Leaving home at 18

[Guest]

Hi,
I’m currently 17 years old, and I’m planning on moving out of my house in 6 months once I turn 18. I was outed to my family as gay 2 years ago and came out as trans shortly after. It’s been hell ever since. My access to social media, email, a cellphone, and the internet were restricted or out right taken away. I’m told I’m unacceptable, disgusting, and a disappointment. I’ve been told that I’m tearing our family apart. My sexuality has been compared to rape and murder. Im assigned female at birth and my parents confiscated my chest binders. CPS was called to my house in February when I was threatening suicide. They essentially did nothing but make the situation worse.

I’m secretly planning my move. I have an apartment that Im planning to move into and I’m finalizing some of the details. I’m thinking that I’ll just leave without warning once I’m a legal adult. I’m worried about the fallout. I’m worried I’ll permanently screw up my relationship with my parents and siblings. But I also feel like I can’t cope with this much longer. Any advice or similar experiences out there?

[ccsmod15]

Hey there,

First, we are so glad you contacted us. The more support you can get, the better. And that’s what we are here for. We can’t guarantee any of this is going to be easy, but we do know you’re not alone and things can get better.

You don’t deserve any of the emotional abuse your family is giving you. Their comparison of your sexuality with rape and murder is completely off base and untrue. That must truly sting and we are sorry you are going through this. We’re also sorry that CPS was unhelpful back in February.

It sounds like you have a plan in place to leave home once you are 18 but are worried about some of the fallout from that. That’s understandable. No one can say for sure exactly how your family will react, but it’s possible that with time they may come to accept you more, or at least some of the abuse might stop. In the meantime, though, you still can reach out to others for support. In addition to us, there are a few great hotlines that you may want to look into, especially since they are specifically for trans/LGBT youth: The Trevor Project (1-866-488-7386), the Trans Lifeline (1-877-565-8860), the LGBT National Hotline (1-888-843-4564), and the LGBT National Youth Talkline (1-800-246-7743). Of course, you can call us anytime at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are here 24/7 even if you just need to talk through things a bit. We also have a live chat option on the main page of our website if you’re more comfortable chatting.

If you give us a call we can also find other resources that might help you. We have a large database of shelters, counseling agencies, health centers, and the like. If you have other people that you trust that you can talk to in your life, getting support from them would also be good. Perhaps that’s a teacher, school counselor, or someone else.

You can get through this difficult time. Please stay safe. We hope to hear more from you.

Best,
NRS