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I want to leave but idk whatll happen to me

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  • I want to leave but idk whatll happen to me

    I want to 'runaway' but I'm scared of what will happen to me. It seems my parents hate me enough already. My mom took me out of public school when I was in 6th grade and told me it was because public school kids are idiots, and I'll learn more at home. Im now in 8th grade, and Im probably behind in school, But my mom blames it on me being stupid.
    she says i refuse to do any literature which is not true, she just refuses to help me with this old english stuff that I dont understand. And she's made me feel really worthless and stupid, so much so that I self-harm sometimes. I told her that i cut myself and all she did was tell me its better than being a 'fag' (her words not mine) Because then she'd have to 'beat the gay out of me.'
    And im bisexual so im really scared for them to find out.

    Also I want to be a musician. Not even a famous one, just one that does what they love. But I'm not allowed to talk about it because they think its a stupid idea and i should go to college instead. I said I didnt want to go to college and they got really mad and told me I'd be a waitress or something stupid for the rest of my life because only the good musicians make it. that really made my confidence level sink.
    Pretty much i just want out, and ive been having suicidal thoughts. My family doesnt want me, and i dont really deserve to stay alive but my friends said it was selfish if i commit suicide. thats the ONLY reason im still alive. So thats why ive been thinking of running away. I dont really have anywhere to go, but i only live 100 miles from Nashville, so I'm thinking about saving money to somehow get there. once i get the i dont really know, but ill take my guitar so i might be a street performing.

  • #2
    Re: I want to leave but idk whatll happen to me


    Thank you for reaching out to us today. It seems like it would be really frustrating having such negative reactions from your mom regarding your music, your sexuality, and your issues with self-harm. It’s understandable that you would be feeling really stressed and ready for some changes. You deserve to feel supported and safe to be who you are at home. It’s awesome that you have such a commitment to your music. It’s good to have something that you really love doing to help you through difficult times.

    Have you talked to anyone outside of your family about some of the problems you’ve been facing at home? Is there a friend, friend’s parent, or a relative that you feel comfortable with bringing some of this up to? It must not be easy dealing with self-harm and thoughts of suicide on your own. Have you ever thought about getting some help from a counselor? We can look up to see if there are any in your area if you call in or chat with us online.

    If you feel like you need someone who can help you deal with self-harm and thoughts of suicide, you may want to have the National Suicide Prevention Hotline on hand. They might be able to talk through some ways to cope with these feelings. You can call them 1-800-273-8255 or their chat is http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline...elinechat.aspx.

    There's definitely a lot to think about when running, like who you would stay with, how you would get there, how you would enroll in school, and how you would pay for things. We are happy to discuss with you some safe options specific to your situation if you decide to call or chat with us. We are non-directive here, so we don’t try to convince anyone to stay home or runaway, but we can help through discussing safe ways to stay safe if you leave or how you might be able to make your situation better at home if you decide to stay.

    We hope this information is helpful and that you reach out to us directly if you want to discuss some of these options in more detail.

    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


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