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Hello. My name is XXXXXX --but I go by my middle name, XXXX, now. I'm 12 years old.
Don't get me wrong--I love my mother. She's the only one who understands me. But my dad? That's what I'm here to talk about. He's emotionally abusive--he keeps
thinking that the root of all of the mistakes and problems I make are from the internet/computer, when really, they're not, and it's just me. The way I am. I'm
not going to specify, because I would like to keep those problems strictly to myself. He also says that I can talk to him whenever I'd like--but he gets angry
too often, and whenever I DO try to talk to him when he's like this he won't listen or he'll shoot me down and make an excuse, making ME seem like the one who
is wrong. I'm so afraid of my dad that, even though he doesn't really touch me, just a harsh tap on the top of my head, (he also says that he wished he
could have slapped me across the face sometimes) I'm so afraid of other people touching me that even a tap on my shoulder can send dark thoughts through my head.
My dad has insulted me and done so many things to my mind that I've developed two mental disorders--G.A.D. and depression. I'll often have random emotional
breakdowns and have one each time after my dad gives a lecture--they start off harmless but then he delves into things like drugs and alcohol and stealing and
murder.
I've had several thoughts of suicide after one of his "lectures" because that's how bad they can get, and here's the thing--after one of his "lectures", I keep
thinking "this is all my fault, I should kill myself right now because I'm worthless and no one likes me and I'm a pig", and things along those lines. Then, after
I spend twenty minutes in my closet trying to get a hold of myself, my dad pulls me into a hug and says, "I'm just worried for you, you know that, right?" No,
I don't know. It's all for show--he's not just worried for me. If he was worried for me, then he wouldn't do... what he does.
I can only talk to my mom about this, but she can't really do anything about it. This is progressively getting worse and I'm thinking about running away and
asking my mom to help me with it--but I don't know. I don't know if I should or shouldn't, so that's why I'm asking here.
Don't get me wrong--I love my mother. She's the only one who understands me. But my dad? That's what I'm here to talk about. He's emotionally abusive--he keeps
thinking that the root of all of the mistakes and problems I make are from the internet/computer, when really, they're not, and it's just me. The way I am. I'm
not going to specify, because I would like to keep those problems strictly to myself. He also says that I can talk to him whenever I'd like--but he gets angry
too often, and whenever I DO try to talk to him when he's like this he won't listen or he'll shoot me down and make an excuse, making ME seem like the one who
is wrong. I'm so afraid of my dad that, even though he doesn't really touch me, just a harsh tap on the top of my head, (he also says that he wished he
could have slapped me across the face sometimes) I'm so afraid of other people touching me that even a tap on my shoulder can send dark thoughts through my head.
My dad has insulted me and done so many things to my mind that I've developed two mental disorders--G.A.D. and depression. I'll often have random emotional
breakdowns and have one each time after my dad gives a lecture--they start off harmless but then he delves into things like drugs and alcohol and stealing and
murder.
I've had several thoughts of suicide after one of his "lectures" because that's how bad they can get, and here's the thing--after one of his "lectures", I keep
thinking "this is all my fault, I should kill myself right now because I'm worthless and no one likes me and I'm a pig", and things along those lines. Then, after
I spend twenty minutes in my closet trying to get a hold of myself, my dad pulls me into a hug and says, "I'm just worried for you, you know that, right?" No,
I don't know. It's all for show--he's not just worried for me. If he was worried for me, then he wouldn't do... what he does.
I can only talk to my mom about this, but she can't really do anything about it. This is progressively getting worse and I'm thinking about running away and
asking my mom to help me with it--but I don't know. I don't know if I should or shouldn't, so that's why I'm asking here.
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