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I don't know whether I should run away or not... please help!

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  • I don't know whether I should run away or not... please help!

    Hello. My name is XXXXXX --but I go by my middle name, XXXX, now. I'm 12 years old.
    Don't get me wrong--I love my mother. She's the only one who understands me. But my dad? That's what I'm here to talk about. He's emotionally abusive--he keeps
    thinking that the root of all of the mistakes and problems I make are from the internet/computer, when really, they're not, and it's just me. The way I am. I'm
    not going to specify, because I would like to keep those problems strictly to myself. He also says that I can talk to him whenever I'd like--but he gets angry
    too often, and whenever I DO try to talk to him when he's like this he won't listen or he'll shoot me down and make an excuse, making ME seem like the one who
    is wrong. I'm so afraid of my dad that, even though he doesn't really touch me, just a harsh tap on the top of my head, (he also says that he wished he
    could have slapped me across the face sometimes) I'm so afraid of other people touching me that even a tap on my shoulder can send dark thoughts through my head.
    My dad has insulted me and done so many things to my mind that I've developed two mental disorders--G.A.D. and depression. I'll often have random emotional
    breakdowns and have one each time after my dad gives a lecture--they start off harmless but then he delves into things like drugs and alcohol and stealing and
    I've had several thoughts of suicide after one of his "lectures" because that's how bad they can get, and here's the thing--after one of his "lectures", I keep
    thinking "this is all my fault, I should kill myself right now because I'm worthless and no one likes me and I'm a pig", and things along those lines. Then, after
    I spend twenty minutes in my closet trying to get a hold of myself, my dad pulls me into a hug and says, "I'm just worried for you, you know that, right?" No,
    I don't know. It's all for show--he's not just worried for me. If he was worried for me, then he wouldn't do... what he does.
    I can only talk to my mom about this, but she can't really do anything about it. This is progressively getting worse and I'm thinking about running away and
    asking my mom to help me with it--but I don't know. I don't know if I should or shouldn't, so that's why I'm asking here.

  • #2
    Re: I don't know whether I should run away or not... please help!

    Thank you for contacting us at the National Runaway Safeline. We are sorry to hear that things have been so hard for you at home. It is great to see that you are trying to explore your options before taking the next steps. It takes a great courage to reach out for help and we are glad that you decided to reach out to us.
    All of this sounds like it has been really hard for you. If you ever feel you are going to hurt yourself you can call 911, the National Suicide Hotline at -1-800-232-TALK (8255) or live chat at http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline...elinechat.aspx . Have you shared this with someone else? Sometimes talking to a close family member, or a friend can be helpful. School counselors can also be of great resources in many situations. It seems like you are considering running away from home. Running away can be hard in many cases. Have you thought about how you might pay for food, rent or other living expenses? If you currently are on any medications or other medical care your access to that care could be effected. Is there someone else like a family member or friend who you could live with even if it is for a few days with your parent’s permission? Also, while we are not legal experts are here just speaking in general terms running away from home under the age of 18 is generally considered a status offence and the police could bring you back home if a police report is filed and whoever they are staying with could be charged with harboring a runaway.
    You are being really brave in this difficult time. You are not alone in this hard situation, we are here to support you through this. Knowing when to ask for help is a sign of great strength maturity. You can always reach out to us at our 24 hour confidential hotline at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or live chat with us from 4:30 PM to 11:30 PM CST and we could be happy to either just listen to you, explore your options and provide any resources. We wish you the best and hope to hear from you soon.
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)
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