may happen before and after a report is made.
        Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
        If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best
        We hope to hear from you soon.
        Be safe,
        NRS

    • #7
      I am a 16 year old girl turning 17 in 7 months. I currently live with my mom and her bf. Me and my mom do not get along. She is a recovered adict. And hasn’t been in charge of me sense I was 2. And last summer I moved in with her. But her and her bf would always fight. They still do. But because of all of the fighting that happend. I ran away for the summer. I had than moved back with my grandparents and had a rough start of the year. I had met some bad people and had a momentary impulsive decision to try and kill myself. I ended up in the hospital for 9 days and moved back to my moms on Christmas Day. Sense then I have been living with my mom again. While living with my mom, I have been put on depression and anxiety meds. But as the months have gone on it hansnt gotten better. I have been isolated and just like really depressed because I have not been allowed to leave my house to hangout with friends very often. About two weekends ago I finally got to see my bestfriend after 7 months. But when I am aloud to leave it’s only with family. Or the 3 times I have ever been allowed to hangout and be with people I get moody and upset answers. And most of the time the answers are for no reason. Like keeping my room clean. (Witch I make Shure is done every other day). Or like school work. I have troubles concentrating and staying focused or understanding things so it’s hard for me to learn sometimes so I get yelled at everyday about school work.and poor grades because I struggle and I have told her that. She is very bipolar and it makes me feel as if I am the one that ********ed up in the head or that something is wrong with me. Like she tells me to make friends but when I try to and ask her to meet them or have them come over to hangout no one is allowed here or I am not allowed to hangout. But when I tell my trusted family that she says I’m lying and that it’s not true. But everyone believes her because she is the parent. Living here has made me lose so much interest in things I used to love like music and singing. And school and just people in general. I dont even like to eat much anymore. And when I’m at home she always be like saying how when I wear no bra under a shirt and I’m developed that it’s not okay. Because her bf is in the house even though u can’t see threw my tee shirts in the slightest. It was really sexist and made me feel bad about myself. At this point idk what to do because it’s toxic here and I stick up for myself and what I believe in and this house and like the way my mom thinks makes me feel like I’m just a prisoner here.

      Comment


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi there,
        Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time with your mom. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
        Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
        If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
        We hope to hear from you soon.
        Be safe,
        NRS

    • #8
      It doesn’t seem to be that bad for me but i feel as though it’s getting worse. my mom constantly yells at me and tells me this like “you don’t use your brain” or “i don’t need anymore” she’s also an alcoholic and that really messes with my anxiety and SH issues. She never asks how I am and been my family tried to help her with her alcoholism, but she never did it. She also slams my door and makes me feel like the victim. i’m sure this isn’t a bad case at all but it really effects me and I really don’t want to live with her anymore.

      Comment


      • ccsmod5
        ccsmod5 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi there,

        Thank you for reaching out to us, it sounds like things have been pretty tough at home you’re your mom. You mentioned experiencing emotional abuse which may be reportable against your mom. Please keep in mind you by no means deserve any type of abuse, emotional or otherwise. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often harder to provide evidence for compared to physical abuse which is often what CPS relies on when conducting an abuse investigation. That said, we can’t be 100% sure what the outcome will be if your local CPS decides to open a case based on what you share. Sometimes CPS decides to remove minors from the home and other times they offer services such as family counseling or mediation instead. The only way to know the outcome might be to reach out to them directly and if you’re ready to do that we are here to help you through that process. Reaching out to Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 or www.childhelp.org may help to get a better understanding of what may happen before and after a report is made.
        Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.
        Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
        If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
        We hope to hear from you soon.

        Be safe and stay strong,
        NRS

    • #9
      So I chose to live with my father when me and my siblings weren't in the best house and cps got involved so I chose ny father I love him. he always got me stuff and I was so happy. then he started yelling at me everyday for stuff I didn't do or did that didn't fit his expectations. I was scared everyday he came home because he used to hit ny mom a long time ago and I was scared. he snapped and he hit me I couldn't believe it he said he never would I just wanted to dissappear. I got really depressed about everything my mom mostly I loved her so much when she left us I told him how I was feeling and he said "well I can't have you being like this its messing with your grades your going to have to do better" now hes keeping me away from my cousin and siblings I can't do it anymore I feel horrible everyday he keeps pushing me where I was self harming at one point he drinks everyday smokes to and was snorting pain killers. His girlfriend was trying to commit suicide in the house because he wanted to break up. Help me what should I do I can't live here anymore its hurting me so much I can't live like this. He's even gotten so drunk he said he was gonna get my aunt to pick me up and take me to New Mexico to live with her. Just help me I don't want to live like this.

