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[Guest]

okay, i will make this short.
i want to commit suicide, but the only thing stopping me is my friend. (i have but only one friend...no joke) it’s really unfair and brutal, that there is no way out of life without hurting the ones you love... this is hell. I can’t stand life, but I also can’t stand the thought of hurting my friend this badly.
I’m in the painful cage of life and when I break free it will be even more painful for her. so i keep renewing my pain so that i dont end up hurting her. i wish that there was some way to free myself and also keep her safe from pain.
i dont even know the real me anymore.
i stopped living a long time ago...now i just simply exist.

i think i just needed to get this off my chest to someone, or something, that wouldnt pass judgement on me.

[Guest]

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Hello,

thanks for taking the time to send us a post it really sounds like you are going through a tough time personally and have had some very serious thoughts about suicide.
You spoke about the one thing or person stopping you is your friend it sounds like you really care about how they would feel if something should happen to you. Have you ever attempted suicide in the past? Are you in a safe situation now? What seems to be troubling you to the point you feel your life compares to hell? Has something happened recently? You speak so elegantly about your situation and of your friend does that person know how you feel? can you see yourself talking to your friend about whats going on? Would you consider someone like a counselor or a therapist as someone you might talk to about how you feel concerning whats going on in your life? We're very concerned about your well being and would welcome your calling our 1-800-Runaway 24hr hotline to discuss your feelings right now if you'd like. We thank you for expressing your situation and we can respect the strength and courage you have demostrated by contacting us. You said you wished there was some way to free yourself from the pain. Once again what do think about talking with someone and trying to sort through things and making a plan from other options to acheive that freedom? We mentioned counseling perhaps we can give you referrals in your area from our national data base. We appreciate you contacting us and using our forum to get things off your chest. We would never judge our callers or anyone who posts a bulletin with us so we hope to hear from you on our 1-800-Runaway 24hr hotline and are listing a few referrals for you as well.

Take Care,
nrs
National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-Talk(8255)
Covenant House
1-800-999-9999
Families Anonymous
1-800-736-9805

[Guest]

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Thaks for getting back to me so quickly.
Yes I have attempted it in the past and recently actually. (I have Cyanide in my possession.) My friend saved my life a couple of nights ago and she does not even know it.
My frind does not know about ANY of this. I want to protect her from feeling this burden for it is mine to bare and not hers. I would like to talk to her but I can't because I am afraid that I will break down in front of her. I don't cry in front of people; It makes me feel insecure. I don't feel that I am that When I do cry it is mostly at night because I am alone and I feel as though I can let myself go.
I don't know if I would be willing to see a therapist. I don't want to confess my sins to a stranger really.

[ccsmod6]

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Thank you for continuing to share with us. We know that it must be difficult to talk about all of this so thank you for reaching out today. We really appreciate it.

In your first post you wrote that you just wanted to get this off your chest to someone who wouldn’t judge you. How does it feel? Do you think it helps to talk about your feelings? We certainly understand that it is very difficult to voice your feelings. Not only do you not want to cause your friend pain, but you also said that it is also difficult because of the way it makes you feel. We hope that you feel safe confiding in us. We are completely nonjudgmental and always try to create a safe space to vent. Perhaps it might be possible to start off by talking with us and then work up to talking to the people in your life?

The decision to see a therapist is completely up to you and if it is not something you are comfortable with, that is a choice we respect. What do you see when you think about what you would like to do?

It may be hard to believe now, but things can and will get better. You may not believe that there is a good life in your future or it may be hard to see beyond the pain you are in right now, but you deserve to be happy and it is possible.

When you are able, give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY.

Best of luck,
NRS

[Guest]

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The first thing that I want to say is that I don't know what your going through. Yes, I have in my past had thoughts of suicide. Yes, in my life I have been hospitalized for depression but the truth is that everyone's experience is a unique one. I am not going to try to convince you that your life is better than you think it is... It may be just as you say. It may royally suck! I know that whatever your going through, adults around you are dismissing your feelings and ignoring your pleas.

You say that life is a cage that you are trapped in and that you want to escape. I do understand why you would think that. Sometimes it is. I am a spiritual person more than a religious one so I'm not going to tell you about sin and all of that ********.

You are obviously a very thoughtful and caring person, otherwise you wouldn't care what happened to your friend after you are gone. Your friend is your anchor and you should hold on to that but don't depend on that to sustain you.

I have a 10 year old nephew and what I tell him is that life does not guarantee happiness. In this world your state of happiness is in a constant state of flux. I do not wish people a happy life... because there is no such thing as a life that is constantly happy.What you need to look for is a fulfilling life. A fulfilling life is one that sees that as sucky as my life is, there are those whose life might suck worse and what can I do to make their lives less sucky.

You may think that there is nothing you have, nothing you know that will ever help anyone. There is always something that someone who cares about others can do.

Being a fulfilling human being will sustain you through any trial or tribulation.

I hope you have a fulfilling life.

[ccsmod1]

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Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. It's good to know that there are others out there that care about the youth that post on our bulletin boards.

[Guest]

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life can be diffucult at times and w think the ony way out of our problem is suicide but what good would u do to ur friend?
And even though u think your mom cares she truly does!!!
i hope you dont try anyhting youu seem smart and intellagente and always remeber that 1 friend and ur faimaly what good would they b without you???

[ccsmod4]

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Hi,
we at the nrs want to thank you for sharing your encouraging words it's good to know that there are such caring replys to the youth who post on our bulletin boards.