I don't know what to do.

[Unregistered]

My mom doesn't understand me at all. She hates me. She hates me a lot. She yells at me every single day; when I get home from school, before bedtime, every hour of my life. She always starts yelling at me about something that got her mad but she doesn't try to include my side of the story in her perspective. When she starts yelling about one matter, before I know it, she involved my brother, who did noting wrong in the first place and she ends up yelling about other things. Usually after a fight, if I'm really upset, she apologizes but I know she doesn't mean it. And sometimes she just ignores me until I talk to her. The only reason she apologizes sometimes is so the atmosphere in our family doesn't become all gloomy. I feel like my mom has 2 faces. At times she's like a teenager, cracking me up and things, and within a second, she turns into a monster. I don't even know what do with her anymore. And it's not like she yells at me rarely, or even once a week, but she yells at me EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. I hate my life so much and I cry myself to sleep sometimes wondering what I have ever done for her to hate me. I guess people think I have some sort of eating or food disorder because I am VERY underweight for my age, but the truth is; and I know this may sound weird, but when I was little, I used to eat just because I felt like eating. Not because I was hungry, just because I felt like it. Now that I grew up, I only eat as much as I need to. No more. This sudden change in the amount of food I eat makes my mom think I don't want to eat the healthy food she makes and just eat junk, but that's not true at all. I eat everything she tells me to but she always find a reason to yell at me. I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I know she hates me no matter how much she says she loves me. She has never ever physically hurt me or my brother, so in that sense its okay. But she threatens to tell my fiends about how stupid and dumb I am. I get yelled at by her for bringing home A's on my report card. I try my hardest, but whenever I don't help her around the house she yells at me. Which is every single day. But its not like I don't want to help her. I have homework and tests I study for. and because helping around the house is SOO important to her, I don't always result in getting 100s on my tests but I rarely get a B on a test or assignment. Lastly, I recently got a phone. This sounds cliche but my phone does not shape my life. Nothing has changed about my life since I got my phone. I'm only allowed to have Snapchat, no other social media. But for whatever idiotic reason, she always blames it on my phone. Usually when shes on her good side (which is never) she tells me I'm her best friend and that she trusts me so much. So where the heck did all that trust go when the next minute shes in my room, scrolling through MY CAMERA ROLL AND TEXTS. I really have no idea what to do and I've considered running away and that's not an option in my house. The only reason I'm taking no action is because of my religion. I love my god too much, more than anyone can love, and according to him, I am just going to live through this, and hopefully it will get better. I don't really care if she loves me or not, but does anyone have any ideas on how to live with such a "mom"

[ccsmod7]

Re: I don't know what to do.

Hi there,

Thank you for contacting us and sharing your story on our online forum. It sounds like you are really frustrated with your mom’s actions. It makes sense that her sudden changes in behavior can make you feel confused and stressed. It sounds like you try really hard in school and feel as though your mom doesn’t appreciate your efforts. It sounds like you and your mom argue a lot about food and it sounds like having someone controlling your food intake is really stressful for you.

You mentioned that your faith is really important to you and has helped you deal with a lot of the stress from home. Have you ever told anyone about what has been happening at home? Maybe a relative, a family friend, school friend, a teacher, a counselor at school, or someone from your religious institution? Perhaps having someone to talk to about what you have been dealing with can help reduce some of that stress you've been feeling. Maybe there’s someone who both you and your mom trust who can help mediate a conversation between the two of you where you can express how her lack of trust is affecting you.

Maybe your mom will be okay with you having some time away from home temporarily. Is there a relative you could stay with for a weekend or some other amount of time. Maybe you can join a club or an after school activity so that you can have some time away from home during the evenings. Just some thoughts.

We hope this information is helpful and that you reach out to us directly if you want to continue discussing your home situation. We’re here 24/7 by phone and we also have online chat.

Stay strong,
NRS