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    when i was getting ready, my mom didn’t like my outfit and told me to change. and i didn’t hear her, so she got mad and threw all my clothes everywhere and tore my drawers apart. when i finally got ready because of her yelling and screaming at me, we went in the car
    and i remember her saying “You’re not smart, you’re a bad kid— blah blah blah” insulting me
    she does this every time she’s mad
    just because i didn’t hear her the first time, she starts yelling and screaming at me, yet i didn’t do anything
    its like this everyday. she says it’s my fault that i “talk back” and “yell”. i live in a bad environment where there’s always yelling and screaming and there’s no moments that are actually happy. when there are, it only lasts for what? 5 minutes? and i hate it here. i want to run away
    when she’s mad, she decides to tell me “YOURE THE REASON IM GONNA DIE” and talk about how much of a bad person i am. and starts ripping and pulling my hair out. and tries to hurt me. earlier today she hit me and slapped me. so every time she does that, i hide in my room and cry. every time she notices i’m crying, she doesn’t come to comfort me. she asks me “why are you crying” and if i tell her, she say she something (i a different language) telling me to suck it up, it’s my fault, blah blah blah.
    never once in my life have i heard a sorry from her. she starts crying and making it seem like she’s the victim and i get in more trouble, and i force myself to think that it IS my fault and i hate myself. i abuse myself verbally and it’s become a habit.

    and now onto my dad. i love him a lot. he can be nice at times. but he always yells at me too. but not if i do something wrong, like my mom. only when he’s mad, which is only occasionally.
    i remember this one time he was angry at me, and said, “i wish i never had a second child” (in a different language) that was the meaning of what he meant. but what he really said was “if only, maybe it should’ve just been you’re brother, and that’s it” and said something like that. he always mumbles to himself how bad i am. even after, he says sorry, but i can’t blame him. i know it’s because of his health, but he should learn to control himself. my dad is working on it, at least, that’s what he said.

    now my brother, he neglects me, everyday. because he fell into depression and anxiety. he would be nice to me, and all of the sudden, he wants me to leave him alone or “just go”. and sometimes he’s mean
    hes said that i’m obnoxious, rude, annoying, and talks about how much of a bad person i am. even though i confront him about it, he says “i’m just telling the truth”. he’s always reminding me my flaws and my bad decisions that i’ve already been forgiven of. and its like he doesn’t care about if i’m a human, or if i’m his sister. either way, i’m such a “bad person”

    so so i agree with them. i have low self-esteem because of this.

    when i hate myself. i say to myself: you’re ugly, no one cares about you, why do you exist? your obnoxious, i agree with them, you are stupid. stop acting like you’re so smart. look at you, coin slot eyes, you ugly **********, go kill yourself, you don’t belong here, your just a waste of space in this world, you’re useless, you’re too skinny, your hair is disgusting, you should just die, you piece of trash, blah blah blah

    and i keep going on, insulting and abusing myself
    because what they say is making me believe that it’s true

    i just wish i could run away, no one would care anyways, right? if i did run away, my mom would yell at me, and yell, and yell, and yell.

  • #2
    Hey there,

    Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension - you should be able to live somewhere where you feel safe, secure and are treated with respect. We understand how hard it can be sometimes to fully love and accept yourself. We want you to know that you are beautiful no matter what, and above all else that we care about you. Running away is a big decision and it can be very stressful to figure out what you want to do.

    You mentioned some things about your mom's behavior that raises concern for your safety and well-being. Absolutely no one deserves to be abused. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering. It may also be a good idea to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.

    If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.


    All the best,
    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

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