I don’t feel safe with my dad

[Guest]

I mostly live with my mom, I only see my dad two times a week. I always hate going there, but my mom isn’t going to do anything to try and help. Almost every time me and my brother who is 16, I’m 14, our dad yells at us. He usually yells at my brother, but sometimes he yells at me too. A few years ago I was too scared to do something and he got mad at me and hit my back, not hard enough to seriously hurt me but hard enough to make me do it. I told my mom and she didn’t do anything! And then the next time I had to go, I was going to school and had a major panic attack, I was in fifth grade and I threw up in front of the whole school. My mom was busy and couldn’t come get me, which meant my dad had to. I really didn’t want them to call him so I tried to make up an excuse for him to not pick me up, but they had to try before calling anyone else. Nowadays, I have a half brother on my dads side and he’s four. I always have to take care of him, not my brother who is older, and not my dad who should be taking care of him. I’m always too scared to talk to my dad because I don’t want to get yelled at. I usually don’t talk at all at his house, and here’s why. Today, I asked my brother, who can legally drive, to drive us home right after lunch and he agreed. When it comes time, he says he’s going to go swimming with our dad, but I really didn’t want to stay any longer so I argued with him. He finally agreed, but then he tattled on me to our dad and he yelled at me. I can’t mentally handle being in trouble, or getting yelled at, or even someone being mad at me. I cry basically every time I’m at his house. I’m constantly in fear of getting hurt or yelled at again. My brother always gets yelled at every time we’re here, and hearing them yelling makes me want to just lay in bed and not get up again. I have no clue what to do anymore.

[ccsmod2]

Hello There,
Thank you for contacting The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. It sounds like you are going through a pretty difficult time right now. Being around yelling can be really frustrating.
One option you could consider is trying to talk with your dad about how you feel. At NRS we offer conference calling where if you call us we call out to your parent and have a conference call. Conference calling allows you to be heard and we are there to mediate the conversation and provide support to you.
Another option you could consider is talking to a therapist about what is going on at home. Sometimes talking to a professional can help you feel better and they will provide you with some resources.
You can also try to do calming techniques every time you feel a panic attack about to come on. You can try taking deep breaths or sometimes going on a walk may help. Also if you have any friends that you would feel comfortable talking to that may help as well.
We hope this information will be helpful to you in your situation. If you have any questions or would like to explore your options further please give us a call. We are here 24/7 to listen and to provide support. We wish you the best of luck!
NRS

[Guest]

My mom and dad are still together. But I can see in my moms eyes that she knows what type of person my dad really is. When my mom leaves for work he yells at me and my other two sisters. Me and my younger sister both do online school, witch to he means we get to be hes personal slaves. Whenever he tells us to something me and my sister aren't comfortable doing, we usually have to suck it up and try or he will yell at us. Whenever I get to go to my friends house or the dance studio I go, because those are my safe spaces. My dad barely pays dills and it always ends up with my mom putting in extra work and her trying to pay for the rent, light bill, dance bill, and more. He barely shows so when he comes home he stinks up the place. He treats my 2 year old sister like shes 15 and it makes me and my other sister sad to watch him do that, for example when she cries over something baby's would cry about he tells her to be quiet and to suck it up. It feel like he just had kid so that they can do hes dirty work.

[ccsmod2]

Hello There,
Thank you for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and we are so glad that you have decided to reach out to us!
Wow we are sorry to hear that you and your siblings are treated poorly by your father, you guys do not deserve that. One option to consider is to try and talk to your mom alone, she may be able to talk with your father or figure out a plan. You could also consider talking with your school counselor about what is going on. We know you mentioned doing school remotely, but many counselors are still meeting with students even if it is virtually.
We are always here for you if you need support or need someone to talk to. You can reach us by phone or by chat online. We can help you look for resources and help explore your options. Best of luck!
NRS

[Guest]

