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  • no good options

    This is a difficult post for me to make, because I still can't believe things have gotten so bad so fast. I'm 16 years old, and my mother, who I was extremely close to, passed away about a month and a half ago. Since then, I've been living with my father, who I've never had a good relationship with. Before now, I hadn't lived with him since I was 7, and he has a history of verbal/emotional abuse. He's also strongly religious, and I'm afraid of what he would do if he ever found out or suspected that I'm not straight. I've been trying so hard to make things work with him and develop at least a tolerable relationship with him, but things are only getting worse. I don't know if the way he acts now could be considered abuse, but I feel so unsafe and uncomfortable with him. Any time I try to disagree with him or have a discussion, he just shuts me down and twists my words to something I didn't say/mean. He's dishonest, and makes me feel guilty for doing anything to go against him, gives me the silent treatment, and tries to keep my grandparents and aunt from being too involved in my life. He's trying to force me to move into his house, which is small, uncomfortable, and in an unsafe neighborhood. I'd be even more cut off from any support. I just feel so trapped and I'd honestly rather be dead than live in that house and deal with his manipulation for another year and a half until college. I think I want to explore the option of moving in with my aunt, who lives several hours away, but we would have to take him to court and I don't know how hard it would be to win. I'm not sure moving in with her away from other family, friends, doctors, therapist, etc. is the right move either, but I don't have many options. I'm miserable and I feel like I'm being backed into a corner. Living with him gets harder every day. My therapist is trying to help me and she honestly doesn't know what's best either, so I guess I'm just looking for more information/advice.

  • #2
    Re: no good options

    Thank you for reaching out. We understand how difficult it can be to reach out but you were very brave in doing so. We are very sorry about your loss. It sounds like a very rough time in your life and you are not receiving the support that you need. You have mentioned how you do not have a close relationship with your dad. You said you feel uncomfortable and unsafe and would prefer to live with your aunt however, it may be too much trouble to live far away or to go through court to make this possible.
    We have concerns about your safety and would like to address the statement you made about preferring to be dead then to live with your dad. We understand this can be phrase said loosely but we would rather provide resources to assure you have them in case you there is validity to you statement. If you are ever having dark thoughts about dying you can call the National Suicide Hotline at 800-273-TALK (8255) and they can provide you the support you need. We are definitely another resource for you.
    You did have a question about his behavior being considered as abuse. It can be but it varies on how the Child Protective Services handle the situation. For more information about that you can reach out to Child Help USA at 800-422-4453. They are an information line that can answer your questions more precisely and provide the number for you to make a report if you wish to do so. You don’t have to report alone, you can ask a trusting adult or friend and we can also make a conference call with the agency to support you through the process.
    The ideal situation would be for your father to agree with you living with your aunt. If you are able to have that conversation about moving somewhere else rather than living with him can possibly be helpful. Your aunt and/or grandparents could also help advocate for you to live with them rather than your father.
    If you are needing additional support for your sexuality since it is an issue between your father and you there is another resource we can provide. If you need to, you can call GLBT National Hotline at 866-488-7386. We can definitely talk to you about this as well if you wish to call us.
    We hope that the information provided is helpful. We do hope things get better for you. We can talk more about all of these options over the phone. If you need to call in we are available to talk 24 hours every day. We can be reached at 800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We wish for it all to get better for you.
    Best wishes,
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)


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