I don't know what to do

[Unregistered]

I just don't know what to do. My 3 younger siblings are so mean to me. They say horrible things to me for no reason and tell me things like I don't deserve anything, you are a horrible person,
you are a brat,and said my parents told them not to listen to anything I say. When I tell my parents they are being mean to me they get mad at me for being upset about what they say.
They love my older sister and treat her like an angel. So do my parents. My dad is nice to me most of the time and is the only one that doesn't call me names and tease me I guess.
My mom makes me feel like trash. She calls me a selfish brat and screams at me for crying while she's giving me a lecture about how bad of a kid I am. Sometimes she is nice and makes me feel
like I am worth it but a lot of times she just makes me cry. She says she doesn't play favorites but she for surely treats me the worst and likes me the least. She just gave me a lecture
about how I act just like someone she loves but doesn't like, which makes no sense but she basically told me she doesn't like me. I wish she would love me like she loves my siblings but that
will probably never happen. Maybe what she says is true is a constant thought in my head. I am constantly telling myself I hate you, you're ugly, and you should just go die in a hole. I have
never cut myself with a sharp object but I try so hard to make myself bleed with my nails. I scratch myself and punch myself in the head and arm and I have a big bruise because of it. I
don't know if I should run away or kill myself or do nothing or what. I wish I could live with my best friend and her mom because her parents (who are divorced) love me. i also don't
wanna run away because I get good grades and want to go to Stanford one day. I just don't know if I will last that long. Please help me.

[ccsmod15]

Re: I don't know what to do

Hi there,
Thanks for reaching out to us here at NRS. It sounds like you have a lot going on. No child deserves to be abused no matter the form it comes in. That is unfair that your siblings are treating you like that and that your parents are not doing much about it. You had mentioned that you tried talking to your parents about what goes on but it did not go well. What about a family friend or trusted adult? Sometimes talking with another adult that you trust can help out a lot. A good support system in a stressful time is very important. If you were to talk with an adult about what is going on there is also the possibility that they either speak with your parents or could help you speak to your parents, that way you are able to have your side heard and there is an adult you trust there that will help both sides be heard and keep the conversation positive and constructive. This could also help with the siblings. In terms of the hurting yourself and thought of killing your, those are very serious and in many ways permanent things. Hurting yourself may not seem permanent but it can leave both physical and mental scars. It may seem like it can help at times but there are and can be much safer ways to help relieve the stress and pain that you are feeling. Going for a run, doing some form of yoga or mediation, and even hitting pillow could be some. That is great that you have your friend and her family, as stated earlier a good support system is a very good and important thing.
It sounds like you have a lot going on but it is good that you have a good friend and her family to help you out. It shows a lot that you reached out to us tonight, it can be a scary thing, and that is something to be proud of. If there is ever anything you need please feel free to reach out to us. We are open 24/7 and you can reach us here on the bulletin, on our live chat, or on our 24/7 toll free hotline.

Best of luck,
NRS