I have lived with my parent all my life (I'm a minor), so I see a lot of things the rest I my family doesn't. I have a very abusive family, mostly my parents. I have multiple metal illnesses, two being ADD and ADHD, even though I show all the symptoms, my family still doesn't believe me. I am currently doing online school, so I have a lot of stress and missing assignments. My parents don't care about me at all, only my grades. So I usually have to lie to keep myself out of danger. My parents found out I have 9 missing assignments and immediately started yelling at me. My dad started threatening me. He said, and I quote "If you don't bring every bad grade up to an A+ by the end of the month, I will throw you out of the house and lock you up, and eventually starve you and bury you." I feel very unsafe in my household, but fear the consequences of saying anything or getting help. I am crying my eyes out in my closet hiding from my dad as I type this.

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension. It sounds like you are in need of a little bit more empathy from your parents when it comes to the stress of school and that's a totally valid feeling to have!

It seems like your parents don't realize how much their words and actions and their emphasis on grades is affecting you. It could be a good idea to work with a local family counselor or have a conversation mediated by a school counselor/social worker, trusted friend, or family member to help clear the air. If you’d like, you can also call us directly at 1-800-RUNAWAY and we can set up a conference call with your parents so one of our trained crisis workers can act as a mediator.

You also mentioned that you were struggling with some mental health issues but were not getting proper support. It can be really hard to live with mental health issues and we want you to know that you aren’t alone in addressing them. An organization that may be helpful is the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). You can contact them by calling 1-800-950-NAMI or you can text them by sending NAMI to 741741. Another agency that could be of great help is the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), they can help you locate low or no cost mental health care providers in your area. Their number is 1-800-662-4357 or you can go to their site at samhsa.gov.

If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

Stay safe,
NRS

We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

[Guest]

April 26 2021, .I don’t want to Live in my household, or live period. My stepfather choked my mom and when I try to step in and tell him to stop he grabbed my neck and choke me my mom been in a toxic relationship, and my mom is saying she is going to get an divorce, I’m don't know if she is lying or not. I want her to get a divorce. I need her to; i don't feel safe when she leaves for work. My brother hates, me, my stepfather hates me and my sister hates me. So when my mom leaves for work, i will get bullied by them. They won't feed me. Make me stay in the room make me clean up after them. And get mad whenever I forget to do something small such as forget to throw away an empty tea light. I don't want to live anymore. I want to die, and never breathe again. But I fear for my mom. My mom tells me to forgive him. But I can't I don't think I would ever forgive him. I’m 13 btw; can you guys please share something that can help me out? I already cut myself, I attempted suicide multiple times. And my mom doesn’t even know.


~M.

[ccsmod13]

Hi there,

Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. Home is supposed to be somewhere you can feel safe and supported. It is not okay that you have to witness or experience any type of violence at home. It sounds like you are feeling unwanted at home and as if your mom is not taking enough action to protect you. You deserve to be treated with respect and to feel safe. It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.

It seems like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to child protective services. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. They can tell you more about how CPS could respond to your situation. If you ever need assistance calling out to CPS to make an abuse or neglect report please call is at 1-800-RUNAWAY.

Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.

If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best

We hope to hear from you soon.

Be safe,
NRS

[Guest]

My dad started being abusive ever since I was 8 or 9 he would hit me and my mum for minor inconveniences that weren’t that bad me and my mum left him and stayed by ourselves for about a year. After that he was unconscious in the streets and called my mum and her being so naive and she wanted to help him the one who tried killing me and her. At first he was sweet and I thought he changed but 6-13 weeks later he started being abusive not physically this time but verbally and I am worried he will get physical. I have tried telling my mum to kick him out but she won’t because he is always kind to her but not me.(I’m only 12 btw)

[ccsmod5]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. Unfortunately, sometimes it can be hard to realize there is a pattern going on and it seems like your mom does not see what the relationship is building up to be again. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately, despite what your parents ight say, your safety is a priority. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.
Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS

[Guest]

I'm not sure if it's safe with my dad. I honestly don't feel safe with him but I live with him. I never see my mom. My dad makes me uncomfortable to be alone with him. Whenever he walks by me he smacks my butt and says that it will get me in trouble one day. He gets so angry. He hasn't hit me but with the mental abuse he's doing to me it wouldn't be a surprise when he does. I feel so vulnerable with him and he just scares me. Now everytime he walks by me I brace myself not to cry if he smacks my butt. I don't like it at all and I tell him but he don't care. I'm scared but I can't leave my dogs. I'm the only one who can take care of them and my mom can't take them we already have 2 dogs at her house she can't afford another 2. I just don't know what to do..