      Comment


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hello,

        You mentioned some things that raise concern for your safety and well-being. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. We are not experts on the issue, but generally once it's been reported, social services will either decide whether or not to take the case and further investigate. If they do take the case, they will send out someone from child protective services to do an investigation (interviewing people in the household) and from there they will decide the level of danger within the household. It generally ranges from no danger (the youth stays in the home, some services are given, and the case is closed), moderate danger (they will provide family services with possible temporary displacement) and high danger (they will remove the youth from the home and offer certain services).

        If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. Their number is 800-422-4453. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering.

        Please be safe and reach out soon by phone or chat so that we may help since we can only respond to forums twice. Our number is 800-RUNAWAY or you can chat with us at www.1800RUNAWAY.org.
        Take care,
        NRS

    • #10
      So my mom does a lot of nice things for me and sometimes i feel like it's only to keep from trying to keep me at home. I live alone with her and my dad isn't able to be home. They fight over the phone often and my dad calls me to make it a burden on myself like I did something to make them fight. My mom is very strict and wont let me do anything out of the house then proceeds to yell at me for never going outside and doing things. When i was younger she laid hands on me but only stopped when a teacher made a report abut it then she told me to never talk about what happens at home because then someone would take me away from her. I feel like she is adding to my depression. recently I got into a fight with her about how she is toxic. She yelled at me at the top of her lungs and stopped my visits to my counselor. I have had many thoughts of suicide, self harm, and I have tried to commit which my mom got angry at me. I'm not old enough to get a job and i don't know if i can stay at a friends house or if my mom will call the cops on me. I'm also not sure if i can call anyone about this.

      Comment


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        We’re glad you reached out to us. It seems like you’ve been through a lot and are feeling unsure and unsafe. It sounds like what’s been going on at home with your mom has been really difficult to get through, and we know you don’t deserve that type of treatment from her. We’re not able to give you direct advice or tell you what to do, however we can point you toward some resources that can help you advocate for yourself, such as the organization ChildHelp. They’re experts on figuring out abuse situations, and can help you out if you decide to make any calls. Here is a link to their text, chat, and phone call lines: https://childhelphotline.org/.

        We hear you saying that the problems with your mom are driving you to suicidal feelings and actions, and we are so sorry this is happening to you. If your mental health is being impacted by your mom’s actions, you absolutely deserve the treatment and care you need, and it’s not okay that she stopped you from seeing your counselor. We have a couple of resources for self harm and suicide prevention that also have a chat service, so you can talk to someone who understands how you’re feeling in the moment:

        www.twloha.com

        https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

        You are not alone.

        We’d be happy to discuss more options to help ensure your safety if you’d like. Please feel free to reach out to us at 1(800) RUNAWAY, or you can chat with one of our crisis counselors online at 1800runaway.org. Take care, and we hope to hear from you soon!

        Sincerely,

        NRS

    • #11
      so my real mom, and dad are always calling me names. my mom called me 'special ed' 'ugly ass' and what not. and my dad says ******** like 'lazy ass' 'trifling' and being toxic, constantly comparing me to my sibling, constantly pressuring me about a job when i'm only 14. putting even more stress on me, they make me feel bad about myself as if i don't already hate myself and wanna commit suicide, ive already tried many times anyways, ive already been self harming since 11, and its getting worse because of them. its like im the hated child in the house hold, always being yelled at, humiliated, denigrated, labeling, insulting, and unnecessary scolding. they honestly make me hate my life more, and i just wanna get out of here and get moved to another state.

      Comment


      • ccsmod2
        ccsmod2 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi,

        Thank you for contacting the National Runaway Safeline, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. It must be really stressful to live at home in that situation.

        You mentioned that your parents have been verbally abusing you. No one deserves to be treated that way. If you feel unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You have every right to report any abuse that is happening in your home. If you feel like that’s an option you want to explore this website might be helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. You can also give us a call and we can help you file a report if that’s the route you are considering. It might also be a good idea to explore options like staying with another family member or someone you trust.

        At the end of your post, you mentioned that you have been self-harming and that you are feeling suicidal. It can be really hard to live with mental health struggles and we want you to know you are not alone in addressing them. If you’d like additional support, an organization that might be helpful is the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). You can contact them by calling 1-800-950- NAMI or text them by sending NAMI to 741741. Another agency that could be of great help is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You can contact them by calling 1-800-273-TALK or go on their website suicidepreventionlifeline.org to use their chat feature.

        If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth or explore more options that might be available to you, don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking the “CHAT” button at the top of our homepage. We are open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

        Stay safe,

        NRS
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