I don't feel safe at my mom's house but I'm afraid I'll be considered over dramatic

[Guest]

Hello. I am a 13 year old girl and I have a few things to say.I do not feel safe at my mom's house, and I want to live with my dad because I'm miserable over there. I'm afraid of sharing this because I don't want to be called "a drama queen" or "overreacting" when I'm actually mentally suffering. My mom seems very loving and caring but I suffer from what I call "Middle Child Syndrome". I'm not extremely acknowledge in my household, and I tend to always isolate myself. I was told I suffered from depression a while ago and I started going to therapy, it worked barely for me and my dad wouldn't let me get anti-depressants so my depression only got worse. I started to get better,and I found out I was bisexual. I didn't tell my mom because she made it very clear that she hated LGBTQ, and when she talked bad about it I just fell further into my depression once again. My mom eventually looked through my phone and found out, I was grounded for a week. We had an argument and she kept saying I'm not allowed to like girls and how I was a sinner. This broke me and I've never looked at her the same since. She soon started saying she loved and accepted me, but her words never left my mind, so I was put in a sense of doubt around her, like I was always silently judged around her. These feelings always made suicide in the back of my mind and there were times where I almost considered doing it because all of her words dug in so deep. And just today, she made me get this app that monitors everything I do on my phone including what I text. Now I get where she's coming from, but now I can't text someone I care about because I can't like girls. I feel extremely violated and felt betrayed, like I couldn't be trusted. I've cried practically all day and I considered suicide or running away. I already feel miserable there, and now that she can do whatever she wants on my device, I don't feel safe anymore, please also keep in mind that she never bought my phone nor pay my phone bill, so I don't think that she has the right to do that. I'm scared of her, I don't feel comfortable or safe around her, and I don't think my dad will care. This is my small cry for help on what I should do. I'm begging for help please before I do something stupid, because I can't text the crises line. I pray fro a response soon...

[ccsmod9]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.
Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation bestWe hope to hear from you soon. Be safe, NRS

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension between you and your mom. Running away is a big decision and it can be very stressful to figure out what you want to do. You mentioned that you have been considering suicide. We care a lot about your safety, and we can help you find resources that can help you cope with these feelings. You do not have to face this alone, and there is so much help out there for you. If you are thinking about hurting yourself, the National Suicide Hotline could be a good resource for you. You can check them out at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/, or you can call 1-800-273-8255 for help and support any time. You also brought up that you have suffered from depression; if you’d like some additional support, an organization that may be helpful is the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). You can contact them by calling 1-800-950-NAMI or you can text them by sending NAMI to 741741.

It was very courageous of you to come out to your mother as bisexual! It can be really hard to have family members that are not understanding or supportive of who you are. You are not alone in this and the LGBT National Youth Talkline is a great resource that offers support for young people in similar situations to your own. The hotline is run by those that are familiar with the issues and experiences of those that are also a part of the LGBTQ community. You can reach them by calling 1-800-246-7743 or you can check out their website at gltbhotline.org. You can also check out the Trevor Project, an organization dedicated to helping LGBT teens, by calling 866-488-7386 or by going to thetrevorproject.org.

It sounds like your mom isn’t listening to you when you are trying to express your thoughts and feelings about your current situation and how you feel about the software on your phone. It could be a good idea to work with a local family counselor or have a conversation mediated by a school counselor/social worker, trusted friend, or family member to help clear the air. If you'd like, you can also call us directly and we can conduct a conference call with your mom so you have a safe environment where you can express yourself.

If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

Stay safe,
NRS