[ccsmod15]

Hi there,
Thank you for contacting us here at the National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand this can be extremely uncomfortable to talk about, so we thank you for sharing the situation and how you're feeling with us. We want you to know that the abuse you're experiencing isn't your fault and your dad's actions are not because of the way you look or who you are, rather because of who HE is. Your discomfort with his behavior is completely understandable and we are here to help you however we can.

You can call the police if you feel unsafe with your dad and explain the situation that is going on. This may help get the right authorities involved to investigate what's going on at home. We can also help you file an abuse report if you would like to do so. NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance, so if you would like to talk more in detail about what options you may have, please call or chat soon.

Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button). If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe and take care,
NRS

[Guest]

Hi, my dad abused me all through my life until I was 16 and I completely pulled away from my family. I couldn’t take it anymore. I have never had anyone to talk about it to so I currently deal with a lot of unresolved trauma. We got into an argument over the phone last year which wasn’t good and I’ve been ignoring his texts/calls ever since. I’m back home because I have no choice. He came to my room and said we need to talk when he gets back, right before he went out. I have been feeling scared and unsafe for the past few hours and I don’t want to feel like this again. I hate that I have no one to turn to.

[ccsmod15]

Hello! Thank you so much for reaching out to NRS. Asking for help is a very brave thing to do and we are happy you came to us. This sounds like a very difficult situation and we are sorry you are going through this. The first thing to point out is that if you believe you are in harm’s way or any sort of danger you may consider removing yourself from the situation or calling 911. We can help you find a safe place to stay if you decide you need to remove yourself from the situation.

If you do not think you are in danger, there are a few options for you to consider to help with the conversation with your dad. It is totally understandable to be nervous before this conversation. Keep it mind that the conversation could end up being positive. You may try having another family member or trusted adult join you in the conversation to try and keep things civil. You may call in to us and we can act as an unbiased 3rd party for the conversation. You may also consider writing down the things you need him to know in a letter and have him read it instead of talking.

At NRS we can also help you go through other legal channels if you preference is to try and go to the police or CPS about your father’s abuse. We can help with paperwork and finding a safe place for you to stay.

If you would like to talk more indepth and provide more details regarding your situation so we can better help you, please feel free to call the safeline or use our confidential chat service. We can give more personalized information there. We are available 24/7.

[Guest]

Hi there. You most likely hear stories of close variation, but i still hope you're well when you read this. I live with my dad and stepmom. My dad, he has a short temper. I constantly feel threatened by him even in small arguments about what to watch on tv. I'm not totally sure i can file a report of abuse, though, because i have no ability to prove the things he says and threatens to do to me; I have no unsupervised internet access outside of the school computer I'm currently on, no one to defend me, I'm afraid. He's said he'd punch out my teeth, beat me within an inch of my life, kick me, punch me, over and over and over, all the same threats. I stopped self-harming recently, but he found out some time ago and said he'd burn me "enough to do the job" if he saw any new burn scars on my arms. But like i said: i can't prove any of this outside of "he said it to me." My stepmother would most definitely defend him/lie if I brought it up in front of others. I've talked to him about his actions and words, and I've done so since i was 13. i'm 16 now and it still does nothing to make him change, he insists that i deserved everything he did, and that he's a good father and deserves respect for doing his responsibilities. when i was ten he'd beaten me with a belt until i was on the floor in my own urine and tears, and this was the last he'd physically harmed me so drastically. every now and then he pushes me, towers over me, even yells at me to 'shut up' when he's wrong in an argument. I never feel secure. my stepmother stood by and watched, as she often listens to him threatening to hurt me again and again these days. she acts like a peon and agrees with everything he says blindly. he's said that if the police ever were called on him ( by myself, of course ) he would beat me as much as he could until they came. to give them a 'real' reason to take him away. i worry about harming myself or others often because of him. i worry about snapping on myself, my friends, more or less. i'm considering getting psychiatric help but i'm afraid of the risk of him trying to take me out of any facilities that may help me. i'm desperate. i won't make two more years if i'm still in this house with him.

