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my dad hit, kicked, and choked me. what next?

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  • my dad hit, kicked, and choked me. what next?

    hey. I guess I should say something. well, I'm 13 years old (female), and today my dad accused me of being manipulative towards my mom. we were all trying to take a walk together, and my mom turned around and headed back home because she was angry and done arguing with us. my dad lunged at my little brother, picked him up and started smacking him through his coat. I ran away and hid behind a tree near the sidewalk. I thought I would have known what to do because I had taken a self-defense class one-two months ago.
    unfortunately, my memories failed me. my dad ran towards me and grabbed my arm, then kicked me in the hip (I should note he has very heavy shoes that hurt). Then, he attempted to spank me, but when he couldn't, he picked me up by the hair and put his elbow around my neck. he let go eventually.
    he proceeded to grab us both by the neck and lecture us, right there, on the sidewalk. in public. he was cursing and I could tell he was on the verge of hitting us again. a lady was watching us from her car, but she drove on eventually. embarrassing.
    later, we got home, and my mom left for a class. currently, my brother and I are home alone with him, and we're very lucky that he didn't do anything.
    he's threatened us plenty of times, saying "don't complain or I'll smack the sh*t out of you" or "I'm going to smack the living daylights out of you if you don't ____". he's also stated that he owns everything, I am his property, there are no secrets in this house, etc. he's sick and twisted and he just came up to me and said "you know, none of the beatings have to happen. nothing has to happen if you just do what I say and stop manipulating and extorting your mother."
    he's never done anything bad under the influence of alcohol. this is the first time he has hit me since I was 7 or 6 years old. the choking/kicking/hitting happened at only noon, today (March 31, 2019). I feel like I need to get away from this house or else I won't be safe. And I need someone to talk to.
    thanks,
    me
    (just call me kid.)

  • #2
    Hi there.

    Thanks so much for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you’re going through a really difficult situation. We can only imagine how heartbreaking it must to have to experience some of the things you mentioned. It sounds like your dad using hitting as a form of discipline and may or may not be aware that this could actually be considered abuse. You are a worthy human being and you don’t deserve to be treated like someone’s property. You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. It’s understandable why you wouldn’t feel safe in an environment where events like you described are taking place. Filing an abuse report with child protective services might be something that you’d want to consider. You could also feel free to reach out to Child Help which is the national child abuse hotline. They can be contacted at 180-422-4453 or at childhelp.org. Please do feel free to give us a call at 1800-runaway or come and chat with us at 1800runaway.org if you need help with filing an abuse report or would like to discuss your situation further.

    We wish you the very best of luck and stay safe,

    NRS.
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      You are not alone in this struggle, dear. I have experienced the same thing 1 month ago, where my dad started hitting my ankle with a broom to the point where it almost broke, and then started kicking me and punching me. After that, I could not even walk for 3 days without sticks, and had walking difficulities for 2 weeks (I would heavily limp when walking, but it got better with each passing day). Once I got better, I took the ultimate decision: running away; since my parents are divorced, I called my mom for assistance, and she told me to go to her grandparents. After that, my dad tried to gaslight the ******** out of me, texting me indirectly and saying things such as "I am suicidal because you left", "I am in a terrible mental condition, I am struggling and you are making it worse" etc. Wait until you get 18 years old. I know it's a long wait, but it will be better from your side, because at that age you can at least take a job and pay for your living expenses. All the best to you, I hope everything gets better.

      Comment


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        Thank you for your response to another user’s post. Often forums are a place of support and understanding for many youth. It often may be validating and helpful for users to read similar situations as well as exchange feedback to one another. For anyone experiencing any difficulties or challenges, the National Runaway Safeline encourages youth to reach out to our 24/7 crisis support line either by phone or chat for immediate services.
        Thank you, NRS

