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my mom makes me want to kill myself

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  • my mom makes me want to kill myself

    I can't take this anymore. My mother yells at me over every single thing. She tells me I'm going to destroy our family because i'm gay. She says my relatives will never want to talk to me again. She says I'm too young to know that I'm gay. I'm fifteen. I've been questioning since I was 12. Why would I choose to be gay if it means she is going to treat me horribly and people are going to treat me horribly? I have a girlfriend who I love. I genuinely love her. I know I'm young and things can change and it might not work out, but I love her right now and I want to be with her right now. My mother vehemently refuses to allow me to date her. In fact, I haven't been able to see her outside of school for two months. I can't stand being cut off from my girlfriend. Our relationship is a special one and I can feel that. We are both very mature, and we agreed not to have sex until we're older. We treat each other with love and respect. Our relationship is better than some adults. I can't just break up with my girlfriend. That's not how love works. I can't stop having feelings for her, and my mom expects me to. My concentration has been horrible lately because all I can think about is this. I don't understand why she can't just accept me. My dad does and he thinks I should be allowed to date as long as they know what's going on. My mom just says no and refuses to give any reasons as to why. She's cutting me off from my friends and my girlfriend. I never know when she's going to start yelling at me. She snaps at me after the smallest thing, like I didn't like some shirts she showed me and she screamed "do you even like anything?" She says stuff like that all the time. And it's just getting worse and worse. I don't want to kill myself because I don't want to die. Literally, if I had a different mom, my life would be completely better. (I have anorexia and have been sexually abused for two years but I can't tell my mother that because I don't trust her after this). But sometimes suicide feels like the only way out. I am so tired of living like this. It's draining. I want to run away or off myself or just anything to get away from here. I haven't even described very well how bad it is because I'm too upset. I just don't know what to do. Nobody can save me from this. College is too far away. I don't know what to do.

  • #2
    Thanks for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. You made a great first step to finding the help that you may need. It sounds like you are going through a lot and the people around you are not being supportive. You deserve to be treated with respect, to experience acceptance and to feel safe. We want you to know that you are strong for having gone through so much already. It is perfectly okay to deviate from what others or the common population believe to be “normal”. You’re bravery and resilience is so admirable. You are so strong for having gone through so much without having the acceptance that you do deserve for just being you. Remember that you are not alone. If you ever want to talk more about what you are experiencing or get additional support we are here 24/7 at 1800-RUNAWAY or our live chat service. The GLBT National Hotline at 1888-843-4564 is another option to gain great support from those that are familiar with the issues and experiences of those that are also a part of the LGBTQ community. You can access their website link bellow to utilize all the other possibly useful resources they have to offer: You mentioned that you were considering the options that may be best for you. By all means, if you do fear for your safety either now or in the future, do not hesitate to take the necessary steps to regain your safety. This may mean calling the authorities or possibly reporting the things you may be experiencing. Other options to think about may be other family members, friends, or a trusted adults that would be able to provide you with support or a safe place to stay. It is great that you thinking ahead. Should you feel like leaving home is best, it may be a good idea to think about how you will provide necessities for yourself such as food, clothing, showers, healthcare and other basic needs. You may want to also consider how your parent’s will react to you leaving without permission. We are not legal experts here, but typically as a minor (under the age of 1 you need permission from your parents to leave home. It is not illegal to runaway, but it would mean that your parents could file a runaway report with the police. This is usually done in an effort to try to return you home as the police are required to do so. If you can give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY or reach out through Live Chat we can try to find some youth shelters that may be near your city and state by utilizing our database of resources. We can also try to call out to shelters with you or on your behalf to advocate for you.
    Stay Strong, NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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