they don't take me to get medical checkups or mental help and i'm still unsure whether I genuinely deserve any of it. I'm afraid to let school officers or cps know my situation because i've tried in the past and they always end up telling him I talked to them. never what i said, but that i spoke to them. its put me in danger before and i've had to lie to him and say my mother probably told them he was abusing me, that i didn't say anything. I have no idea where to go from here but I am incredibly afraid of myself and what being scared of him might make me do to get away.

A.L.

[ccsmod16]

Hi,
Thank you so very much for reaching out; we are glad that you did. It sounds like you have been in this awful situation for years, and it's understandable that how he beat you when you were 10 still affects you now - it is a human response. We are so sorry you are going through this; you don't deserve any of it. You don't deserve to be treated this way at all. Ever. It's understandable that you are worried about CPS or telling someone at school since it only made things worse.
We work best when we can have a conversation with people. We are very glad that you have your school computer, that way, you can chat us through this website so that we can hear more and see if we can discover some options together.
We are here and ready to support you and believe you. You can chat us 24/7 though this website (www.1800runaway.org)
You have been so brave to survive all of this. You are brave for reaching out to us and talking about things that hurt. We are here for you and will do our best to listen and help.
We look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
NRS

[Guest]

I do not feel safe around my home... I'm sorry I'm to scared to say anything to anyone because 1 the last time I told someone my uncle was touching me no one believed me so now I have nobody in 7th or 8th grade my dad got angry at me for no reason and chased me and grabbed his knife and cut me with it then my mom and dad had to rush me to the hospital where he continued to lie to the doctor and say I tripped on the knife and I was to scared to speak up he then proceeded to use the knife to try and threaten me with it... when I was younger I was sexually abused by my mom's friend son and another person showed me porn my dad would beat me and my brother over and over again I remember when he burned my brother hand on the stove because we were hungry and we wanted to eat I remember him grabbing my brother neck he would for say if we threw up any moment he would make us eat it I just don't feel safe. I have nobody no friends nobody who will help my aunt and grandma tried to help but they were told to stay out of it and I'm afraid to call anybody for help...

[ccsmod10]

You are very courageous and smart to be reaching out to us. It sounds like you have been in an environment that is dangerous, extremely stressful, and potentially scary for a long time, and haven't received the support or help you deserve from the people you've talked to. You do not deserve to feel unsafe or worried at home, and you do not deserve the sexual abuse you experienced. Being on the receiving end of this is not your fault, and recovery from it is possible. We are here to help you as best we can every step of the way.

A lot of what you're describing sounds like physical and emotional abuse, as well as neglect, from your dad. These are actions that we can report to people who could intervene and help, potentially resulting in you leaving your dad's home and living with someone else. In order to do that, we would need to talk with you through live chat (1800runaway.org) or you could call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You could also do so with anyone from your school (teacher, counselor, police officer, etc.) or with someone at a police station, hospital, etc.

If you are ever in danger, please remember you can call 911.

Please get in contact with us again if you can, or keep talking to whatever adults will listen. We are here for you; you do not have to go through this alone.

