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(Almost) 14 and wanting to run

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  • (Almost) 14 and wanting to run

    I'm turning 14 in a month, and my plan is to run after school ends this year. (If I do.) I'm still somewhat wary, but I know that if I stay, the likelyhood of me surviving to the age of 20 is slim to none. My family classifies as dysfunctional, even though I'm really the main dysfunctional one. As a young kid, I dealt with lot's of bullying and discrimination, and as I grew up, and found out more things about myself, it got worse. My family is rather Christian, and are homophobic, and racist, while I, am not only pansexual, but transgender, and my parents hate my religion, and I am a koreaphile (Someone who feels they are Korean, contrary to their blood). Now I haven't told them my religion or my lgbtq+ status or anything, but they always talk about this stuff, and will even make me join conversations about it. I have no privacy in my household, needing someone to be with me until I fall asleep, and the only time I'm ever truly alone is when I'm in the bathroom or being punished. My mental health has been degrading quickly and I have found out that my parents have given me social anxiety and depression. I pleaded with my parents to get me help but they didn't believe I even needed it until a teacher of mine caught me cutting. I cannot stand this anymore, and although I know many a people have had it worse than me, with parents who physically abuse them, but I cannot stay 4 more years in this house. My parents are deciding what to do with me this summer because they don't want to leave me alone. I once told another transgender kid at my school about some of the things that go on at my house, and he was shocked. He actually was the one who told me it wasn't normal. I know that if I do end up running away, I'll need to prepare a lot, and that it'll be very hard, but I just don't know what else I can do. There is a GSA (Gay straight alliance) club at my school, but everybody thinks I'm a freak for one reason or another, except for my girlfriend. She's actually the main reason I haven't been submitted o a mental hospital yet, I've been trying to hold out for her. I know that it would be difficult, if not impossible, to contact her if I leave, but since I do not have access to a phone, we use Discord, which has a website I could use at libraries or similar establishments possibly. Please give me feedback, anything is appreciated, I'm not used to having my voice being heard. Even criticism is helpful, really. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

  • #2
    Hey there,

    Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension - it must be very hard to have to hide your true identity and hear derogatory remarks about it. Running away is a big decision and it can be very stressful to figure out what you want to do.

    You mentioned that homelife is causing you to have some problems with depression and anxiety and you have previously self-harmed. It can be really hard to live with mental health issues and we want you to know that you aren’t alone in addressing them. If you’d like some additional support, an organization that may be helpful is the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). You can contact them by calling 1-800-950-NAMI or you can text them by sending NAMI to 741741. Another agency that could be of great help is the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), they can help you locate low or no cost mental health care providers in your area. Their number is 1-877-726-4727 or you can go to their site at samhsa.gov.

    It is perfectly okay to deviate from what others or the common population believe to be “normal”. Your bravery and resilience is so admirable. You are so strong for having gone through so much without having the acceptance that you do deserve for just being you. Remember that you are not alone. The LGBT National Hotline could be a resource that can be a source of great support. The hotline is run by those that are familiar with the issues and experiences of those that are also a part of the LGBTQ community. You can reach them by calling 1-8888-843-4564 or you can check out their website at gltbhotline.org. Another organization that we recommend is the Trans Lifeline, their number is 877-565-8860 and their website is translifeline.org.

    If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

    All the best,
    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    info@1800runaway.org (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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