    • #4
      I'm the mother of a son who the grandfather of my son choked and threatened to kill today. Told him to get out of HIS house. He begged us to move in here for 17 years. My son is 15 and daughter is 18. I finally left their father and his abuse. His gas lighting and cheating. My kids have not been in his life since. He’s a dead beat that doesn't pay child support he is a druggie now that he's with the whore he cheated on me with for eighteen months and he moved in with her the day I kicked him out after catching him on his birthday cheating on me with her again after I forgave him two months before when the cause him. My dad begged us to move in here for years and years and I always told him n everyone else that told us to. That it would never work. My dad is controlling n violent. He always resorts to physical violence and says things like this is my house and that's the LAW!!! I'm 37 and have many health issues that make working a normal 9-5 job impossible. I hurt every day so badly n I can't even take care of myself and my kids without my daughters help. I'm too my breaking point bc I don't want to be a burden on her and I won't live without my son. We have nowhere to go. No family. They all are drugged that live together. so even if I would there is no room. I can't go to a shelter bc of all the special conditions I would need bc of my pain. I feel like just taking this whole bottle of pills some days. But my daughter says she will if I do n my son would have nobody. I'm trapped. There’s nowhere to go, everyone that **********ed for us to leave their dad and move on here didn't listen and I told them all for years once I do n that doesn't work out? Then what huh? Well now that that day is upon us all I hear are crickets. Silence. Nobody helps. So I guess just struggle through it if you don't want split up with your siblings in foster care or call child protective services or email or call your school counselor. But they probably will remove you from the home until you're parent shows improvement n jumps through all their hoops. Which only parents that really want their kids try to do and succeed, but your father sounds like mine, a narcissist and they Gaslight everyone so they will charm and flatter and twist the truth around to officials. But if their trained well they’ll see right through it. If this is a onetime thing with him maybe don't take that route yet. I don't know what you’re arguing with your mother about though so it's hard to tell you what to do. Maybe lay off her a little if you’re nagging her. I said if. Mothers go thru so much and we are the ones that are supposed to hold everything together. It's so exhausting and scary. Is she's like me and had health issues like fibromyalgia then it's really hard on her to do even simple things but also it's hard for kids to understand that too. Hell is hard for other adults to understand an "invisible illness ". Well it's been a year and a half since u wrote this...are you doing any better now? I wish you good luck and I will pray for you sweetheart. Tonight. Best of luck. - Jenny
      Last edited by ccsmod4; 11-24-2020, 02:48 AM.

      Comment


      • ccsmod4
        ccsmod4 commented
        Editing a comment
        Thank you for your response to another user’s post. Often forums are a place of support and understanding for many youth. It often may be validating and helpful for users to read similar situations as well as exchange feedback to one another. For anyone experiencing any difficulties or challenges, the National Runaway Safeline encourages youth to reach out to our 24/7 crisis support line either by phone or chat for immediate services.
        Thank you, NRS

    • #5
      I'm a 15 yo boy who today on Christmas eve my dad got drunk and choked and punched me in the face. this is not the first time and I'm finally speaking up about it. the thing that is most upsetting is that its my first Christmas without my nan who had just passed away from cancer and she made my dad promise he will take it easier on me, well I'm sorry nan but his done the exact opposite, I need help I don't know what to do if h does it again cause I don't want to call the police because I don't believe in calling police on family so I'm in a pickle.

      Comment


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi there,
        Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. They can tell you more about how CPS could respond to your situation. If you ever need assistance calling out to CPS to make an abuse or neglect report please call is at 1-800-RUNAWAY.
        Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
        If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best
        We hope to hear from you soon.
        Be safe,
        NRS

    • #6
      HI
      Im a Male and my dad slaps me if he is mad or frustraded at me

      Comment


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi there,
        Thank you for reaching out to NRS, that sounds like a really scary situation to be in and you don’t deserve to have your dad take out his anger or frustration on you like that. Home and family are supposed to be there to protect you and provide you a safe place.
        You never deserve to be physically hit by a parent, and it is possible that this would be seen as child abuse by Child/Family Protective services. One option would be to report the situation to those authorities and allow an investigator to come out and try to assess how to best help you through this. It isn’t necessarily a guarantee that you would be removed from the home. CPS/DCFS might try to mandate family or anger management counseling first to try and help your family heal. If you want to learn more or get assistance in making a report you can reach out to www.childhelp.org or at 1-800-422-4453.
        Another option might be to figure out what usually sets your dad’s anger or frustration off, then either prevent those things from happening as much, or find ways to avoid him when he is likely to be mad. It might help as well to find ways to be out of the house more by doing sports, after school clubs, (when able because of COVID) and volunteering or work.
        Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
        If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best
        We hope to hear from you soon.
        Be safe,
        NRS
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