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I don’t feel safe with my dad

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  • I don’t feel safe with my dad

    I mostly live with my mom, I only see my dad two times a week. I always hate going there, but my mom isn’t going to do anything to try and help. Almost every time me and my brother who is 16, I’m 14, our dad yells at us. He usually yells at my brother, but sometimes he yells at me too. A few years ago I was too scared to do something and he got mad at me and hit my back, not hard enough to seriously hurt me but hard enough to make me do it. I told my mom and she didn’t do anything! And then the next time I had to go, I was going to school and had a major panic attack, I was in fifth grade and I threw up in front of the whole school. My mom was busy and couldn’t come get me, which meant my dad had to. I really didn’t want them to call him so I tried to make up an excuse for him to not pick me up, but they had to try before calling anyone else. Nowadays, I have a half brother on my dads side and he’s four. I always have to take care of him, not my brother who is older, and not my dad who should be taking care of him. I’m always too scared to talk to my dad because I don’t want to get yelled at. I usually don’t talk at all at his house, and here’s why. Today, I asked my brother, who can legally drive, to drive us home right after lunch and he agreed. When it comes time, he says he’s going to go swimming with our dad, but I really didn’t want to stay any longer so I argued with him. He finally agreed, but then he tattled on me to our dad and he yelled at me. I can’t mentally handle being in trouble, or getting yelled at, or even someone being mad at me. I cry basically every time I’m at his house. I’m constantly in fear of getting hurt or yelled at again. My brother always gets yelled at every time we’re here, and hearing them yelling makes me want to just lay in bed and not get up again. I have no clue what to do anymore.

  • #2
    Hello There,
    Thank you for contacting The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. It sounds like you are going through a pretty difficult time right now. Being around yelling can be really frustrating.
    One option you could consider is trying to talk with your dad about how you feel. At NRS we offer conference calling where if you call us we call out to your parent and have a conference call. Conference calling allows you to be heard and we are there to mediate the conversation and provide support to you.
    Another option you could consider is talking to a therapist about what is going on at home. Sometimes talking to a professional can help you feel better and they will provide you with some resources.
    You can also try to do calming techniques every time you feel a panic attack about to come on. You can try taking deep breaths or sometimes going on a walk may help. Also if you have any friends that you would feel comfortable talking to that may help as well.
    We hope this information will be helpful to you in your situation. If you have any questions or would like to explore your options further please give us a call. We are here 24/7 to listen and to provide support. We wish you the best of luck!
    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      My mom and dad are still together. But I can see in my moms eyes that she knows what type of person my dad really is. When my mom leaves for work he yells at me and my other two sisters. Me and my younger sister both do online school, witch to he means we get to be hes personal slaves. Whenever he tells us to something me and my sister aren't comfortable doing, we usually have to suck it up and try or he will yell at us. Whenever I get to go to my friends house or the dance studio I go, because those are my safe spaces. My dad barely pays dills and it always ends up with my mom putting in extra work and her trying to pay for the rent, light bill, dance bill, and more. He barely shows so when he comes home he stinks up the place. He treats my 2 year old sister like shes 15 and it makes me and my other sister sad to watch him do that, for example when she cries over something baby's would cry about he tells her to be quiet and to suck it up. It feel like he just had kid so that they can do hes dirty work.

      Comment


      • ccsmod2
        ccsmod2 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hello There,
        Thank you for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and we are so glad that you have decided to reach out to us!
        Wow we are sorry to hear that you and your siblings are treated poorly by your father, you guys do not deserve that. One option to consider is to try and talk to your mom alone, she may be able to talk with your father or figure out a plan. You could also consider talking with your school counselor about what is going on. We know you mentioned doing school remotely, but many counselors are still meeting with students even if it is virtually.
        We are always here for you if you need support or need someone to talk to. You can reach us by phone or by chat online. We can help you look for resources and help explore your options. Best of luck!
        NRS

    • #4
      I have lived with my parent all my life (I'm a minor), so I see a lot of things the rest I my family doesn't. I have a very abusive family, mostly my parents. I have multiple metal illnesses, two being ADD and ADHD, even though I show all the symptoms, my family still doesn't believe me. I am currently doing online school, so I have a lot of stress and missing assignments. My parents don't care about me at all, only my grades. So I usually have to lie to keep myself out of danger. My parents found out I have 9 missing assignments and immediately started yelling at me. My dad started threatening me. He said, and I quote "If you don't bring every bad grade up to an A+ by the end of the month, I will throw you out of the house and lock you up, and eventually starve you and bury you." I feel very unsafe in my household, but fear the consequences of saying anything or getting help. I am crying my eyes out in my closet hiding from my dad as I type this.

      Comment


      • ccsmod1
        ccsmod1 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hey there,

        Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension. It sounds like you are in need of a little bit more empathy from your parents when it comes to the stress of school and that's a totally valid feeling to have!

