I need to runaway for a while.....

[Unregistered]

Oh god... where do I even start. To make my life story short, my dad is the devil. I know it's a big thing to say but I believe it's true. He's the most self centered, hypocritical, controlling piece of garbage I have ever seen in my life. I truly hate him. He has said multiple times to my mother right in front I us that she is a b***h, w***e. Almost everyday he calls my brother a lazy piece of s**t, useless, physco. He has called me a spoiled brat and a b***h plenty of times. I was diagnosed with Severe Anxiety, Social Anxiety and Depression. I probably sound like a typical teenager that is throwing a temper tantrum. I admit I do get extremely worked up about the things he does and I say some things I probably shouldnt but I would rather die knowing I stood up for my family than die knowing I didn't say anything and he won. I just got my Driving Permit last Thursday and on Saturday we went driving. We were stopped at a stop sign and I was going to make a left turn on a 2 way road and I didn't go till I felt comfortable. The guy behind is was not happy and when it turned into a 2 lane road he sped up next to us... him and my dad started screaming at eachother and when we got to the intersection on a red light, my dad started to get out of the truck and was going to fight him until I grabbed his arm and screamed.
The scariest thing that he has ever done to me was a while back when I thought he was going to kill me..... I chased after him to the basement to talk to him because he just wouldn't hear what I had to say, and he pulled out a shotgun from the safe and cornered me. He never pointed it at me because he never got the chance to. I screamed for my brother to come help me.
Recently things have been getting out of hand to the point of him accusing my mom of brainwashing my brother and I into turning against him. He is emotionally abusive and does everything in his power to knock us to the ground. Somehow he convinces everyone around him that his kids and ex wife are out of controle and need to be fixed.
I want to runaway for a few days, just to get away and cool down. I swore to myself I would never EVER cut. I lied.... I've only been doing it since yesterday. I felt so disgusted with myself tonight that I threw the blades away. He's pushing me over the edge. I would rather deal with a few cuts, instead of these radioactive thoughts that keep running through my head... seeing myself bleeding makes me feel sick and happy at the same time.. if I bleed at least It shows I'm still alive. That I'm still here trying to make it in this h*** hole.
I want to run away, just for a little while. The only problem is I don't know any where I can stay. There are no shelters in my town and my only way of transportation is walking or my bike. I don't know anyone I can stay with either....I just want a break from this place...

[ccsmod2]

re: I need to runaway for a while...

Hello,

What you shared seems like a really stressful situation to be in. We're sorry that you are having to deal with verbal abuse from your dad. If you do feel unsafe we want you to know that you have a right to get help. We aren't exactly sure how old you are, but if you are under 18 it can be difficult to leave home regardless of the situation. It takes a lot to get away physically. If you leave and your family files a runaway report for you, you could be made to go back home. That could cause problems in the future. It may be helpful to look into some ways you can mentally get a break from what goes on at home. Maybe some hobbies that you are into can help while you are there. Sometimes, having a release helps get through tough days. Please reach out to us again if you need further help.

Hope to hear from you soon,
NRS