[Guest]

I live with my dad and stepmom. My dad, he has a short temper. I constantly feel threatened by him even in small arguments about what to watch on tv. I'm not totally sure i can file a report of abuse, though, because i have no ability to prove the things he says and threatens to do to me; I'm afraid. He's said he'd punch out my teeth, beat me within an inch of my life, kick me, punch me, over and over and over, all the same threats. My biological mother died out of suicide and she was the best mother I could ever ask for. My stepmother acts the same way as my dad does but she isn’t mean or anything bad, I've talked to my therapists about my father’s actions and words, and I've done so since i was 13. i'm 16 now and it still does nothing to make him change, he insists that i deserved everything he did, and that he's a good father and deserves respect for doing his responsibilities. when i was ten he'd beaten me with a belt until i was on the floor in my own blood and tears, and this was the last he'd physically harmed me so drastically. every now and then he pushes me, towers over me, even yells at me to 'shut up' when he's wrong in an argument. I never felt secure. my mother has gone through the same things he did to me and I kind of always thought that was the reason behind her suicide. he's said that if the police ever were called on him ( by myself, of course ) he would take me, my sister and my brother to separate foster homes. I always worry about harming myself or others often because of him. i worry about snapping on myself, my friends, more or less. i'm considering getting psychiatric help but i'm afraid of the risk of him trying to take me out of any facilities that may help me. i'm desperate. i won't make two more years if i'm still in this house with him.

they take me to get medical checkups or mental help, but I’m still unsure whether I genuinely deserve any of it. I'm afraid to let school officers or cps know my situation because i've tried in the past and they always end up telling him I talked to them. never what i said, but that i spoke to them. its put me in danger before and i've had to lie to him and say my mother probably told them he was abusing me, that i didn't say anything. I have no idea where to go from here but I am incredibly afraid of myself and what being scared of him might make me do to get away.

[ccsmod3]

Hi thank you for reaching out. This sounds like an overwhelming situation and you do not deserve any of this treatment from dad. He is in the wrong and you deserve better. We are also very sorry for the loss or your mother and the reasons behind why you believe she did what she did. It sounds like you have talked to therapists in the past about dad’s treatment, and it seems they should have done more to help. It sounds very scary at home and like you are wondering how to get out safely. An option is to tell an adult that you trust as they could report it to the police and/or Child Protective Services. We can even help you in making a report if you are interested. We can also discuss options of possible safe places to go if you were to decide to report that way you would be safe during that process. You deserve to feel safe and protected in your home and we are here to support as best as possible. To talk more about this or possible options, please either call our hotline 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat us online at 1800runaway.org. We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS

[Guest]

I don't feel safe with my father at all
while my mother was alive (she died due to aplastic anemia), whenever there was arguments, it always resulted in him hitting her and I would always try to step in but I get hurt instead.
a few months ago, me and my dad got into the most heated argument in my whole life. it's gone to the point I didn't know I voice recorded it on my other phone (I still have it till this day.) And never checked until yesterday. I had told him in the voice recordings that he's the reason I still have depression and he didn't listen. Never told him that I have suicidal thoughts. I did thought of suicide but it's not what my mom had wanted.. Fast forward to today. I told him that I had switched jobs because the last one wasn't paying me and the new one will and he got angry because he was expecting me to get money from the last job and they didn't pay me. I kept telling him that this new job will pay me and he just wouldn't listen. Now I just feel like he wants me out of the house now
I mean, I really want to run away but I can't..
I don't feel safe..

[ccsmod3]

Hi thank you for reaching out. First we are sorry to hear that you lost your mom, that alone can be incredibly difficult to go through. It sounds like your dad was abusive to your mom before she passed and is now being aggressive with you. That sounds really scary with how he treats you and you have the proof of how bad it can get. That is frustrating that he did not listen when you were trying to explain how you are feeling, it sounds like he is neglecting your needs. That also sounds stressful that he got so mad about your job, when you were doing what is best for him and just letting him know what is happening. We are here to help and support as best as we can if you would like to talk more about this or some possible options to help. You deserve to be in a home where you feel safe and supported. If this interests you, please either call our hotline 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat us online at 1800runaway.org. We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe,
NRS