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  • family :/

    ok so.
    i have major depression.
    thinking about suicide makes me happy. but im not goin to, i want to live...for now.

    my parents own a business. when they are home...or not working, they only talk about work, eat, drink beer, talk on the phone, nag on me, tell me i can do everything better even when i try my best.
    people say that they would die to have all the money my family has, and they think i have a great life. when i tell then some stuff that has happened they say "wow your life is pretty bad" but its not even a quarter of what i have had to deal with. no just family, but people, perverts always saying nastey things, people making fun of me. but ive learned they can say anything they want but im not going to let if affect me at all.
    in my life all i really have is my best friend bianca which i dont live near anymore because we moved.
    people say they know how i feel. but they really dont. i hate when they say it too.

    i went through what no teenager or young adults want to go through.
    i lost 5 people really close to me within less than a year. and they all died of horrible deaths.
    the first 4 deaths i had to go through alone, bianca wasnt much with me because she didnt know any of them.
    my parents would say oh well life is life. but i just wanted someone to tell me everything was goin to be ok, and that they will watch over me.
    but eventually i got through it by myself. people say im a strong young girl, i try to believe it, but then i think that i have gotten through so may deaths of people and almost my own, and that i can actually put a smile on my face even though i am really dying inside.

    im tired of my family nagging me, telling me how i can be better and be like my brother, my brother tellin me how he did all this great stuff, my friends always asking whats wrong.
    im tired of my parents makin me do everything while they drink and talk or just watch movies while im sitting in my room alone or just watchin tv....alone.
    they rarely spendtime with me, and i have pretty much raised myself up.
    this all really started when i was 11. and im 15 now.
    im just tired of it, i just want to get away from everyone for a while,
    but i dont know what to really do.

  • #2
    Re: family :/


    Thank you for writing to us at the National Runaway Switchboard at this time and we hope that you continue to count on us for extra support in the future. How long have you been depress? We are pleased to hear that even though you have thoughts of suicide that you are not going to do it...for now. How long have you been thinking about suicide? Do you know anyone who has committed suicide? Have you ever tried to get help before and would you consider getting help now? Do you have a plan for committing suicide? Have you ever tried to commit suicide before? If so, do you plan on trying to commit suicide again? Will you use a certain method? How do you feel about the fact that you thoughts of committing suicide? How do you feel about your parents (or other significant people in your life?)

    We are glad that you can count on your friend for support although the distance has made it increasingly hard to reach out to her lately. We imagine it is not easy to have your parents come home; only dedicate their time elsewhere especially now that only support has moved away. Do you think the individuals that professed to you that they 'would die to have your life' are not aware of the full extent as to how perceptions work? Despite your trials and tribulations you continue to make sense of your life. As you stated in your post, "I want to live...for now." For now can lead to other great realizations and we hope that you continue to find new inspirations down the road. Have you thought about joining clubs in schools or in the community? You can access resources to distract from home life. Do you manage your time to get more out of your day or do you spend most days in isolation? What are alternatives to coping for you?

    Is there another person in your life apart from your friend that provides you support? Have you thought about reaching out to a school counselor? Speaking to school counselors also makes them mandated reporters. They have to involve parents when you are a danger to yourself, others or if someone else was a danger to you. However, we are also mandated reporters but only if you give us names, address and phone numbers of parent to report wrongdoing. We are not when you simply want someone to talk to and calling us for more support at 1800RUNAWAY 24 hours a day, can interest you if you need to speak to someone directly. Getting things off your chest can make a difference.

    We respect your resilience and your insights on how you handle naysayer for they do not affect you over time. We cannot assume your feelings come and goes simply in response to these events but we can appreciate how you feel. We see that you recognize the importance of empowerment and its healing abilities. Losing five people over time can be detrimental for any young person. Death is never easy especially when people close to you die horribly. However, you point about facing it alone is not fair to you. Do you believe that things can get better with time? You made another great point about coming out of these situations with a smile on your face despite the hardships. You are indeed a survivor and we commend you for your bravery. When you look ahead to your future, what do you see? We imagine you see a life with less nagging. Constant comparison to siblings can be burdensome. You are capable of anything and certainly deserving of a stable home. Have you thought about writing to your parents or setting up a time for you to express how you feel? What about involving your family in some kind of fun activity?

    Few of the services we provide at NRS are the message service and the conference call. We recommend these services to our callers when they find it hard to reach out to their families. If you lack the courage to tell them how they feel it can help but especially in cases when you want to articulate your points without interruptions. With the assistance of a trained liner, we call home with you to talk to your parents. We allow you to speak but in a positive and respectable manner. We also get to the root of the issue and work on ways to make things better. The goal is to arrive at some sort of compromise so that you and your parents can find ways to spend more time together and for each of you to finally hear clearly what is on each other's mind. If you think this service can help, please feel free to get in touch with us 24 ours a day at our 1800RUNAWAY number. We hope you consider calling us to help you with what you intend to do and where you want to get away to. We have resources such as shelters to give to you if you need time away from home to cool off. We hope that you remain strong and make the best of your situation. Good luck.

    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


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