        It seems like your parents don't realize how much their words and actions and their emphasis on grades is affecting you. It could be a good idea to work with a local family counselor or have a conversation mediated by a school counselor/social worker, trusted friend, or family member to help clear the air. If you’d like, you can also call us directly at 1-800-RUNAWAY and we can set up a conference call with your parents so one of our trained crisis workers can act as a mediator.

        You also mentioned that you were struggling with some mental health issues but were not getting proper support. It can be really hard to live with mental health issues and we want you to know that you aren’t alone in addressing them. An organization that may be helpful is the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). You can contact them by calling 1-800-950-NAMI or you can text them by sending NAMI to 741741. Another agency that could be of great help is the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), they can help you locate low or no cost mental health care providers in your area. Their number is 1-800-662-4357 or you can go to their site at samhsa.gov.

        If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

        Stay safe,
        NRS

        We'd love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to support youth and families. Please click the link below to fill out our survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think

    • #5
      April 26 2021, .I don’t want to Live in my household, or live period. My stepfather choked my mom and when I try to step in and tell him to stop he grabbed my neck and choke me my mom been in a toxic relationship, and my mom is saying she is going to get an divorce, I’m don't know if she is lying or not. I want her to get a divorce. I need her to; i don't feel safe when she leaves for work. My brother hates, me, my stepfather hates me and my sister hates me. So when my mom leaves for work, i will get bullied by them. They won't feed me. Make me stay in the room make me clean up after them. And get mad whenever I forget to do something small such as forget to throw away an empty tea light. I don't want to live anymore. I want to die, and never breathe again. But I fear for my mom. My mom tells me to forgive him. But I can't I don't think I would ever forgive him. I’m 13 btw; can you guys please share something that can help me out? I already cut myself, I attempted suicide multiple times. And my mom doesn’t even know.


      ~M.

      Comment


      • ccsmod13
        ccsmod13 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi there,

        Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. Home is supposed to be somewhere you can feel safe and supported. It is not okay that you have to witness or experience any type of violence at home. It sounds like you are feeling unwanted at home and as if your mom is not taking enough action to protect you. You deserve to be treated with respect and to feel safe. It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.

        It seems like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to child protective services. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. They can tell you more about how CPS could respond to your situation. If you ever need assistance calling out to CPS to make an abuse or neglect report please call is at 1-800-RUNAWAY.

        Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.

        If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best

        We hope to hear from you soon.

        Be safe,
        NRS

    • #6
      My dad started being abusive ever since I was 8 or 9 he would hit me and my mum for minor inconveniences that weren’t that bad me and my mum left him and stayed by ourselves for about a year. After that he was unconscious in the streets and called my mum and her being so naive and she wanted to help him the one who tried killing me and her. At first he was sweet and I thought he changed but 6-13 weeks later he started being abusive not physically this time but verbally and I am worried he will get physical. I have tried telling my mum to kick him out but she won’t because he is always kind to her but not me.(I’m only 12 btw)

      Comment


      • ccsmod5
        ccsmod5 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi there,
        Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. Unfortunately, sometimes it can be hard to realize there is a pattern going on and it seems like your mom does not see what the relationship is building up to be again. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately, despite what your parents ight say, your safety is a priority. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.
        Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
        If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best
        We hope to hear from you soon.
        Be safe,
        NRS

    • #7
      I'm not sure if it's safe with my dad. I honestly don't feel safe with him but I live with him. I never see my mom. My dad makes me uncomfortable to be alone with him. Whenever he walks by me he smacks my butt and says that it will get me in trouble one day. He gets so angry. He hasn't hit me but with the mental abuse he's doing to me it wouldn't be a surprise when he does. I feel so vulnerable with him and he just scares me. Now everytime he walks by me I brace myself not to cry if he smacks my butt. I don't like it at all and I tell him but he don't care. I'm scared but I can't leave my dogs. I'm the only one who can take care of them and my mom can't take them we already have 2 dogs at her house she can't afford another 2. I just don't know what to do..

      Comment


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi there,
        Thank you for contacting us here at the National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand this can be extremely uncomfortable to talk about, so we thank you for sharing the situation and how you're feeling with us. We want you to know that the abuse you're experiencing isn't your fault and your dad's actions are not because of the way you look or who you are, rather because of who HE is. Your discomfort with his behavior is completely understandable and we are here to help you however we can.

        You can call the police if you feel unsafe with your dad and explain the situation that is going on. This may help get the right authorities involved to investigate what's going on at home. We can also help you file an abuse report if you would like to do so. NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance, so if you would like to talk more in detail about what options you may have, please call or chat soon.

        Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button). If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

        We hope to hear from you soon.
        Be safe and take care,
        NRS
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