Trans FTM and unsupportive family member

[Guest]

Hi, I`m Anna (Conan is my preferred name). I live in AZ, and I`m Female to male trans. I`m somewhat out to my family (Mom, Nana, and little bro accept me), but my dad does not accept me. It took a long time. But I can finally wear boy clothes and have a binder. But I`ve been withdrawing from my dad, because he doesnt accept me. My dad has made comments saying I`m NOT LGBT, referred to me as IT instead of he/him/his, laughed when I`ve broke down crying, begging for him to accept me as his second son, and stared when I`ve had a dysphoria attack. He hasnt really helped me at all. He angrily groans when I even say LGBT or gender. I just dont want to be around him anymore (my parents are NOT divorced), but he has made me feel depressed a lot recently. I just feel pressured to say hi to him when he gets home from work in the evening. My parents do not accept my REAL preferred name (Conan) and I`m forced to go by Alex IRL. I told my counselor all this today, and she wants to talk to him, but I`m worried dad will lie to her.
I have considered running away and going to a hopefully LGBT friendly shelter several times, but due to an incident of me hitting my mom and she calling the police in november (was not arrested), she told the police about my history of trying to run away. I`m autistic (high functioning though), I`m 13.

I really would like to know ahead of time, if I ever choose to run (hopefully not soon or ever, but I will IF I NEED TO) if there`s any LGBT friendly shelters in AZ I can go to, I do not plan on running away right now, but I would really like to know in case I ever need/choose to.

Thank you.
Anna/Conan

[ccsmod3]

Hi Conan! Thank you so much for reaching out to us and sharing about your situation. What you are going through is not your fault, and no one deserves to have their identity rejected, especially by their parents. You are very brave for talking about these experiences with your counselor and for sharing your identity with your family!

No one should have their pain be laughed at when all they want is to be accepted for who they are. It is understandable that you have been feeling depressed a lot recently when your identity and preferred name are not being accepted at home.

It is very wise and mature of you to be prioritizing safety and putting your health first. It may possibly be helpful for everyone if your counselor were to speak with your dad as she’s expressed, although it is completely understandable that you are worried he might lie to her. Either way, seeing a counselor can often be a tremendous help in managing challenges with identity, family relationships, and behavioral disorders.

Since your mom, Nana, and little bro accept you, it may be helpful to continue growing in your relationships with them as they come to better understand your identity and needs. We all have a need to be understood. In addition, you may find the following LGBTQ hotlines useful when you need someone to talk to:

Trans Lifeline
1-877-565-8860

LGBT National Hotline
1-888-843-4564

LGBT National Youth Talkline
1-800-246-7743

We cannot provide referrals to local resources such as shelters in public forum posts, but we welcome you to call us anytime at 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929). We would be happy to discuss your situation and options in greater detail anytime, including helping you locate any nearby LGBT friendly resources. We are also available by online chat if you prefer.

In addition, another service we offer is a conference call with you and your parent, such as your dad. Sometimes family members find it helpful to improve communication and understanding by engaging each other in an honest conversation with a neutral, supportive third party mediating the conversation.

Once again, thank you for contacting us and for sharing you story. We are available 24/7, and we welcome you to call us anytime. All the best!