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I have no where to go.

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  • I have no where to go.

    So basically, when i was 4, my parents got divorced, my mom got diagnosed clinical depression. My dad stopped being a dad, so hes out of question to live with. I dont have legal god parents, my grandma is as abusive as my mom, even more. I've been so sad for so long. I'm 15 and my moms been abusive my whole life, mentally mostly but sometimes she gets road rage or gets mad from a mess or from the dogs and hits me, tells at me for not being my brother, who's 19. She tells me I'm useless, a ********** and piece of ********, a waste of space, no good and anything else that hurts worse than a knife. I've tried to kill myself 3 times, pills and a rope but it never worked. I always cleaned up the messes or said I'm sick if the worse I got was side effects, I never get medical attention when i need it. My brother could scratch his knee and she rush him where ever he needed. When I was 7 i broke my arm from falling off of a jungle gym, she didnt believe me when i couldn't move it, she said I was lying for crying, it was a week and half before I got medical attention, because of that and being forced to use my broken arm my wrist isnt healed properly. Theres just way too much to write about the pain I have in my heart. The times I've went hungry because my mother would come with food and not bring even one crumb for me, I cant tell you how many peanut butter bread sandwiches I've had in place of actual food. My old step dad used to drink alot this he watched me shower, he would hit me, beat me with his sandle that had a bottle cap opener on it for just looking at him in a way he didnt like. My mom worked alot so she didnt figure it out for a little while. When he hit my brother my mother flipped out and broke things off with him, but she never stood up for me and for the countless bruises I obtained. Around that time i was 7 and i ended up getting raped by my neighbor twice, I've never told my mom, just because I'm scared of what she would say or do. Its gotten to the point where i dont even make eye contact. She never wants to talk to me, she tells me to shut up and leave her alone. I'm just tired of the mental abuse and the fear of getting hit again, last time she got really mad from another driver and when i asked her a question about something I needed she punched me in the face, I have glasses so it bruised. My boyfriend told me to take a picture of it, so I did and i still have it. No one ever believes me or listens when I need someone so, I've started the planning of my sucide. I'm going to do it in July or August, before school starts up again. I just want to enjoy my summer and end my life on good terms. So it might hurt less, or not at all. It's not selfish, please dont tell me that its selfish, its not selfish. Its selfish to watch someone hurt and never say anything.

    -Aj, female

  • #2
    Hi there,

    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

    If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. We hope to hear from you soon. Be safe, NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
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