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Nearing Adulthood, Yet Still Constantly Pulled by Emotional Manipulation

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  • Nearing Adulthood, Yet Still Constantly Pulled by Emotional Manipulation


    Hi, there. Uhh. I don't know, I may end up using the chat instead so I know I can talk directly to someone, but. I thought it might be worth posting here.

    My mom has been emotionally abusing me and my sister for years. She's constantly been on us about every small thing, refusing to listen to our side of the story, trying to manipulate us into feeling terrible about ourselves because we don't agree with her, making every argument and problem on her side...she takes out her anger on us and never lets either of us have the upper hand, she never lets us speak our minds without reminding us that she's above us. If my grades were ever lower than a B, she'd make sure that I understood how disappointed she was in me and that I'd never be able to take care of myself if I can't shape myself up. She pulls, and tugs, and stresses me out to no end, making me feel worthless without ever truly saying it, playing games of gas lighting without any true danger outside of my own personal feelings. I don't know if it's all intentional or not, but it doesn't really matter. She doesn't believe me on anything, and when I go to her to talk about my emotional issues or possible problems like depression or chronic joint pain, she blows up and tells me how selfish I am before writing it off as me being moody. Therefore, I have to hide myself, my online friends, my activities, my interests that she never cares about anyways, and I can't ask for things like money without worrying that I'll be yelled at. If we do something wrong, she'll threaten to take us to a doctor or a psyche ward, even though she has yet to actually do so. She will look through my personal texts on my phone and the pictures I have, trying to incriminate me and completely destroying my privacy. Every time she returns home I feel dread and hate and years of constant hurt crashing back down on me, as I have to watch my step in case I do even the slightest thing on her radar. It's not, just me. My sister has had this happen, and my aunt, who's now living in Texas after being so tired of dealing with my mom that she couldn't take it anymore and needed to get as far away as possible. My friends all have noticed, and I've told them this stuff time and time again, worried that I'm exaggerating, worried that I'm blowing this out of proportion, but everyone agrees about how awful it is. No one thinks that what she is doing is right.

    She's gotten worse. Just this month, she shoved my sister against a wall because my sister is getting tired of being pushed around and tried talking back to her. My sister tried to report this to her school, since she's only in 7th grade, and the teachers seemed to take it seriously and said they'd be coming to question me about it, yet they have not done so. Then, my sister was slapped in the face this weekend for the same reason as before. My mom apologized, but then threatened to do it again, and slapped her wrist later, and spanked her multiple times. I think my sister is afraid of telling the school since nothing came of it last time. I tried to speak of the emotional abuse to my school, but was afraid they'd try to contact my mother if they found out, so I tip toed around it and said that I seriously did not want to talk to my mother and I needed to talk to someone to help sort out college stuff on my own. They didn't listen and called her anyways without telling me, leaving me to deal with the backlash of my mother getting angry at me at home. We are both afraid of the consequences and emotional grip my mother has on us, and what could happen if we speak about the pain that has happened.

    I am 17. Turning 18 next month. I do not yet have a job or a driver's license because my mom hasn't taken the time to take me and I am scared to ask her half of the time. I have talked to my college, and I've been accepted. I have plenty of scholarships and I am being allowed to live in dorms, but now my mother is trying to tell me that I can't make my own decisions to live on dorms despite the fact that I have the money and the support to do so. She's threatening to emancipate me, though she rarely follows through with these threats, and I'm terrified because I don't want her to be able to have this emotional grip on me and be able to twist everything around and force me to do what she wants through emotional manipulation. Others in my friend group are here to support me and pick me up if something really does happen, but my sister doesn't get to have that same right, and neither do the pets that are kept in this house that I alone take care of. I don't have a source of income and can't until I get transportation, and I can't get transportation until I have a source of income and a driver's license, which...requires transportation. I'm graduating in 3 days and I'm in a rush to finish school work, and none of these words make sense together because my hands hurt and I'm typing fast, but. I. don't know where else to go. I'm scared. I don't know how to live on my own yet and I was hoping to have some sort of support through college. I can't turn to the adults at school, and I really don't even have a single adult I can trust anyways outside of online friends. What if she somehow gets a hold on me anyways? What if I'm not strong enough to tell her no? Am I even allowed to say that I want to go to this college and live on my own there? Am I in the wrong for wanting to get out of her grip? What am I supposed to do about my sister, and the pets? Who can I talk to? What rights do I even have??

    I don't. know. I don't have any of the answers. I barely even know if this is real abuse, or if anyone will take it seriously. No one outside of my friends has so far. I have sources, outs to take, but doing those outs would cause me to lose so much and I have no idea if I'm even strong enough to do so. All I know is that I'm hurting, and I continue to hurt, and so far it's not meant ******** to anyone who might be able to help me. I don't even know if there is a way to be helped at this point, since I'm already almost an adult. I just want to be able to defend myself and not have to feel worthless anymore.
    Last edited by ccsmod4; 05-07-2019, 02:19 AM.

  • #2
    Reply: Hi, there. Uhh.

    Thanks for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline.

    It sounds like you are in a tough situation and may be looking for some options to help cope with everything.
    We understand how difficult this situation with your mother has been and the strength it must have taken for you to share your feelings with us.
    You are very brave for doing so. Good for you.

    We would like to be of assistance to you if we can. It is times like these where it might be nice to have a listening ear. It is also important that you remember to exercise self- care. By reaching out to NRS you took an important step. Good for you.
    NRS is here to listen and here to help.
    Having a space to vent and explore options may often bring out a solution previously not thought of.

    We are here as support to help you through this challenging time. It sounds like you are thinking about contacting us via phone or chat. We look forward to hearing from you.
    Let us know how we might help, please contact us at 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) (live chat).

    Take care,

    We hope this response was helpful! We’d love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum. Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to youth and families. Please click the link to fill out our survey: Your Opinion Matters to Us
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


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