I feel unacknowledged and i am getting ready to run away

[Guest]

I am a 12 year old girl who lives in a 5 person family, Two parents, and Three kids, including me. I realize that some middle children feel like this because they aren't the 'baby' or the 'oldest' and don't get the most attention. It's different for me though. My younger sis is 11 and my older sister is 19. My mom mostly pays attention to the TV and my older sister, while my dad pays attention to his work and my younger sister. I lost my cat a week ago and no one really said anything to me. 3 years ago I started to feel left out of everything and my friends depleted very fast, which the reason why is still unknown, and i felt guilty for it. I tried being nicer to people and being kind to more people but it didn't really help. A couple years pass with this same outcome and I kept thinking that i was to blame for most things, like my family arguing, my sister being upset causing my mom to be angry, etc. Self-hate started to grow inside of me and soon took control. I kept rejecting offers to hang out because I thought I would ruin everything if i was there. A couple of months ago, my 15 year old cousin ran away with her boy friend, purposeful space, and they got in some trouble. That made me think to myself, 'You were supposed to do that first, You can't even leave on time.' I did have plans to run away 1 1/2 years ago, but felt that i was being selfish for trying to leave because i wanted to be acknowledged. I think that, recently, my family has been dropping hints that they don't care for me, same with my friends. They yell at me more often, and my younger sister hits me more and i get yelled at for defending myself. I started to think to myself, 'They would be better if I wasn't with them,' and I started acting on that. My birthday is coming up soon and I hope to get a suitcase and a camcorder. They're part of the plan. The suitcase is kinda obvious but the camcorder is so i can record what I do while on the run and it's kind of a good way to get my thoughts out. I have a specific date set and I am getting money saved up to live on my own and/or with other kids like me. I found a lot of cheap things to buy and places to hide from my parents when they find out. I just want to know what to do. Please help.

[ccsmod9]

Hi there, Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It seems there is a lot that you are faced with right now and you’re feeling like leaving is one of your only options. It seems you want to know some information on runaway laws.
While we are not experts on the law, 18 is generally the age that an individual may leave home without parent permission. If you are under 18 and leave home, your parent/guardian may file you as a runaway and you may be returned home. Also, those you stay with may run the risk of being charged with harboring a runaway. For more specifics on the law, the local non-emergency police or legal aid may better answer legal questions.
We are here as support to help through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email to assist you. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
Be safe, NRS